-Jump so high... Until to hit your face on the ground WAHAHA-
It's the leap year people. happy feb 29th!
ahhaha i wanna watch the leap years or something idk what's it called but i wanna watch but who?
I'm hanging by a thread|9:39 PM|
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-and the sun will set for you-
Shadow of the day. Today seems to be the 'Shadow of the day' day. In the morning I heard it on radio. Then Sharifah was singing it non-stop. Like, ringing in her head. I think she heard it this morning too. Haha. Then 'after school' when we were having lunch, she was listening to it and OMG SO WAS I. How interesting. Haha. And now youtube is singing it to me. Haha.
PoA test today. I think I might fail... Or I might pass? Thin line, thin line. We were all cheating HAHA. Just the Honour's day people. Cos we had to do it first period (everyone else did it second or third) and the rest of the class was noisy cos they were playing the financial game thing. So at the back, we were doing the test. Cheating on it. Haha. Sharifa, Chelsea, Melina, Riju, Tiffany and I don't know if there's anyone else. Sorry! Haha. Then I was at the end, Sharifah was next to me. And she kept asking stuff, a bit of which I really didn't know, some of it I wasn't sure and the rest I AM SO SMART. Haha. Except the concepts thing. Only Melina knew. Gosh, expected much?
So I was like *MELINA!* ahahah. She was reluctant but her whole got to be popular thing switched on and she told. Muahaha. Cos Sharifah being the 'coolest', would ask Melina if I asked and got answers. I'm sure Melina wanted that. Lol.
Kay shh. Yeah. So rehearsal... Court shoes. Mine are temperamental. When they feel like it, they give me blisters or make it hurt. When they feel like it, they are okay. I pray to God they don't hurt tomorrow cos I'mma be running around. I wonder what kind of voucher thing they are giving...
So anyway, I do enjoy being in Percs. And I love it, I love band, but yet I can be so miserable. Different factors. Licia's a good teacher =D. And I wonder why Veron keeps this serious look. I want her to just let go every once in a while. Like, if not join in then at least laugh... Worried sia. Too much for her maybe.
KFC for dinner. Yumm. Of course, I was being boring and had the usual. Home... Went Yishun with Kinnie instead then took a bus from there. Excluding MRT and waiting time, it's faster. Hich hich hich.
Now I'm home. LOL
yay MASTER MASTER master of puppets hahaha
I'm hanging by a thread|8:30 PM|
Thursday, February 28, 2008
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BTW ALL OF THAT MEANS NOTHING. JUST FAMILIARIZING MYSELF WITH THE LYRICS AND DROWNING EVERYTHING ELSE TO THE BACKKK
and congrats Veron, you figured it out, so you've figured me out. have fun. =) i'mma find new ways to do it.
I'm hanging by a thread|10:42 PM|
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Leave all behind now to watch her crawl Through our dark gardens of insanity She’ll be the light to guide you back home Just give her a kiss worth dying for And open your arms
Watch me fall for you my venus doom Hide my heart where all dreams are entombed My venus doom All dreams are of you My venus doom
Grieve all your hearts out and she’ll writhe enthralled In tragic ecstatic agony And in her flames we will die some more Just show me a life worth living for And light up the dark
Hold me inside your infernal offering Touch me as I fall Don’t lose yourself in this suffering yet Hold on
I'm hanging by a thread|9:28 PM|
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Blinded I am and so are you by shedding tears The confusion that separates us two we hold dear
Just look into my eyes and kiss our fears goodbye
I’m reaching for your shadow drowning in the kiss of dawn Touching the pain that you left me with at the kiss of dawn
I’m tired of the games I’m playing with you when you’re not here “Death frees from the fear of dying”, it’s true, have no fear Let me look into your eyes and see death pass us by
I'm hanging by a thread|9:22 PM|
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Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes
I heal my wounds with grief And dream of you And weep myself alive
*** Such a short song. Nice ain't it. Sweet simplicity, but so deep. ***
I'm hanging by a thread|9:17 PM|
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I hid the keys to unlock love’s heart To hold you in my sweetest pain and suffering Everything’s unfair in our lust and war Redemption beyond right and wrong
In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair And goes on sleepwalking past hope All is lost in this war And all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song Sleepwalking past hope
I unlit the light to embrace the dark To be near but not to turn into you my darling Forever we’re lost in our souls’ storm Reflections of each other’s faults
I gave up long ago Painting love with crimson flow Ran out of blood and hope So I paint you no more
My hell begins from the 10th and descends to the circle Six hundred threescore and six And from there I crawl beneath Lucifer’s claws just for one last kiss
I'm hanging by a thread|9:16 PM|
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It’s poetry carved in flesh This beautiful hell of ours To the deadliest sin we confess And tears of joy fill our eyes
We are safe where disfigured saints Cry out their prophecies of doom
My heart’s a graveyard baby And to evil we make love On our passion’s killing floor In my arms you won’t sleep safely And of lust we are reborn On our passion’s killing floor
At the first kiss the seeds of hatred are sown And back into darkness we flee to tear our hearts out
We are safe where all faiths fail Alive inside of our tomb
I'm hanging by a thread|9:10 PM|
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Serpentine love’s thighs wrap around me in search for death Drenched in blood the adored and beloved will give in to…
Love in cold blood Breathe me in sweet suffering Love in cold blood Put me out of my misery
Love’s feline eyes in darkness shine on her web Demonised with divine insight we draw our last breath
Darling take me home To the castle made of skulls and bones Sing me a song to remind me where I belong In your arms, my love, in cold blood
I'm hanging by a thread|9:03 PM|
