As I Say My Goodbyes

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

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YES YES YES YES YES I DID IT !
i got the links and stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah! i'm so smart!
hehehaha

hmmmmmm
now for that tagboard...... hmmmmmmm

I'm hanging by a thread|9:10 PM|

______________________________

DAMMIT

i didn't successfully post the link to a nice blog....
hmmmm
SO PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK AT THE END OF THAT POST THAT SAYS 'LINKS TO THIS POST'

thank you for your attention

P.S MY BROTHERS NAME IS FRENCH!!
okay random info

I'm hanging by a thread|5:13 PM|

______________________________

one day i will catch you
and i will kill you
you'll be sorry you ever did that
you'll wish you'd stood by me
'cause i am going to murder you
then make you live again
and then kill you
and let you live
i will do that again and again
and each time
your death will be long and painful
and each time
you will know that you are alive and dead and alive and dead....
and each time you sre alive
you will continue to feel the pain
and the pain of the death i will give you
will add on to it
i will do this to you
because you'd done it to me
countless times
and you're nowhere near sorry for it
so you will live and die
for all eternity
even after my demise
my curse on you will live on
maybe the creature can save you
don't rely on that
you can't trust people like that
like you, like that creature
i learnt that the hard way
REMEMBER THAT YOU WILL DIE AND LIVE AND DIE AGAIN

oh my gosh i am so unholyyy
Lord forgive me

I POSTED A POST ON THE PERC BLOG!!
visit visit visit

oh yess...... I NEED HELP PEOPLE
anyone out there?!
who can help
okay
i need help toooo:
get a tagboard
put links here...
create a skin.. or something like that

okayy HELP

hahahahahahahahahha

i am going to try something.....

yeah! i did it!
i am nowhere close to techno geek
in fact i am a total opposite....
wow it took me more than a year to load a picture properly and edit it......
AND NOW I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT

go shannen!

EWWWWW
i just found a white thing in my water
YUCK YUCK YUCK

oh yeah todayyyyyyyyy

oh yeah, i walked out with Meghan
and when we were walkign down the stairs
she almost fell to her death
she thought she was going to break her other arm
hahahahaha
seems very heartless of me to laugh right
but she was laughing too
we were both laughing like mad women
she said her shoe got caught in the stair
and i was like how could her shoe get stcuk? in a stair???
"addidas shoes have very firm grips"
direct quote from my messenger history.. hehe

oh and i saw my friend today
she likes to annoy me
but.. today was unusually weird
she was skipping towards me and was like"today is make an enemy day!! Love someone but hate 'em at the same time!!!!! and you're it! "
IT WAS SO CREEPY because she said all that while smiling and grinning.....
but then......
she said"you're my enemy Shannen"
with that emphasis on the first part of my name..
and she said it in an angry tone
and she looked super serious
and then she walked off right past me without even giving me a second glane
I HOPE YOU ARE NOT REALLY MAKING ME YOUR ENEMY BLANCHETTE! =(
sob sob

LOVE HER NAME:
Blanchette Zikki Marjolaine Eloise Mireille Lucienne Oceane Zenobie-Manon Lefebvre

SUPER LONG SUPER NICE NAME RIGHT!!

Lefebvre is her last name. cool right
she has like... 7 middle names... counting the hyphenated as one

i am getting bored. i have no homework that i know of to do....
so i will go and scavenge for something constructive to do.......

I'm hanging by a thread|3:38 PM|

Monday, July 30, 2007

______________________________

OH YAH!
if anyone is unhappy with her birthday and name being here, please tell me

I'm hanging by a thread|10:24 PM|

______________________________

my friends and i were just talking about birthdays...
and i thought..... i hate it when nobody remembers my birthday...
and it ruins my whole birthday
when i make an effort to remember other ppls birthdays...
soooo
i am going to tell the whole wide world(or more like whoever reads this) MY birthday...

it is...
on the....

8 DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

remember!!
hehe haha
no la i'm not so self-centered.
but it would be NICE right.. to have people wish you on your birthday who are not in your family!

last year MY FREAKING BEST FRIEND DIDN'T EVEN WISH ME
some friend.
no wonder now we aren't friends.
she couldn't care less about me
yet i cared so much for her
i wish i hadn't wasted my time.

i even have a page full of everybody's birthdays
SO ANYONE WHOSE BIRTHDAYS I DO NOT KNOW PLEASE TELL ME!
so i can spread peace fun joy and laughter!

haha ok that was so so so lame

i have a list.........
where is it................................................................................................................

a list of important people to remember birthdays for....
okay not really... just the people who are important to me to some extend and i wish to wish

i will also put down the peoples names....ok this is gonna sound grammatically wrong because i don't know how to put it....
i will also put down the peoples names that i do not know the birthdays of but i would like to so i can wish them

does that sound incorrect?
ya ok nvm

1.MY FAMILY(okay... i cannot put my each family member's names.... for privacy's sake)
2.my seniors!
a)Veronica-2jan
b)Jayni-28aug
c)felicia-22apr
d)Asyikin-27aug
okay let's put it this way.... NOW it's not in order...
just now it wasss....
my family is best
my seniors come next
then everyone else! =P
3.Shanthini-1oct
4.Melina-29jul
5.Ambra-29jul
6.Dianah-12sept
7.Monica-26nov
8.Meghan-25aug
9.SUSY-9sept
10.Patricia-6dec
11.Godma-19sept
12.CLAY AIKEN-30Nov
13.Sharon-8DEC! same as me!
14.oh so sad
no more.....
wow 13
so suay one
i cannot believe i just said that

hahahaha

most of the people above i can MEMORIZE their bdaes somemore
i'm so smart i know
haha
joking...

aaahhhhh 10.30
i should go
au revoir!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm hanging by a thread|10:02 PM|

______________________________

oh my god!
thank you thank you!!

