As I Say My Goodbyes

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

______________________________

OMG SHIT
I forgot how to spell fourty. forty? fourty? forty? fourty???

My grandmother was nagging about how we have only a few years left with her and our whole life with our friends but it's not true actually. It may seem that way but it's not. Friends aren't always gonna be there. Even if they're the same age, it doesn't mean that we'll be friends forever. Things happen. Whereas in most circumstances, family is able to forgive. So I think that neither friends nor my grandmother -in particular wth- are gonna be around for long. Actually I have no idea when she'll die or how long more she has to live. But I do know that right now I don't think there's any friend who'll always be... There. Who understands.

Anyway, do I behave in an emo manner that IS ANNOYING?? Tell me tell me tell me. Please. Percs? Since ya'll sorta know me well-er?

Or do I always seem pissed off? I need to knowwwww. It's like self-evaluation HAHA.

OR am I very very bimbotic?

Anyway, I think David Pelzer's mother deserved to die and his father was a coward. He ran away from everything and was too afraid to divorce his crazy wife and when he left he didn't even dare to save his own children from their wretched lives. He just left them there continue to suffer under the mother's 'care'. And David suffered so much and his brother's practically lived in fear. And Richard also ended up next in line. After David finally got away and had to continue to suffer through 'The System'. It's not as good as 'they' all say it is. It doesn't help much. Some fosters really don't deserve it either. David had been living like that since he was too young to even know it and had to learn to survive on mere water from a basement tap. His mother rarely gave him meals. He only had the leftovers from breakfast which the dogs didn't even want. They have proper meals. He had to swallow ammonia and lie in an icy cold tub for hours. His brothers didn't even have the compassion to care anymore. David learned to sleep with his eyes open and wake up when something moved. He was a barely-living, breathing motion sensor. When people looked into his eyes, in the earlier days, deep sadness and suffering showed. After a while, there was nothing. He'd have an empty stare, emotionless. But he lived and is now successful. Isn't that just wonderful.

I've read the first one like a dozen times. So I remembered all that out of my own memory! HAHA. I can remember more luh but... It's too saddening.

I find this interesting: During the day, out of nowhere I'll think of things that mean something and I'd think "hey I can put this on my blog!" but then I come home and I sit/kneel/lie before the laptop and forget what I wanted to say. I'd write it down but that would make blogging a chore wouldn't it? Yes it would. I feel like I'm talking to myself. I'm listening to Avril's old songs. It's been a while.

And it brings back so many memories form Primary SIX of all times of my life. Tsk. That time was a the up up up down time. Let's see...

P1, up obviously. I was too stupid and ignorant to know anything.
P2, up also because I was still so young and naive.
P3, up up down up but the down isn't so down. If I mean down as in DOWN then I'd put DOWN. Haha
P4, up down down up.
P5, up up down up up
P6 up up up down
Sec1 up up up down
Sec2 DOWN DOWN DOWN
Sec3 so far, up up down DOWN down DOWN.
It's sad how things fluctuate like that.
AND do you realize? The people who hurt you the most are the people who matter most to you. Think about it. You wouldn't care if your teacher told you to shut up and get out but if your mother(considering you love your mother luh) tell you that, you get hurt right? It's true.

The closer, the more painful.

-Idon'twanttobemeanymoreifyoudon'tlikeit
-tellmewhoyouwantmetobetellmewhatyouwantmetobe
-tellmewhatyouwantmetodohowyouwantmetodress
-howyouwantmetotalkandthinki'ddoitalljustforyou
-i'dchangeeverythingiamforyoujustsaytheword.

Labels: stalker-eesh

I'm hanging by a thread|8:58 PM|