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Despair has a face and all these wounds remain unhealed Blessed to kill and enslaved are all hearts around love’s will Thrilled to start all over again
Crawl down dead lovers’ lane The maze of memories stained And suck the blood right out of my heart Scream out love’s name in vain Embrace the pain again And lose yourself alone in the dark On dead lovers’ lane
Fear has a name written on unhallowed ground with dead leaves Those words never fail to feed the hunger that dreams Our needs beyond god’s grasp
I'm hanging by a thread|8:48 PM|
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Should’ve known how hard it is to stop tearing each other apart Separating souls entwined with all these labyrinthine lies
I am dead to you, a shadow doomed My love, forever in the dark And of all untruths the truest is you Too close to my heart
This emptiness I’ve made my home Embracing memories of dreams long gone One last caress from the corpse of love is all I want Underneath the cyanide sun
We’ve sailed the seas of grief on a raft built with our tears Looking for a way to disappear for a moment from our deepest fears
I’ll be drowning you in this river of gloom Forever in my heart
You had demons to kill within you screaming With a gun loaded with guilt you opened their eyes
Love preys the living and praises the dead In the heart of our hearts by death we were wed
Bleed well the soul you’re about to sell for passion deranged Kiss and tell, baby we’re bleeding well Bleed well the heart you’re about to fail for reasons insane Kill and tell, baby we’re bleeding well… …In hell
“No love lost under her will”, I heard you weeping And on those words a church was built to keep the pain in
If death is the answer to love’s mysteries Then bleed on my darling to the sound of a dream
- Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams, let it wash away my sanity-
Today is apparently our 'slack day'. Thursdays. I don't see how. It's HUMANS... Then THREE periods of Art, recess, two periods of CHINESE and then HUMANS. It's like, omg, we start and end the day with humanities. But it's early day.
So yeah, band. After the strange honor's day thing... Band... Hmm. Sharing session... Hmm... Interesting things were brought up.
Nul n'est cense savoir j'aime son.
Anyway, the issues brought up were exactly what was needed to be addressed except: Trois d'entre nous sont biscornues n'affecte pas la partie et il ne devrait pas question parce qu'elle n'est pas comme nous démontrons biscornues affection à tout le monde et leur freaking out luh. Et comment fonctionne-t-il affecter n'importe qui, qu'il soit ou non j'aime son. Et je ne tiens pas à partager ce que je ressens envers monica parce que je ne ressens tout le temps. Certains de la chose qu'elle ne déclenche tout, et puis tous les ressentiments de Sec1 retours. Je n'ai pas de haine à son os.
Je basier-ing l'haine le fait que la section entière sait maintenant que Je l'aime et je suis seul HOPING that Dianah doesn't find out. So I hope no one tells. I can't rely on that. :/
Ah forget it. Basier. I will drown out all this nonsense from my blog with songs and peektures. Let's see how it works. And yeah I know there's this thing called wertyurwoHistorywiyrhiaeuuh
Whatever.
I'm hanging by a thread|8:06 PM|
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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-where does it all go?-
I came home straight after school today for a change. Okay, not straight. More like, I hung around for a while, then talked to Heather and Zena outside school for about 20 minutes. Then I missed 59 twice like some sotong. So I ended up waiting at the bus stop for the third 59 to come. I waited for about 20 minutes. Gosh. And I didn't bring my iPod OR EZ Link card today. Stupid I tell you.
So I read Kinnie's English book thing. Very interesting really. By the time I got home, as I was walking towards it, I saw people unloading stuff from a truck. My reaction: GASP 8D
IT'S MINE IT'S MINE I SWEAR OMG SO EXCITING. Haha. Sure enough, yeah, it was mine. Eek. *squeal*
So awesome. Now I am sitting in MY room. Hehe. Finally all mine babeh. It looks kind of childish, I just realised. But it's ok. Orange and white furniture set. It's nice k. But when my mother gets around to it, the walls will be dark purple and black, with a very contrasting 'sky' for a ceiling. Hehe.
YAY I love my new room. With my new furniture set. Orange and White. And I can bring the laptop and everything in. WHEEEE. Heehee. I sound annoying right. Like I'm bragging or something. I'm not. But I will shut up now.
I'm hanging by a thread|9:01 PM|
Monday, February 25, 2008
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- what happened to the cool stinging evening breeze-
Oh, the random titles that I come up with. Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing. Hehe. It's ringing in my head. This is what adventure camp has done to me. I wanna be standing at the beginning with you. I'll be there when the world stops turning. Yes I will! HAHA.
Today was interesting. My mother's car went for servicing, so I took a cab to school. I would've taken a bus, so don't say I'm spoiled or whatever. I was too sleepy. I was too lazy, heehee. I woke up a little bit too late. My mother was nagging about how it would be easier to take a cab. So I did! Yay. So i got to school on time. Early, actually. Like I usually do, about 6.45. I kind of slept until Valerie came around me when the music started. HHF, I was so dreading it like crazy.
Howcome everyone looks like they grew so much over the weekend. Pfft. And I am still here, so close to the ground. When I saw Heather just before assembly she suddenly looked like she was towering over me. Maybe I shrunk? I don't know.
HHF, Valerie and I decided to be super high so the stupid Lesbian Bitch Dean would leave us alone. Tiffany is usually high and enthusiastic so she was being ridiculous with us. The girl aerobics person wasn't here today, I don't know why. So it was just the guy. He was practically teaching us to fight. Boxing moves and all. Like... What the hell. Lol. I am so glad we were 'high' in the morning because that Grr didn't even look at us. Yeah! Mission accomplished. Instead, she picked out another poor girl. And she got it much worse today than I did last week. She had to stand on the same level as the aerobics person and facing us. Damn sad.