today was like a fantastic day(except Melie was absent)
but the fun started after band practice.....
okay... just before it ended and after....
THANKS TO MY SENIORS. as usual.
they always make my day... =)

first, i was trying to do some gym jump thing.... and we were waiting for the lift so we could help unload.... and nobody else was there..... and Felicia waslooking somewhere else, downstairs off the edge... so i did the stupid lame jump... a few times......

and then Felicia turned around just as i was doing one..... and she started laughing and then i started laughing... it was funny. and she was like 'i saw that' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

then she tried doing it
and i was laughing like hell..

then instruments came and blah
then after band........
Jayni asked if the'peeenk' bag is Dianah's
i started laughing as i said yes
and that's where it started.
'peenk this peenk that' 'peeeeenkify!'
IT WAS SOOOOOOO FUNNY

then i heard Monica say the word 'walrus'
and i cracked up again..
then Monica was like 'calm down'
and she made a funny noise of shutting down..
and i laughed even more until i knelt on the floor and came up again....
oh yah and before the HYSTERICAL laughter began, Monica said something about when you clap all the blood will go 'vooooooooooooooooooooshhh'
and other strange noises.
and then it all went on

then i met shanthini(she was waiting for me, so nice right)
then we walked out together
and Jayni and i crossed paths and she was like 'bye peeeenky' or something like that and i burst into laughter again
then we had a trip home where shanthini was the crazy one....
she only becomes like that "once a year"
and i seem to become like that "once a month"
cool........

i haven't laughed so hard in months... until my stomach muscles were aching...
THANK YOU JAYNI! THANK YOU FELICIA! THANK YOU VERONICA!for not laughing.. THANK YOU MONICA!for also not laughing

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SERIOUSLY
thank you percys!
ahhh oh my gosh i am like so highhhh right now...
THANK YOU PERCUSSION FOR MAKING TODAY THE BEST DAY THE WHOLE OF THIS YEAR SO FAR!!!!!
i hope there will be more to come!!!

XD
^^
LOVED TODAY!
even the weather
FINALLY! happiness that lasted!

love my seniors!
DON'T EVER FORGET IT!=))))))

Labels: peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenk

I'm hanging by a thread|6:55 PM|

Sunday, July 29, 2007

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a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
i invented a game with that
u can play it with absolutely everything

a-z instruments
a-z fruits
a-z states
a-z brands
a-z anything....

haha
i played it with my dad and my brother
from afternoon to night!
different things everytime
of course we were stuck on some aplhabets for some things
like what instrument starts with q
and what animal starts with x?

kay being BUGGED AND NAGGED to sleep now. grr
i hate school

Labels: alphabets

I'm hanging by a thread|9:57 PM|

Friday, July 27, 2007

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okay so i'm still not happy.

but BUT i did have happy things happen to me today

as i was walking home, i met patricia, cheng mun and clara........
and we went to the clubhouse to study(more like to do our homework but i forgot to bring down my calculator and i was too lazy to go up and get it so i didn't do much)a while after that because patrica and i live in the same block and cheng mun lives in another block nearby in the same estate...

so we bought fries and nuggets and cold drinks(consequence of my disobedience again, my cough gets worse)and we kind of talked more than work but we did get some work done. i needed some work to do so i did patricia's science homework in pencil for her. it was a science paper.

we had fun overall

then when we were done, cheng mun set off first, it was almost past her curfew.
we caught up with her. we were on our way to the ice cream shop at 10S
she said it was good
she went home and we went to buy ice cream (bad for my cough also. but worth it. it was HEAVENLY)

then we stopped at our block lobby to finish the ice cream so my grandmother wouldn't scream at me
get it?
lame joke lame joke

okay okay

then we saw some ants eating a fish shaped human food cracker.
and we started playing with 'em

it was super fun
we stayed down there for like some 30minutes or so

SO FUN

who knew huh?

my brother and i got scolded for playing(feeding)with ants when we were younger. when i was like... i dunno primary1, kindergarten? the person who scolded us was this old-ma neighbour who lived opposite us. hahaha
now that i look back, it was really funny. hehehaha

happy thoughts to triumoh over the opposite

I'm hanging by a thread|9:07 PM|

______________________________

today was a great... and terrible day......

terrible terrible
great..

terrible great terrible great
both the same i guess.....

in the morning.... stuipid jolene sprayed water on shanthini's table
because someone had sprayed water in that pen hole thingy at the end of her table.....

STUPID JOLENE

she just automatically blamed it on her
bloody idiot.
YOUR TABLE GOT SPRAYED! DOESN'T MAKE IT YOUR PARTNER'S FAULT *****

shanthini didn't deserve getting her table sprayed.
i mean, what does jolene think shanthini has against her?!

and shanthini had to go and find towels and stuff and i don't know how jolene got her table dry again...

and then during history, we were brought down to the gallery to 'learn' about the history of ij.

and i said(loudly)'i hate brenda and i hate jolene'
i've never really ever said that for the 'public' to hear before...
but i did it because of *ahem* somebody...

then after we ate(i was kinda losing my appetite), we went back to class.
then dianah asked if anyone could accompany her to the canteen to eat. she looked really unwell...
so melina and i went down with her. and i bought a manuscript book
don't ask why............ because i also don't know why

then when we came
blah blah blah
then shanthini was sitting at her desk looking miserble(okay so she looked more pissed than miserable)

i went to ask her how she was....... then she was like 'can you see' and she gestured at their tables
they were seperated
i suspect jolene's idea?
most probably
SO CHILDISH
that splitting table thing is like SOOO childish
CHILDISH! IT IS SOOOOO PRIMARY SCHOOL
so super duper immature

like GROW UP

*she was a bitch in primary school too. in her old school. many many people hated her. her old best friend probably hates her too. maybe that's why she didn't go there*

i should know right?
but i don't
she told me almost nothing about such things
i will never call anyone my best friend again
unless they are like patricia
or my calculator