Yeah, so I was satisfied. Next was Art. My gosh. What is wrong with me. I can't colour without getting some crayon stuff on my pinafore? No, I can't, sadly. The pinafore I used today is... Kind of reddish. Heehee. And my shoe! HAHA. My left shoe is sprinkled with spots of red crayon shavings. Can't get it out. HAHAHA.
Art passed by a little quickly today. Time is a very interesting thing. It can feel fast, or really slow. I wouldn't say I was enjoying art, but it did pass by quickly. Hee. Next was PoA. OMG. Boring hell. We went through the corrections for the test (which I failed, no doubt). It seemed to pass by really fast too. Out of nowhere it was recess! I went down with Valerie and Valerie and Cleris. They all had real food. I had two cheese toasts. Still feels fattening because cheese sucks health-wise. The two Vals had rice and Cleris had nooooodles. Hehe.
After recess was English. Level three com lab. Cold much! COLD MUCH! Rahh. I wasn't paying attention, sadly I have to admit. =( I was writing... Stuff, in my supposedly-used-for-school-notes notebook. And it wasn't English notes. Haha. That class seemed normal, time-wise. Unlike the rest where it zoomed by. Oh HHF was draggy though. I thought it'd never end. Then Chinese. Oh God save me. Sleepy, super long. Except for a 'joke'. Melina always sleeps (I KNOW it's unintentional cos she's such a goody goody but Chinese is too boring even for HER) in Xu Lao Shi's class and sometimes she really sleep-sleeps. Today she did. And Cleris was laughing cos Melina looked hilarious. We were laughing like mad and the teacher (as usual, picking on us) said blah blah about what's so funny until it can make me(apparently, yeah, I don't smile or laugh in Chinese, duh) laugh so much. "Until so happy, see" quote quote.
Melina... Damn funny. Sorry but really. But still, Chinese dragged on for like forever. After that was Maths! No, I don't love maths. I hate it, HATE IT. We hardly did anything today though. He gave out Charity stuff and we MUST donate and some brochure about financial assistance. Oh how I wish I could get. Too bad for moi. Hmm.
Still, it seemed to drag. After that we had a few minutes of freedom(we always do but this time it felt different) MRS FAM WAS LATE. Muahaha. And she had an observer too. That Ong teacher... I didn't feel sleepy (claps for self). I was kind of focusing on something else but still. She was talking about Ireland and the whole democracy thing. Whateverrr. That sounded so Bimbotic.
Yay, school's over. I was hanging around waiting for her reply, today as weird she hardly replied. So i went down without her and saw Kinnie. Then she came. Heather tskk. Then we went to 7-eleven to satisfy my craving (sorry! haha. they don't read this anyway. haha). Then we went up. Minus 3(Kinnie and Heath and Jayni took one each) I ate everything else. I think I have five left... I ate 5 too, outside the band room just before band. It's an addiction, stop me.
We sightread Beauty and the Beast today. I don't like it.
I don't feel like ever expressing any feelings towards or against band or our section or people in our section ever ever ever again on this thing. I'll just keep it to myself.
Percussion sharing session this Thursday. I doubt much will be shared. They aren't very open seriously. That's the problem. That is the entire problem.
I'm hanging by a thread|10:52 PM|
Saturday, February 23, 2008
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C.A.M.P.F.I.R.E S.O.N.G SONG! (x2) And if you don't think that we ca sing it faster then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing a long! C.A.M.P.F.I.R.E S.O.N.G. SONG Aiya, blah blah. SEC3 ADVENTURE CAMP! I went there with this mindset: This is gonna suck like hell. I hate camps. I hate outdoors. I hate getting sunburn. I hate having limited time and clothes.
I know, it sounds super spoiled right? =( But I'm not I swear! Heh. I cannot believe we gave up our phones voluntarily. So stupid. I should've known. Tsk. I know, I know. So yeah. We got on the bus and all. The first day was ROPES COURSES. So hot, so sunny. Sunblock became my best friend. I was super paranoid throughout the entire camp. Sunblock, repellent! LOL. Yeah, so... I didn't do much. NOT because I was scared. Totally not. I was just not so IN to the whole thing on the first day. I did two. I didn't do a lot. A few was because I didn't get a chance because no one listens to me. And a few were because I felt lazy and didn't want to do. I did one, um, like... Two tight ropes really close together and I'm supposed to balance on just that and get to the other side. I am NOT afraid of heights. I never was, am not, and never will be. YEAH I LOVE HEIGHTS!
After that we did Low Elements"" It was all about trust I think. With the closed eyes and guiding thing going on. And then we went for lunch. And Valerie and I went to the shop to buy stuff. We were asking Charlotte to lend us money since all our wallets were being kept by the teacher. :/
After that was the HIGHER ropes. Yeah! I didn't get a chance to do the bridgey thing. But I did the one where it's just a tight rope and ropes hanging from above, really far apart at some points. SO THRILLING AND SO FUN. And people were like "who the hell stands up there and laughs" HAHAH. I DO! =D It was so fun. Fun fun fun fun. Then I decided I didn't feel like doing anymore. Rahh. So I just slacked in the shelter and watched people. THREE FIVE O EIGHT ROCKS because.... We were the only class with TWO groups that got all the way up the most difficult course! AWESOME. First was Valerie and Chelsea and then was Sharifah and Hui Jie. And they didn't take an extremely long time either. Quite fast actually.