ANYWAY
back to what i was saying

then blah blah blah blah

then i found out that she was really angry because someone stole her bookmarks
her 'preety wittle bunny' bookmarks that were magnetic
i bet that's because BRENDA gave it to her
she treats brenda better then she ever treated me
i guess that's that whole hard-to-get thing
grrrrrrr

oh and once again she blamed it on shanthini and that's when she seperated the tables.
*mumble mumble*
i shall keep my terribly unholy thoughts to myself
and then pages were torn out of her journal

i'm not sure if she blamed it on shanthini

but later on i heard from a little birdy that the first thing she said was 'it was shannen right!!'

and when shanthini said it wasn't me, jolene blamed it on her.
and shanthini couldn't get out of it.

and then i heard from shanthini via sms that jolene was going to tell our form teacher.

and that jolene was going to say that it was shanthini AND me.
since when did i come into the picture
since i hated jolene and since i am always with shanthini

and shanthini didn't even do it

in case she hasn't noticed, there are like a million people who hate her to hell

so happens i am one of them and she has this impression that i am capable of doing such mean things.
i cannot believe that she ever used to be my best friend.
yes, i still haven't forgotten those times.
sadly.
MUST FORGET MUST FORGET

very hard

anywayyyyyyyyy

where was i

oh yeah
then nearing the end of the day
i tried to make conversation to see if she really thought it was me
being the bitch that she is, she replied coldly

grr
hate her

this declaration of hate would serve as a motive to do such things wouldn't it?
well i didn't do it.

I DIDN'T DO IT

i am not even through with my first year of teenhood and i already see my life as miserable...

it's all(okay not all, mostly) caused by people so called friends.

will i never find a true one who will be there when i need her
support me when i need it most
defend me when i'm defenseless
help me when i need a hand
sacrifice when i need her to
teach me purely
show me the way
hold my hand
shelter me from the rain
keep me sheltered
throught the good times and the bad
make sure no one gets under me
to destroy me and to hurt me
not join in tease whenever others please?

those deeds never seem to be returned.

I AM NOT EMO

Labels: bitch hellborn to ruin the lives of others

I'm hanging by a thread|7:59 PM|

Thursday, July 26, 2007

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kae this post is very random. i don't know why i am doing this.

EVERYBODY'S GONNA LOVE CLAY GONNA LOVE CLAY
GONNA LOVE CLAY
EVERYBODY'S GONNA LOVE CLAY GONNA LOVE CLAY GONNA LOVE CLAY
ANYWAY YOU WANT TO ANYWAY YOU'VE GOT TO
LOVE LOVE CLAY LOVE LOVE CLAY LOVE CLAY

hahaha
see
so random

I'm hanging by a thread|8:43 PM|

______________________________

my cough sounds teriibly disgisting

it sounds like i'm gonna throw up
but it doesn't feel anything like that
it just tires my diagphram muscles.
and i have to cough my lungs out before any phlegm comes out at all.
and i'm supposed to cough it out. gross

and supposedly, a flu comes along with a cough such as mine
and during science today, i couldn't breathe at all through my nose and i had to breathe through my mouth and i swear i looked like a bloody idiotic fish.

ahahahaa

and i have loads of homework and i am not doing it right now.... asking for it aren't i

sigh sigh sigh sigh

oh and two teachers questioned my happiness in one week
=(
so strange
like one of them was like 'are you ok? are you sad? are you happy?'
and i was like wth... 'i'm fine...'
i have to admit, i didn't say that very convincingly......
then today my science teacher, after i had to see her after school, when she was done, she asked me, 'you look very down all the time. like =(( are you down? ' and something something.....

WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THAT

so creepy...

*shiver*

$$$$$$$$$$$$&%#*%(********&^()^_%%%%%%%%%&#############@@@@@@!!!@

that was pure randomness

today was an unusual day
i won't elaborate

ciao

I'm hanging by a thread|8:02 PM|

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

______________________________

aha
second post for the day
because i need to vent

okay fine i won't

NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SLEEPY RIGHT

dammit

chilllll

this afternoon
at band prac
it wasn't really prac
we all just sat around
like what the hell right
yeah so we all just sat outside st gaetons block till like four(i think it was four, i hardly look at my watch to actually tell time)
Jayni was 'commenting' on Dianah's notebook
i was 'commenting' on hers
we did that for a while
then then then
kae la i dunno

then Mr Tang came around and randomly pulled Veronica and Felicia out(Felicia wasn't there, i think that's why) to wear rythmic gym suits(for some other time or dunno what la)
and Jayni was like 'what! then leave me with all the sec2s!!'
so mean right
i mean it was mean of her to say that
and it was mean of Mr Tang to do that
but i don't think it was his decision made

oh yeah and Asyikin stopped by for like.... 3 minutes
hahaha
i don;t think commenting on people's stuff is very constructive which was what we were supposed to do- something constructive

well anyway.........
at around four la okay
this dunno who promenade guy came and told percussion to go to the fourth level.
so we did
then ATE FOOD
shhhhhhhhhhhhh
little secret
hehehe

chocolate..... which worsened my already bad cough
ahaha
consequence of my disobedience

we played little games.....
i cannot quite remember what we did before we were supposed to play....
but when we played... i was the first to play apparently
Veronica and i were like counting and stuff
then when i played, downstairs, the rest of the band, started to play also
ahahahahaha
then Jayni and the rest were like not supposed to play!!
and Veronica and i felt like idiots....
oh my god
nevermind
forget it
everybody makes mistakes

kk
then after that
we played games
hahaha
okay not straight away la....

litle interval for sitting(for Veronica and i because she was trying to hide the food from the teacher so instead of standing and making her look stupid sitting there by herself, i sat with her....

until he went away, then we both stood up.....
then yeah...........
then when everyone was aaway from the parade square and gone to the courtyard, downstairs, people were buzzing and playing games, we did too. play games, not buzz. (buzz? i dunno how to spell it. i'm spelling by what it sounds like to me)

we atarted with that Tempo Master game thing. very good for band people.
that lasted.... lass than five rounds before we got bored.

oh nononon, we played psss before that
damn fun

mmmmmm thennn.....

yah then Veronica and Jayni were doing all their sec3 adventure camp games things......

like where's the peanut and some frog thing

hahahahahaha

then.......... then we went to the courtyard for a half hour lecture....
and during the lecture, i HAD to, i just really really really HAD to cough. likt that feeling that you're gonna cough whether you like it or not.
and i coughed and coughed.
then after a while... i had that feeling again and i tried to control it and i did that by holding warm breath in my throat and i thought i was going to asphyxiate to death!
but i had to, because i had a slight running nose, so if i were to cough in my mouth, i would have mucus spewing out(yeah i know sounds damn gross)so i coughed again. and it seemed really loud.... and the person wasn't talking at the time so it was like a cough solo or something. haha.
then finally we were let of... and blah blah

and i found out that shanthini thought i was playing traunt, because she and meghan were concocting reasons to why i would skip school today. ugh. very creative. not.

okay i am gonna put random labels......

au revoir mes amies

Labels: suffocate asphyxiate shanthini band tempo master percussion

I'm hanging by a thread|8:06 PM|

______________________________

*cough cough hack wheeeze**dramatic breath*
haha
inside joke

between Melina and i

i am sick
i have a cough
okay that's not really considered sick
but i have an MC!!
for today
because i missed school to go to a doctor
my mother's orders. =))

hehehaha
i have mc off running for week
bwahahahahahaha

thank the Lord

hahaha
no, seriously.
people say that if you run while having a cough
the sickness will go to your heart and u will die or something like that.
i don't know why the doctor gave me lozenges
YUCK!
i hate them
the lozenges
not the doctors

i mean, i DO NOT HAVE A SOAR THROAT
though people say it sounds like it...
strange.....

but the best part
I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE AFTERNOON FOR BAND!!
weehee woohoo
at least i don't miss out on all the fun

haha

okay so school sucks
yeah
but... not on wednesdays.... some wednesdays...
because instead of english, we have oral communications class
in an air conditioned room
that is sound proof
(it doesn't seem to help people's pronounciation though)
wow
my brother is wearing LEE jeans

okay random info

i noticed a pattern
if i look forward to a day
as in, really really look forward to it
the day turns out like SHIT
like monday for example
i was looking forward to it
because i had ************* to tell(only certain people know)

i had new hair
i had a new pinafore
i ................................................................................................................................................................................................

alot of things

but i went to school....
i hadn't done my homework(naturally)
i couldn't find a way to make my hair look nice tied up
my pinafore pleats were messy like hell
my shoelaceswouldn't stay tied
and i had a bad trip to school
and someone told me i looked somehow 'unkept'
shanthini was annoying me

yeah..... then during the two periods before recess...
i decided to just give it up
so i forced myself to lighten up... because if not my whole day would be ruined and that would suck
and i don't like risking friendships
so i went up to shanthini and cheerfully talked to her about little things then told her jokes and all... etc
(with melina...)

then things got a little better

then after school............

yah whatever.......
now my grandmother is getting on my nerves.....
nag nag nag nag

what use is it telling her that I AM NOT THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY

there are like... so many different types of cough
there are those where you cough non-stop all day but they sound like normal coughs
there are those where you *ahem ahem ahem* all day and cough once or twice
there are those where you don't really cough often but when you do.... oooh
there are those where you hack your lungs out
and many many more

my grandmother is so ANNOYING

it is now exactly 1:10pm

i'll leave for band in a while...

the thing is that i do not cough so much now because
because i am not talking to people
because i am not laughing
because i am not breathing in a dusty classroom
because i am not whispering
because i am most likely not thinking
because..... many more reasons (la)

she is complaining that i sit in front of the computer
and that is not good

but how about herself
SHE SITS IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER FROM 11 TO THE NEXT MORNING!!
playing what?
neopets

i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her

at least.. at this very second right now i hate her

i hate her
i really do

and i missed some really important test thing today did i?
well i only rmembered at like.... 1145hours.... sooo

i didn't go
and i am so dead now.....

oh well...
too bad for me

I'm hanging by a thread|12:34 PM|

Monday, July 23, 2007

______________________________

hey hey hey
ahahaha

i've been repeatedly listening to Mika's Grace Kelly
i cannot stop
the little girl in the video is sooooooo damn cute
i usually have an extremely strong dislike for little kids(bluegh!! okay fine i HATE them)
so this girl was so cute doing the actions and stuff...
aaaahhhhhhhh
it's like the kinda thing that only she can do..
perfect for it

so cute so cute so cute so cute

today there was BAND!! =)
we sightread some german market thing
sounded so chinah
blueghhh
then we had sectionals til the end
mmmmmm
we were practicing the PRINCE OF EGYPT
uhhh
why is it that i so conveniently get the small parts.
MONICA WASN'T EVEN THERE AND SHE GOT THE SNARE PART
isn't it a good thing to get difficult parts?
it means she's so skilled.
and Dianah got toms
what did i get? don't ask
I GOT THE TAMBORINE

i shan't express unhappiness
Monica has piano background and dianah has a piano background as well...
so that puts me...... where exactly?
NOWHERE

my eyes are actually constantly green....

really really green

*ahem* is in the best class and gets desirable results
she has many friends
she is talented in some queer way
she is not only freaking school smart, she's freaking street smart too
makes me wonder what her parents work as huh
SHE CAN FREAKING PLAY THE CORNET TOO
(ahem ahem i do not hate her. just a little bit envious is all...)