There was rock climbing and absailing (*yawn*) and yeah. My tentmates: Valerie, Cleris, Chelsea. Overall camp was just plain fun. But there were some... Not so fun parts. Like when I was going to get supper, effing tjl just stopped me luh wtf. Minding my own business and she has to come. She lectured about how I have to be more enthusiastic next HHF WTF if not she'll do the same thing and WTF she actually TOLD me that she video taped it. BITCH. BITCH BITCH BITCH Everytime! Omg. I am letting it run me... Yes, RUN not RUIN. See, love or hate, it's still obsessing. ANYWAY. (grr) Hmm... Yes, so yeah. OMG. I am too lazy to type out everything! So, the next day we had this amazing race thing. Classes were split into two. The group I was in WON. First place Babeh! WHOOOOHOOO! So yeah, then we used the points we got from the race to bid for mysterious packages of food. Then we were supposed to cook it in a time limit. Stupid fire refused to start. And we had, yes, limited resources. Sigh. But we still rocked. Even though we didn't win! After that was dragon boating. Grar. I dislike dragon boating... A lot! So hard... And yeah...
The battles were fun though. The objective was actually to drench the other people's underwear. HAHAH. So we did. Everyone got wet. What I didn't like about that was that salty water got into my eyes. Everyone's eyes. Most people... I don't know. Should be everyone.
Then... Shower! Ah, lazy... I am too lazy to type it ALL out in detail. Goodness. Okay, so yeah. The campfire and Gala Night thing. OH SO FUN. Loved it! <333
So fun. Then yeah. At about twelve, Sharifah, Cleris, Sara and I were roaming about. Looking for Mr Lim to get our phones back even if for a while to contact people. Whether Girlfriend Boyfriend mother father sister brother whatever. Yeah. I was so surprised how many messages I got. Honestly, I was happy to get so many. HAHAH. Makes me feel loved. A rare feeling k. Then then then... Yeah. We slept. Rahh.
This morning woke up blah blah Breakfast. Then some relay thing. Then yeah... The thing is, most of the time is taken up by the talking. We all sit together on grass and they just talk talk talk and do cheers and teach us funny songs and claps and all. Most fun parts, I feel.
Then after that I met up with Kinnie, Heather, Felicia and Zena at KFC. Kinnie and Heather came to collect (haha) me from wherever I was... Yeah. Felicia looked so bothered. O.o =( Then yeah. Stuff.
Hmm... I know, I'm getting lazier and lazier to type out my day and all. Too many details and stuff AHH.
Yay! One durian clap! *ouch* One wonderful clap! *clap* *wonderful* One aiyaa lazy luh.
T TO THE H TO THE REE F TO THE I TO THE V TO THE E THREE FIVE THREE FIVE WILD AND FREE MORE UNITED THAN YOU CAN BE GO~ THREE FIVE!
THREE FIVE, THE STUDENTS, WAH SO SMART AH WAH SO GUAI AH WAH SO NICE AH WAH SO COOL AH BUT OVERALL WE ARE WAH UNITED AH! GO~ THREE FIVE!
hahaha
I love all the cheers and stuff. Love it. It was so fun. I'm gonna miss it, a bit.
I'm hanging by a thread|8:40 PM|
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
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I am feeling... Sad today. Wanna know why? Too bad.
I'm going nowhere with this stuff. I should just tell her BUT then.... *sigh* I don't know. Holding the torch can hurt a lot and a lot and a lot. It causes so many different emotions that I just cannot describe.
This afternoon I had so many things to say. And when I'm sitting here, ready to type it all out, to get it out of me, the feeling is gone. I'm sitting here and I don't feel like saying anything.
It's like... Imagine. A heart k. It's been cracked. Stepped on. Thrown around. Played with. And now... It's cracks are deeper It's breaking. Oh my It's shattered into a million pieces. All over the floor And I'm just waiting for the Lord to step on it. Step on it and bring me back to whence I came. I don't want to be here anymore. Emotional suffering is the worst. It bugs you. It can be positive. And it's cause can make me feel so light and happy. And when I think of how...How it can't ever... Hm It breaks me down. To a point where I can either wish it were real. Or wish I weren't.
Right now I don't know what to say or do til we see each other again. It sucks, truly.
I'm hanging by a thread|7:55 PM|
Saturday, February 16, 2008
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see it see it??
I'm hanging by a thread|10:43 PM|
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Valentine's day. The day of Love much? Oui. Aussi... Day of hurt much. Like.. Yeah. You... I didn't have you. Until then end of the day. It wasn't even to myself. There wasn't much you and me. I wished. All day. Every second, every minute, every hour, that you were with me. I couldn't stand it.
OK. I gave put my pressies to people.. And I got some too. It wasn't as lonely as I expected. I expected nothing. Then I got stuff. I was so happy. I actually made friends, and they actually bothered. Not like last year. I'm hoping this year will be different from last year. More sociable? But yet, still be able to walk around alone at will. Ah well, bottom line, V-day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it wasn't fantastic either! Too much to expect yeah?
Well, I don't fell like elaborating right now. Bonne nuit.
I'm hanging by a thread|9:06 PM|
Monday, February 11, 2008
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Stupid title, once again. Random. Purely random. But today seems to have a 'cookie' theme. I had a cookie and a small slice of cheesecake for breakfast. The trip to school was quiet. Oh yes, very. I walked into class and people were freaking out over some Geography thing. Then I went outside to get my books and I heard screams coming from within the classroom.