Dianah has been chairperson
she is in the commitee
she is popular
(not having a clique doesn't make one a social reject now does it??! NO)
she has perfect hair
her studies are.. well good as far as i know.
she doesn't fail anything extremely badly as far as i know
she received an honour for honours day
she has a freaking social life
NO ONE I KNOW DISLIKES HER EVEN THE TINIEST BIT
even if she doesn't think she's popular now, she HAS to admit that she was like one of the most popular girls in class last year and maybe even once before
nothing seems to bother her
(i do not hate her)

me? what about me?
i have been failing chinese since, oh since when oh since PRIMARY, let me repeat PRIMARY 2.
i have... a mini clique of two.(as in me, and two people) one has many other better people to hang out with, the other has... other people as well... but not so often thankfully. i have another close friend, though i know that once her best friend is back from san fransisco, she wouldn't be hanging out with us anymore.
anyone would choose anyone over me
yes time for self analysis
hmmm
i'll keep that to myself.

oh gosh
i am having random thoughts
what if every physical memory(photos, tapes) of my childhood fades away
i am having depressing thoughts

i am just unhappy
people hate unhappy people
even unhappy people hate unhappy people
do u know why?
because the unhappy people make unhappy people even more unhappy
and unhappy people make happy people not want to be happy because their happiness is receiving no reaction

shanthini's right
i think too much
this entry started out happy
then it became angry
now it's just 'sad'
I AM NOT EMO
don't even think of it

i am ranting
gotta stop that habit

i think i am very evil
i wish death and harm to people i really hate for personal reasons and those against whom i have grudges

many people hold grudges
people have killed other people because of the grudges they hold
as have i

NAH JUST KIDDING
i never murdered anyone
just wish i could
but i don't have the heart to
unless more terrible things happen thanks to the people i already hate
but if it is to no fault of theirs
then i won't kill

i am still ranting aren't i
i don't know why i do it
i have a freaking cough man*hack hack wheeze cough cough choke choke wheeze*

everyone i know seems to have something or do something that's so much better than what i have or what i do

so sad right

it's very easy to beat me at studies
PIECE OF CAKE TO BEAT ME AT SPORTS
easy to beat me at music
easy to beat me at almost anything positive
no one i know can beat me at being mean, though
but i'm only mean if i dislike the person
or if i dislike the person for a short while due to recent events *ahem ahem*

but i somehow can never bring myself to be mean to the people i like a lot
like my family, certain friends(not exactly my closest *cough cough*), my seniors, certain peers depending on who they are.

there are people who are not exactly bad to me, but not that i would like them nor hate them(does my english make sense)and yet i still am not very nice to them.

i should stop now
revealing too much information
i am going to delete everything i do not wish to expose
heehee
so what you have just read is an abridged version of the original post
bwahaha

I'm hanging by a thread|8:46 PM|

Thursday, July 19, 2007

______________________________

You Are 60% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:40 PM|

______________________________

You Are 40% Paranoid Schizophrenic

You're pretty grounded, though you have your occasional paranoid moments.
Just make sure to ignore those voices in your head!

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:34 PM|

______________________________

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:14 PM|

______________________________

Your Quirk Factor: 69%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:02 PM|

______________________________

You Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled with Money

You've either been really really good this year...
Or Santa is trying to pay you off!

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:00 PM|

______________________________

You Are 10% Left Brained, 90% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:56 PM|

______________________________

You Are 12% Phobic

Wow, you're scared of very little. And you're always conquering new fears that come up.
Have you considered a career as a stunt double? You should at least go on one of those crazy reality shows where you eat bugs!

How Phobic Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:40 PM|

______________________________

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious.

You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep.

Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:35 PM|

______________________________

You Are 20% Healthy

Your diet is freakishly unhealthy. It's amazing you're still alive!
Stop subsisting on white bread and candy - and consider eating a vegetable once and a while.

How Healthy Is Your Diet?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:27 PM|

______________________________

i noticed alot of things today
i can actually recite exactly what one of my friends said today
i'm not usually this observant
i could like remember the colour of my teacher's sneakers and everything
so weird

and i said something very interesting(to me) today
"yesterday you said you would tell me tomorrow, which is today because yesterday's tomorrow is today isn't it?"

and i think she was confused
or maybe not
she gets these kinds of things

i cannot believe i told my grandmother everything

i was reading peoples' poems today
some really sucked
some were really good
HAHAHAHA
i don't know how people can dare to do that
i mean, aren't poems personal?
and plus, when a poem is 'out there'
it will definitely be criticised
and therefore making the poet feel... like his/her poem is not good and that he/she is not a good poet.
sad right

that's why *m*i*n*e* are kept in the confines of a secret place.
first on scrap paper and then tranferred.....

i've said too much

i am going to make-up something on the spot... and then translate it to french(though my french grammar is terrible)

ils ne m'indiquent rien
quel genre d'amitié est celui
complètement des mensonges et de la déception
des mensonges profonds et foncés à l'aucun vous n'êtes pas gros

it sounds better in english
i like the length difference in the french version though

i have a geography teacher who doesn't give a $&#! about us so we end up doing a few pages of the workbook and doing whatever we like after that.
he's an idiot man

we wanted to 'bomb' him
but in my stupid class, nobody dared.
they are afraid of getting detention
i always wondered
what's so bad about it eh?
i wonder if i'll ever find out.... teeheehee

i have a pile of dried flower petals in front of me
sounds emo right
WELL IT'S NOT

mes problèmes d'amitié NE SONT TELLEMENT TOTALEMENT JAMAIS RÉSOLUS !

HAH who knows what that means
yes yes
my french is very bad
DON'T RUB IT IN

it's like 20x singlish.... that.. is in french

i am sitting at the computer waiting for the sun to set.

it's already seven
SET DARN SUN! SET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh oh oh! it's setting!

I'm hanging by a thread|6:29 PM|

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

______________________________

ahaha, today was fun
as usual, it was a great day thanks to my seniors!
they always better my day...

um.... okay.... how did the day start.
oh yeah... - terrible
science was first period.
i hate science
i hate the science teacher.
oh well, actually today's science was not that bad. my teacher was actually in a pretty good mood.

she was all like, latest by recess/end of the day... in a very calm manner.... like duuuude.

PE
i didn't do anything! woohoo!!
i hate PE
i'm so glad i had an excuse letter!
i 'twisted' my ankle.
it's not really twisted...
my mom and i just couldn't think of another word.
but it does hurt.
well... now it does. after WALKING home, duh

so at the time, i was half lying.
or... if you're positive.. half telling the truth.
ahaha

yeahh... then chinese
stupid chinese teacher told me to stay back to finish the dumb holiday homework
HAH
i said okay... but seriously, did she really think i was gonna go?

then recess!
hmmm
i had the usual
'weird' meal
two eggs(sunny side up) and rice

english was ugh
we had to run around the second level to go and find stupid clues to stupid worksheets
not bad enough to have PE but we have sweat during english too! =(
grrr
i hate excercise

then math
i FINALLY got what she was talking about
but even then.... not enough to be able to do a modified type... by myself

.......................................................

YAY end of the day

i was walking out with Meghan
but thennnnnn

i saw Jayni!
so i called out
and then she turned around
and she asked me if i was going for band
i was like.. 'there's band today??'
then i glanced at meghan for like a split second
i asked what time and BLAH BLAH
then i walked with Meghan till almost the back gate there... then we split
and i went back towards the band block
there was no one at the band room
no shoes
no bags
no people
so i went back to class
and blah blah

i ended up in the canteen
i sat with Jayni
then Monica came along(okay la, i saw her in the canteen before i saw Jayni... and conversed awhile)
so then blah blah
3/4 came down
Veronica and Felicia came
and blah
sat around while other ppl came(seniors friends? i think so..)
i chatted with Monica
then read an archie comic
BETTY AND VERONICA DOUBLE DIGEST

ahahaha

then we went up again
now there were ppl there
so we went in
did warm-ups
am i being too specific?
ah whatever
yah so then after that we went down for a breifing on the dunno what thing
then we went up, just to get our HOMEWORK(urgh)
and sit where we are supposed to be on the actual day
and do something 'constructive'
hahaha
i did ONE maths sum
not my original work if you know what i mean
I know what i mean

anyway
it was like the most fun section bonding EVER
ahaha
Jayni let me listen to her mp3 with her
all of us Percs laughed alot
Monica and i were like the only ones not really doing anything 'constructve' nor'productive'

ahaha

those words are confusing

we more or less talked, laughed, ate, and did some 'work' in between
Jayni was kind of during real maths work
Veronica WAS doing work
i was not
i was designing a blogskin for Felicia that i was not progressing much in because i was... you could call it playing...
according to Monica, i was wasting foolscap paper.
i was
it's automatic
so don't blame me

haha i was scribbling and drawing strange boxes
and thinking of designs for the blogskin
yes seems very easy
but not when there is a specific theme

BY THE WAY: I AM NOT EMO!!

hehe. i'm not i'm not i'm not

then we watched the other ccas doing what they are doing for the opening
'cute' little tiny pri school kids
the really small ones
P3 or something maybe
Jayni said push their little heads underwater(or something like that i can't quote word for word)
i agreed
i hate.......ok fine, i won't be mean, i DISLIKE little kids GREATLY
looking at them irritates me
ahahaha

today, i noticed Jayni and i have quite a bit in common.
expecially something that very very few people have in common with me

ahahaha

ah...yah
then as i was walking home, MY ANKLE GAVE UP ON ME!!!
i had to limp my f-ing way home
now i know why i had extra money in primary school.
TO TAKE TAXIS
but at that time, i was too young so i dunno what it was for

THIS WAS THE BEST DAY I HAVE HAD IN SUCH A LONG TIME!
i feel so happy!
unlike anything i've been feeling the past few days.

THE FIRST TIME MY HAPPINESS WAS NOT TOTALLY SHORT LIVED!

maybe i spoke too soon
we shall never see!!!!

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I'm hanging by a thread|7:15 PM|

Friday, July 13, 2007

______________________________

You Belong in Milan

Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life - away from tourists!
Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture... with very little hype.

What European City Do You Belong In?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:40 PM|

______________________________

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:18 PM|

______________________________

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty a fair amount.
You're loyal to your friends... to a point.
But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.
Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.

Honesty:

You value getting your way, no matter what.
And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem.
A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!)

Generosity:

You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!

Humility:

You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...
You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.
You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

I'm hanging by a thread|8:14 PM|

______________________________

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Evil Magician.

Where You Lived: Boliva.

How You Died: Consumption.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:07 PM|

______________________________

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

What Temperment Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:59 PM|

______________________________

You're a Pack Rat

Someday, you'll get totally crushed by a falling pile of stuff.
Whether you survive depends on how many old granola bars you have lying around your house.

Are You a Pack Rat?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:54 PM|

______________________________

You Are A Loyal Sidekick

While you aren't the most visable one in your group...
You're always up for a good time or conversation
And you stick with your friends no matter what
You may feel underappreciated - but it only seems that way!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|7:43 PM|

Thursday, July 12, 2007

______________________________

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:31 PM|

______________________________

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:19 PM|

______________________________

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

I'm hanging by a thread|10:13 PM|

______________________________

Your Depression Level: 68%

You seem to have moderate depression.
Your symptoms are bad enough that they're effecting your everyday life.
You would benefit greatly from professional help.

Are You Depressed?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:06 PM|

______________________________

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:58 PM|

______________________________

You Are 55% Peaceful

In general, you think the world's a pretty great place - and you're happy to be a part of it.
Sometimes you struggle with life, but who doesn't?
You are quite level headed, though you have more inner angst than you'd like.

How Peaceful Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:55 PM|

______________________________

You Are 79% Creative

You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word.
You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times.

How Creative Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:45 PM|

______________________________

Your Birth Month is December

You love life and exude an outgoing, cheerful vibe.
Blessed with a great sense of humor, you can laugh at adversity.

Your soul reflects: Celebration, success, and wealth

Your gemstone: Blue Topaz

Your flower: Narcissus

Your colors: Indigo, green, and blue-green

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:43 PM|

______________________________

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs.
Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are.
You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life.
You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor.

Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily.
But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes.
For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present.
You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:24 PM|

______________________________

Your Quirk Factor: 60%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it.
Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:16 PM|

______________________________

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:09 PM|

______________________________

Your Life is 65% Off Track

If you're honest with yourself, you have to admit that you often feel like you're living the wrong life.
It's a pretty easy conclusion to come to - because it seems like not a lot is going right.
Consider finding a life coach or mentor. You need some encouragement in turning your life around.

Are You Living The Wrong Life?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:06 PM|

______________________________

You Are 76% Pure

Well, you're not exactly an angel - but you're pretty darn close.
But chances are, you have a couple juicy secrets deep in your closet.

How Pure Are You?

I'm hanging by a thread|9:03 PM|

______________________________

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul.
You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.
Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.
You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:17 PM|

______________________________

haha
my wants and dreams

je veux figurer le glace-patin vraiment bien. je veux être un grand patineur ! il veut être assez bon me concurrencer !

i wish i could afford it though
i mean... after buying the house.... there isn't much left for other stuff

like...... several hundred dollar ice skates that will have to be seasoned.....

and suitable clothes for the sport.
and and and the money for the classes
and the money for the self practice
it is just so super expensive

bien, je devine que je pourrais employer les vieux patins de ma maman mais il est juste pas les mêmes qu'ayant mes propres et sachant quelque chose personne d'autre dans ma famille sait à faire.
IT'LL BE MINE. SOMETHING THAT IS MINE THAT NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM ME!

PERSONNE!!!

such an expensive sport
too bad though
i could have been a pro by now if not for an elder sibling getting all the limelight
sometimes stealing it
but i don't hate him for it
he never held what i did when i was young against me

should i say it in english?

okay i will.
for the benefit of the poeple.
haha what the hell

haha
okay
here goes

FIGURE ICE-SKATING WILL BE MINE!
MY BROTHER CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FORM ME! no one can!

naturellement… je devrai être vraiment déterminé et avoir la passion absolue pour elle avant que je puisse réellement dire qu'elle est la mienne. puits de l'OH. mais quels sujets est que je LE VEUX VRAIMENT ...... JE LE VEUX

but do i have time for it?
no
can i afford it?
no
will i be able to juggle studies, a life and skating and band and others?
no

i can totally drop the social life. maybe a bit hard to give up the leisure life. cannot drop the studies. totally cannot think of even thinking of dropping band.

and plus i bought a skatboeard intending to learn
haven't gotten very far
but i'm progressing
slightly.......

I WILL DO IT!!!

i will drop the social life and cut down the computer time and the lazing around after school time.

the problem is if my mum can dig out the $$ to pay for lessons, hours and extra stuff like loads of thick, high socks.

and plus, new skates once her's are done over and/or until i can actually fit into her old skates at all.

getting her approval is not that big a problem cause she wants me to have passion for something
anything at all(good things, of course)

why i don't have passion for:

band:

il y a toujours quelqu'un qui me diminuera. me faire la sensation comme je suce. ou cela je ne suis pas assez bon. ou cela je pas assez lnow. je sais, cela devrais me donner la passion. mais elle pas. c'est également très dur.
pour pratiquer quelque chose qui implique seulement votre main. parce qu'elle devient fatigante. vraiment fatiguant.

i do do self practice. but it's not enough. not enough at all. i guess i'm not cut out for something like this when i'm surrounded by people of the same age and YOUNGER EVEN who are way better than me by default. especially dans le cas de Monica. elle est entrée dans la percussion pendant 6 mois APRÈS QUE je. et elle est manière en avant de moi même avec de nouvelles chansons ET fondations d'étude de musique (the academic stuff) juste parce qu'elle a l'expérience de piano et elle est scolaireinclinée. hmph

studies:

uh... isn't it obvious.

i can only do pretty well in things if there is no one interrupting my progress.
in band, the interruption is constantly there. no, it's not my seniors. my seniors actually contribute to the love for band.
in my studies. well there are lots of things in my way
these are pathetic reasons

the computer! the tv! my phone!
teahcers! classmates! homework! social life! i hate my sociall life. i have almost no social life. even if i do, its witht he same ppl over and over. i love these ppl(as friends duh)and i love hanging with them but i want to be with a whole new character. thats why going out with my seniors is such a blast.
sadly, i don't do that often.

c'est pas ma faute!

c'est moi qui saigne! not the interruptions.

au revoir monde. je suis allé mourir
(goodbye world. i have gone to die.)
(no feelings were hurt in the making of this post. i have not bad mouthed anyone from the heart. maybe superficially. but they're just like complaints?)

I'm hanging by a thread|5:11 PM|

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

______________________________

i am going to type in french
for those who know conversational french, you will see that my sentence structure is a little off
but i get the message across so THERE

mon jour était correct aujourd'hui

le shanthini me parlait seulement enfin période.

ugh je la déteste pourtant je pas l'OH ouais ainsi quoi que ne pas savoir ce qu'est son problème sanglant elle obtient pissée pour aucune raison évidente apparente et quand elle est partout, elle refuse de me dire ce qu'est il ou… était et puis plus qu'elle fait cette chose non-parlante non mûre de irritation, plus plus gêné je suis. elle est comme, je suis son chien sanglant ou quelque chose l'ok…

détendent shannen je me demande s'il y a une version française de mon nommé…

nah, je ne pense pas ainsi l'OH j'utilise mon ordinateur portable d'imper de frères en ce moment.

droite tellement fraîche. mon frère est superbe se refroidissent !
l'ordinateur portable est couleur métallique de silverish et semble donner de mini décharges électriques toutes les fois que je touche les côtés par accident…

que j'évite maintenant les côtés… qui le rend dur pour me dactylographier… lutte…

hmmmmm… mon jour avec le melina était aujourd'hui manière plus d'amusement (bon presque) que n'importe quel autre jour ordinaire !

AHA

i a noté quelque chose ! tous ordinateurs dans la maison sont beng utilisé et le landline est engagé !