I went inside. What were they screaming about? A BABY LIZARD. A cute innocent reptile and they squashed it's head with the leg of a chair. I was so hurt. Empathy. Then it was like half dead. Dying. They thought it was dead and took a broom and swept it. Of course, it was a LONG process because they were so afraid of a tiny creature the size of their nail. The poor thing was still alive okay. Struggling. Then someone took the dustpan and just... Ohh. =(
She went to the dustbin and Shanthini came in like... Okay. In the end, the baby lizard was abandoned outside our classroom. Sarah and I squatted there watching the poor infant suffer. I was trying to pick it up but I was a bit scared. I don't his tail to fly off and make me deaf. In the end I didn't. I didn't want to strangle the life out of what was left living of his poor mini organs.
I hate HHF. Today was interesting though. There was a group of 3/6 and 3/7 people, you know, the not exactly rule-follower types, all sitting at the back. SITTING. Not even standing and stoning. HAHH. Because Ms Chua and Mrs Nicholas were away. Hehe
Okay, then time passed by blah blah. Oh, Cleris had COOKIES. She made during Home Econs if I am not wrong? Yummy. See, cookies again. Then before Band practice, Crystal gave a small packet of chocolate covered cookies.
And then there is Fels and her cookie and Jadon. Okaee....
I'm hanging by a thread|7:42 PM|
Saturday, February 09, 2008
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aiya i just plugged it in anyway i made my point i rest my case.
I'm hanging by a thread|10:34 PM|
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it's about just sitting there and not talking about anything.. and still feel connected. fair weather friends. tsk tsk. it's okay. i've gotten over the whole regular drama already screw you.
i have way better people to be friends with without having to switch on a different personality to make things work. i have people who actually care about me and who don't only want to talk to me when i'm all perked up. even if i often refuse to believe it.
do you know who these people are? they have nothing to do with you. once again. screw you.
so i decide not to add in all the "hahahaha" and i become not fun. wtf.
these people. they make my life better. they teach me things that are relevant to my life, not crap. they actually care and i think i actually matter to them. even if i don't believe it sometimes.
they help me they try to pick me up when i'm down. i'm done comparing already too many things differ bottom line, they're a hundred times better than what you couldn't care less enough to give and they mean more to me than a lot of things including you. they actually care less about themselves and only how they are then you do. they actually try to understand
they may not know me inside out and i may never open up fully to them but that isn't core
no more batt alr so i'm gonna cut everything short... you're being childish and percs are way better than you ever were, are, and will be. they always were
I'm hanging by a thread|10:07 PM|
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Jayni wants me to go to her church's v-day thing. But i don't want that empty lonely feeling. and only one person can make that feeling go away.
so i will be there... i suppose...
ok
someone is being petty petty pettu and she doesn't even know it stooooopid it's like.. she's the one getting annoyed. i am just being me. and she gets annoyed because she is making ASSUMPTIONS of my tone. so it all sounds 'emo' to her or angry or god knows what. and i have nothing to say about it. i am just being who i am... and then she suddenly becomes all annoyed and ' can't deal with emo ppl right now' wtf WTF so freakin petty i effing swear////
she doesn't want me in her life now. because? because i am apparently emo and not fun anymore what fucking bullshit. like, that shouldn't be the criteria of a friend. it's not like i am TRYING to be not perky JUST SO that she will hate me i mean wtf is that
superficial i tell you. if a person MUST be happy and perky and hyper and joyful and NEVER unhappy or MUST be fun and not just not talk about anything JUST to be her friend. then fuck it. what friend is that. "oh... because you're unhappy and not fun, i don't want to talk to you anymore" this is the impression i am getting and it's not making things better but then again it doesn't matter to her she "doesn't plan to" make things better doesn't care about our friendship much? MUCH
it almost feels like she's trying to find a reason to end it. hmm.
I'm hanging by a thread|9:49 PM|
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Hello. My mood is slightly... Better? (If that makes any sense). Today went to play Pool with the Percussionists. Not all came. =( Veronica, Kia Ying, Dianah and Crystal didn't come. We had fun though. I think I was the first one there, or Monica and Xin Yi. I'm not sure but I was the first one at the place where we were SUPPOSED to meet. Yes, for once, I wasn't late. Thank, no not God, my mother. Yes I know, not long ago I was really pissed at her. Sometimes she's not so bad. Overall, still negative. Jayni, Heather, Simone and Zena were the next to arrive. Jayni was wearing a nice combination of Green with Black inside. Nice much. It was a ruffly bright green top from Esprit and a Black Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie thing under. Nice! Heather was wearing a Pink top with Green lining with "60" on it, if I remember correctly. All this is from my memory, as much as I can remember. Oh yes and Jayni was... I don't remember, Jeans or Skinnies or Pants... I know she was wearing her Leather converse. heather wore Blue Jeans I think...
Simone wore some Green and White Blouse and Mini Denim skirt (From ZARA "ohhhh" :/ Like wtv), she was wearing high cut shoes with different coloured laces on each side. Zena... Dark green shirt with some pin thing if I'm not mistaken... And um... Jeans? OH I just remembered what Jayni was wearing! White skinnies. Haha. Then Monica and Xin Yi came up the escalator. Monica was wearing... White top with some woman's face on it and Jeans(?) and Xin Yi wore a dark Brown shirt with some circle thing on it and I don't remember the bottom.
We then went up to the Food Court. Everyone went to get food except Jayni and I. Just after everyone came back with their food, Kinny arrived!!!!
She was wearing a V-neck white top with a few buttons thingy, I don't know how to describe it. She had her sunglasses hanging from the neck line thing. She had a Black jacket, nice nice... And for once, instead of wearing skinnies (not that it's a bad thing), she wore long black PANTS. And Converse shoes...
Then Felicia came not long after. She had her "I <3 NY" shirt on, Brown colour. She wore... Oh... I can't remember what... Oops. We then went to find a Pool Hall. The first place we went to wouldn't let us in and Kinny was like, I knew it. Haha. Then we went to some other place... Yeah. We occupied two Pool Tables. It was really tiny for a Pool Hall. Everywhere, there would be a wall or your cue would go over to another table. So fun to arrange the balls in the triangle. In a J! Haha. I don't like their cues.
First game was with Kinny, Heather and Simone. The rest were at the other table. Two against three. I was with Heather. MY GIRLFRIEND! =D hahhahahahhahahahhaha Jk. Inside joke. So it was Kinny and Simone against Heather and I. I wanted to be in Kinny's team. Oh well. So it was senior junior senior junior. Or should I say Upper sec, lower sec, upper sec, lower sec?
Either way, Simone was like, all "I know everything about this game"... Okay. She didn't say it but yeah. Kinny and Heather just went with the flow. I was being annoying and I know it. HAHA.
I taught Heather a little secret to playing pool. The so-called correct way that my uncle taught me. He is a super pool pro. Simone wasn't doing it the way he taught me. Sure, she knows everythingg. -_- Okay, not gossiping here. NOT NOT NOT NOT. Yeah... First game, team of Heather and Me won. Second game... Didn't really finish. I wasn't playing properly because I was annoyed a little bit. Like... IT'S JUST A PICTURE. Staying still for 3 seconds wouldn't kill anyone. So most of the shots I got were of Kinny. Haha. So picture perfect. Why? 1: Same table. 2: She doesn't move or run away. Like Jayni and Fels. Fels will move and Jayni will walk out of the picture. -_- 3: She so doesn't mind it. Which makes my task easier!
I need more good picture-perfect pictures of them. Anyway, yeah, the second game. Kinny and Simone were winning when the game ended abruptly so yeah. They win. YAY. the SWITCH. Pfft. Still not on Kinny's team. Ah well. I was with Fels and Zena. We won. YAY. Then Fels was so nice, she helped me take pictures! =D She FINALLY got one of Jayni, and Kinny. Posing. Finally finally finally! Merci Fels.
Then Fels had to gooooo to meet Freda at I don't know where. I will call it the idk where place now. So then the next game. Jayni and Me against... Who? I forgot. Oops... I don't remember who won. Did anyone even win? Oh my. I am like some old person...
Then in the last few minutes before the hours were up: RANDOMNESS. We just took out all the balls and shot randomly. So fun. Haha. i was prac-ing the straight ball thing my uncle was teaching me. Then came intrusions. Haha. But that's ok. I don't own the table HELLO. Yay. Then we hung around places.... Jayni and Monica left. Then Kinny, Heather, Zena, Simone and I went over to the idk place and Fels was there. Without Freda. Late I think. Yeah. We went inside and hung around the entrance. Freda arrived and we headed to um Ben&Jerry's. yes yes, my memory isn't so good. I can remember certain things only. And some of the things I am just not gonna mention.
We had a NINE SCOOP ice cream. Yumm. My favourite flavour died in no time. Then Fels and Freda went off for the photoshoot thing. Then we walked Zena to the mrt and then me to the bus stop.. SO NICE RIGHT, they waited with me <3 then 518 came. Long and empty bus ride. I wanted to stay longer but... My family was coming over for dinner. =( Now they are watching a movie... without moi. I wish I could gooooooo. Hmph.
So now, I am sitting on the couch. My Aunt is on the other computer playing an outdated 2D game. Haha. But it's fun. My grandfather is asleep on the other couch and my mother is on the other computer. My brother, Grandmother, Grandmother(yes, two) and Uncle are playing mahjong on the other level.
I'm bored. We've eaten dinner alr.
Ah well. I have homework I haven't done and I am gonna die Monday.
I'm hanging by a thread|8:04 PM|
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I'm wondering if i should just come right out and say it to everyone or slowly hint OR not say anything at all. And she will never know. Thing is, there is so much in common. In a certain way, we connect. But whatever. She's so out of my league. Like... older somemore. DIE. Hehe. I'll open up slowly. And soon, whoever bothers to look, will know too. I just don't want any comments on it.
I'm hanging by a thread|1:01 AM|
Friday, February 08, 2008
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OK
So much meaning... I can relate, a lot. Don't let me get me PINK
never win first, i don't support the team.
i can't do nothin' right everyday i fight a war against the mirror i can't stand the person staring back at me I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me i'm my own worst enemy
dpn't wanna be my friend no more i wanna be somebody else
I WANNA BE SOMEBODY ELSE
LA told me you'll be a pop star all yo have to do is to change everything you are
She's so pretty, that just ain't me
Hmm. Oh crap. I don't know what to wear tomorrow! Oh no! Should I wear my red skinnies, black and purple top and stilletos?
It's that part of the post again.
Omg. I don't know what is wrong here. No, there's nothing wrong. It's just a feeling that people get. Just for a different kind of person. So it's 'she' so what. Ok Come to terms with that But why. Why her Why a her in the first place That's not even a problem anymore Except for what others might think? Everytime the thought comes, the heart beats faster, feel it racing. Fantasies flood. Must have daily contact much? If not... the missing will be overwhelming Even looking at pictures makes the heart melt? the beautiful smile she put on not too much of a girl. almost the perfect balance. little bit more to the man but that's why the like much? so sweet and generous kind and entertaining open minded and opinionated accepting and humble beautiful pretty just everything everything not planned not what is dreamed of but so perfect at the moment? That's all i can say. i can't give away too much information O.O
I'm hanging by a thread|11:43 PM|
Thursday, February 07, 2008
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omg now my grandmother is walking around the house fucking nagging and what not. "see, no one in this house cares. No one offers Hon a drink. " want a drink Hon? Would you like a drink?" no, vision break also nothing" BLAH BLAH omg OMG O M G
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH i am gonna fucking screw my own head off if the two mothers don't shut the fuck up.
I'm hanging by a thread|11:55 PM|
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She is bloody fucking menopausing luh fuck. So fucking annoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like HELLO why you scolding me for, I am just the person bringing the things down. How the fuck would I know what for, I don't need to know. You need to know, don't ask me cos I wouldn't fucking ask, it's not my role. It's fucking hers and wtf can scold me for what. I am simply answering calls and bringing things down, she can't fucking scold me. What does he want, why do you have to bring these things down, what are you bringing, where is he going, why can't he just upstairs, or call me? Hmm? WHAT FUCK Like how the fuck would I know. All I know is that I am bringing these things down, his handphone's battery is running low and I have to go down ASAP. Why would I ask all those questions when 1: I am not his bloody mother 2: I at least have a sense of urgency not like my mother who walks around not letting me go cos she wants to know things that HELLO I fucking wouldn't know! 3: His battery is low, why the fuck would I want to be INCONSIDERATE and waste it asking him all these things when I am only here to follow instructions.
goddammit she's fucking menopausing or something. I don't even think so cos she's too young to. She takes out all her fucking anger on ME because HE isn't around to take the fuck from her. So I end up on the receiving end. Why are you still on the computer. Isn't it time to SLEEP already? What are doing so late at night. God your brother is so annoying and then she just goes ON AND ON AND ON like some fucking broken record.
GRAHHH
And what mother tells her child to 'shut up' at least 'be quiet' sounds nicer right. 'shut up' is just plain rude, especially when you don't even say anything offensive. WHAT THE FUCK LUH. She's the one who should just fucking shut up for one fucking night.
I'm hanging by a thread|11:44 PM|
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Okay... I am coming up with all sorts of stupid, random titles for posts. Don't ask why because... I don't know either. Coming on a little obvious I think. I shall stop now. I don't like Chinese New Year. Because I have to go to a million and one places.
I have to go to my grandparents' on my mother's side for reunion dinner. AND I have to go for a reunion dinner on my father's side. So in one day, I eat two reunion dinners and two desserts. Beat that. I bet someone in this world has more than that. I just don't know who. Hehe. It's crazy ok. Other people have reunion dinners the weekend, my family has reunion dinner on cny eve. It just HAS to be on that day and nothing else. -_-
So, my brother and I go out and meet my father early in the evening and have dinner with my father's mother and brothers and my 'cousins'. They are so lame I tell you. All Chinese speaking too. How to converse right. So there is no closeness or bonding on that side. When we are done with that, we leave and go to my mother's parents' place for another dinner and dessert. Can you spell ' FULL STOMACH'?
Yeah... The good thing is that when we go visiting, we don't have to go a lot of places. This is because I have few relatives here in little island Singapore. My Uncle and two cousins are in Perth, Australia. My grandparents and aunt and uncle(other uncle) on my mother's side all live in the same house. My grandmother on my father's side lives with one of my uncles on my father's side so that's easier. And then there is my other uncle on my father's side. So in total, it's just 3 places. Other people have a million and one places to go. Oh well. Lucky them, in a way. And unlucky too. They get way more red packets BUT way more places to visit.
Too bad. What nonsense. I am so pissed off right now. I mean, I didn't do a freaking shit and she goes around sounding so irritated like wtf did I do. All I do is just sit here. And she tells me to go for a vision break. Her tone is like. ARGH. Like... She replied herself. As in, she spoke in a tone like as if I had just replied her rudely. I didn't even have time to answer and she's all like "and don't give me excuses, I've been watching you for hours so don't tell me.." blahblahblah
It's like everyday she's irritated by negligible responses. Bloody annoying. Wtf. And then it's like she gets jealous or something when we go out with my father. WTC
If she doesn't want then say so luh. It's all up to her anyway. She has custody so why not use it God damn it. It's not like she has no say whether or not we can go out with my father, since it's not Sunday. She can very well just tell us we can't go for the reunion dinner, it's all part of the custody what FFFF.
I am so irritated right now that I think I unintentionally pissed of one of my friends. Oh crap. This is turning out to be the perfect CNY isn't it. I need me fix.
I'm hanging by a thread|10:54 PM|
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Okay. Happy Chinese New Year to everyone... Again. I went out with my brother and my father this afternoon. We went to Tampines Mall to watch a movie. That Ah Long movie. It was... Hilarious. Mark Lee made me laugh until the side of my stomach hurt. He was so funny acting like a sissy. And Fann Wong was the wife, if I'm not wrong. She was really cool as a loan shark. I love her "no emotion" look. Love it, love it, love it.
And I love her "gang leader" dressing. It's so... I don't know, but it's nice. Most of the movie was funny. Especially the 'fruits are not weapons' part...
Switching topic now. Why is it that I always really really want what I just cannot have? And I'm not talking about material things here. It's so sad. So out of my reach. So close... Yet so so far away. I think it's real this time.
ANYWAY... Hmm. Ah yes, Kinny gave me this site. OMG. Damn nice. All the wonderful wonderful clothes. That I wish I could wear, but I can't. I need to find out more! MORE! Ah, well. Life goes one. =(
Is anyone getting used to the new blogging way? With the punctuations and the capitals and the whatever. Away with typo errors. Though, knowing me, there will be a lot to come and plus, I can't keep these things up. I'll probably slack back to the old way of blogging. Typo errors, weird spaces and stuff.
I am going to die. I have absolutely no idea what to wear on Saturday. I am afraid. YES YES. Go ahead say it. I am very self conscious in certain ways sometimes. And I just got asked to dance on a pool table on Saturday. OK. That would be fun wouldn't it.
iwntktobmne iwnttobclsrtovdspteediff iwnttobaccotdwithtchngngmyslf iwntmout iwntfclsr iwntvclsr iespwntkclsr iknwthyrgradtngthsyr nomrechncs iscrwditnnwmiswinng i don't want things to end the way they are vissodstnt fntexctyclsbthlfwythr iwntktobmne idntwnttolsej iwntdsfrndshpnttofadelkevsdd.
No one can help me. I screwed it myself. I can't fix it myself. So things will just stay stagnant. IWNTPRCSSNBNDGWTHOUTESCTWNWTHOUTM!!!!! stlngevrthawyfrmme
That was not meant to be deciphered. It was just a way to let things all out. It is strictly private content anyway. Whoever can actually figure out what I'm saying... Kudos.
*Sigh* My God. Ahh. I'm out.
I'm hanging by a thread|7:12 PM|
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That was a stupid title. Go figure. I haven't really updated updated, and I do not intend to. It is about 1:30 am on Chinese New year. Happy Lunar New Year to everyone out there.
Hmm, I skipped school today. Instead, I went out with Shanthini. We went to Junction 8 at 10:30 in the morning. I think my brain wasn't functioning properly because I woke up this (*yesterday*) morning thinking I was in Japan. When I say 'Today" I mean yesterday, technically.
So we did some stuff, whatever things we needed to do. Then Shanthini got hungry. She should really go buy a bag. SERIOUSLY. Or just not bring that stupid PSP. Anyway, she met up with Alyssa ans Jacklyn. After we ate, we split. They went off to watch a movie and I was off to City Hall to meet Jayni and Felicia.
That was what I thought. No one told me Kinny, Freda, Genn and Derick were gonna be there, oh no. Haha. When I got there then I realized.
First person I saw was Kinny, then Jayni then Genn then Fels and all. All wearing red. =( I was the only one wearing WHITE. 'cause, see, I didn't attend school today. Anyway, we went to the Esplanade. Blah blah, Kinny, Jayni, Genn and I went off to Raffles Place to shop. Hehe. Nah, I think Kinny and Genn went to eat and I followed Jayni around looking for her stilettos. Sudden obsession. *sigh*.
Does my blog entry look any different today? Nobody will notice anyway. We were talking about lesbian PDA (public display of affection). I've come across it twice. And Fels and the bus thing. I wasn't there but I know what she meant. I've seen it in the MRT and walking around Far East Plaza...
And when I say affection I mean it. I wouldn't say it's gross. There is nothing wrong with it. I mean, the public display is uncomfortable for some members of the public. It didn't bother me though.. HAHA. It was more like... Surprise rather than disgust.
I don't know why people shun it or something... 1: There is nothinig wrong with PDA 2: There is nothing wrong with... Not being straight. Gays, lesbians, same thing, nothing wrong. 3: It isn't really wrong even. Like, God wouldn't give humans those kinds of raging hormones if it was wrong. And don't come and tell me the Devil is doing it cos it's not wrong unless homosexuality drives people to suicide and murder, which it doesn't so there.
Okay, I'm done. With my little annoying speech. And I also know that more than half of the people reading this are like... Opposing. Completely. it's personal opinion so whatever. I just get a bit annoyed when people do that. NEVERMIND. Moving on to other things, I just needed to get it out. And now it's gone. Yay.
Shit. Just when my mouth finally starts moving on this blog. Battery is going flat. Grr.
I hate boys. boys suck. most of em. some don't...
I'm hanging by a thread|1:33 AM|
Friday, February 01, 2008
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okay today, considering its the busiest day of the week, was fun.
fridays grr al the studying subjects all crammed into one day how to live like tt all our brains would have imploded by now
first subject is already social studies then next is POA ughhhh 3 periods of poa woah
then after that is CHEMISTRY and that's only the first half of the day packed with homework and projects already then after recess omgggg after recess is bio with the butt implant teacher. and it's so obvious that she had an implant if not then it's just sad that she has such an oddly sticking butt
kae anyway um then after bio is um i don't know luh geog and maths wahh geog was like pure freedom no teacher came in so we closed the doors and then out came the guitars and the phones and stuff and especially the food hahhaahahahaahhaa HAHAHAHAH
umm yeah then we maintained good behaviour for a while, excluding excessive noise. umm then yeah then sharifah took out a guitar and played to herself at the back of the class after a while i wanted to ask her something so i went there and we talked a bit like small talk then tiffany and charlotte etc those ppl tiffany read out a se* scene form one of her sidney sheldon books can you say EW? and i think sharifah was enjoying it. XO
yuck ahaha then blah blah she read a lot man yuck yuck then um yeah then i returned to my seat and stuff and roshni drew a LJ on the board. gross. eveerybody was like ewwwww then our chairperson told her to erase it properly all the sick minded ppl ahahahahha
then a lot of blah blah huge commotion ok like classroom chaos
ahaha
then sharifah was like, who's the sick person who got a org*** from listening. ahhahahaa GROSSSSSS
wahlao haha
then yeah AIYA
i am damn sian to blog alr luh. and my eng is going down the drain. grrrr and i missed band on thursday for no reason luh wtf there was a reason i was supposed to go see the doctor then ended up not going. GRR so i have like.. NO LETTER NO MC gdi.
I'm hanging by a thread|8:18 PM|
Hello, hello
Yes, the headers are like, A7x songs. I know.