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

mon bro et ma maman utilisent les ordinateurs normaux. mon grand-mère est au téléphone. je blabbering. au sujet de la substance SUPERFLUE aléatoire.

l'OH i a eu la science réparatrice aujourd'hui !

je déteste la science. réparateur était le sondage superbe mais je ne suis pas parvenu à avoir que le sentiment de « ugh » j'ont habituellement.

réellement, j'étais une bonne fille et prenais des notes.

diable droite. puits ..........

que je dois passer…. ou bien je serai de retour dans cette prochaine limite de vie-gaspillage stupide de classe encore !

mon ami aime dire que j'ai. UM. hantises…

comme je ronflais les pirates accordent la journée entière. il était juste qu'un jour… et elle aient indiqué que je suis hanté avec le Français. je ne crois pas cela.

oh okay. forget it. i am going back to english. if you don't know what i said earlier.... check a dictionary! bwahaha. i'm so mean...
hmm

i said something about shanthini, melina and science remedial... and i mentioned obsessions that my friend said i have. and i was also talking about random randomness.

superfluous stuff.

yay

i love french
i absolutely just love french
yay
go french
the fashion
the country
the people
the LANGUAGE(langue)(hehehe)
and there is ONE song that i love super super much that is in french. it is just damn powderful!
hahahaha
again with the singlish

nevermind

i am talking to myself again

shut up shannen

I'm hanging by a thread|9:22 PM|

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

______________________________

i am going to edit all my posts off vulgar words...

I'm hanging by a thread|3:06 PM|

______________________________

i just got home from school
from the moment i step in the house
NAG NAG NAG NAG
its like my SHE is TRYING to pick a fight
i already had a bad day
shes making it worse

what a great start to the week
NOT

in school.
it sucked
some of it didn't
but majority of it did
science was first period
gahhh
i hate science
and i hate the science teacher
and i hate science books
on the stupid table
empty homework staring up at me
grr

next was PE
i hate PE
we had to do gym "patches and points" wth
and stupid shanthini got annoyed again
i tell you that girl is too high handed
every little thing i do seems to annoy her
is there something WRONG with disliking the person she forced us to let in in our group?
i dun think so
but that is so so so wrong to her
at least it seems like it
the idiot shanthini

then CHINESE
all my least fav subjects in the first half of the day
oh thats just swell!
not
okay okay i am extremely cranky
I HATE CHINESE
never passed since P2
SAD right
and i hate the teacher
plus shes my co form teacher
i like my form teacher
everyone prefers her to the co form
ugh
and i don't understand a word that comes out of her mouth thats in chinese

then recess
had it without HER
just melina and i
melina is good in certain ways
too goody two shoes
which is good for her
but she doesn't take offence
like..... she doesn't show her anger by ignoring people immaturely like *ahem* some people
she doesn't even show it at all
which is good for her environment but really bad for her
so i'm worried about that

then english
paired up with jolene thanks to a jigsaw
lucky there is no 'tension' between us so it was okay
english was okay

mathematics
i like maths
i like my math teacher
she is my form teacher
very hard to describe her
shes funny at times
and plus meghan sits beside me
so its really fun
and i ACTUALLY learn something from it everytime

i was supposed to meet patricia today
she was supposed to wait for me for 35 mins
so nice right
but we were let off late
and it took along time for me to get down
so she left after waiting for 20 mins
who can blame her?
so i went to seven eleven and bought 2 packets of chocolate
i love chocolate

when i got home
the 'she' started talking about what what what
then started on
nevermind
then she talked about how i never do self studying
and how i always sit at the computer
then she blames me for my mothers missing notebook
once again about the new house
and how she never sees me do my homework
she has stupid suggestions, that she suggests to herself by the way, to 'discipline me' like putting the heater on if i'm bathing first, and if i'm eatig first, don't switch it on
i mean, thats reasonable but HALLO
im not 5
she said 'yah, that's the only way what'
like i have to be controlled like that
i know what i'm doing
i CANNOT WAIT to get my own room
instead of sharing with her
i mean, its not always bad, but when she pisses me off, i go to lie on my bed, but when i walk into the room. the first thing i see is her bed
turn right
her cupboard
lie on my bed, i see... her stuff
ugh
next time, or next month.... i will be seeing only MY stuff
and she will have no right to enter unless i give her permission to do so
thats how much i hate intrusion
i mean, its my room
therefore, i can decide to let ppl enter or not right
of course my maid can
and my mum, depending on circumstances
and my bro...... he makes himself allowed to enter anyway. sometimes i mind, but its ok

i get pissed off with him much less than anyone else.
besides my maid
she's like another best friend
since i don't have one in sec school

people can only wish they had friendships like those on tv
best friends
who do everything together
encourage and support each other
love each other
and most of all, do not mind being with each other all the time
unlike *ahem* some people

the *ahem* people will never bother to read this anyway

hmmm....
if i think about it
i get pissed off too easily maybe
but at least i do not immaturely ignore the person like some queen unlike *ahem* some people

or i live in an environment with pissy people
yes, thats an option

i should just run away

i swear i will run away

if it gets any worse
HAH
i already know where to go
if i run away

i wonder if i'll ever be emo
no i don't wanna think about it
I AM NOT EMO

no i am not
i am not
i am not
i am not
i am not
i am not

I AM NOT EMO

i feel like i'm talking to myself

hmmmmmmm

my teacher had apparently broken her wrist
and she waited 6 hours
to be treated for roughly one hour
lame right
but yet so cool
meghan's cast is orange
she said its made of fiber glass
the teacher said it was soft at first, and wet
then its easy to wrap it around
then when it dries, its damn hard
so coooooool
i couldn't help but knock it and ask if it hurts
lucky it didn't
i can't imagine fracturing any part of my body

eeeee

I'm hanging by a thread|2:18 PM|

Monday, July 09, 2007

______________________________

I am NOT going to blog about a butterfly hippo.
I just couldn't think of a title
and I don't know if it is possible to actually post a post without a title. hmmm
maybe I should try it
it is sure as heck easier than having to think of some title every time

I woke up late today
just caught the bus
boring trip to school which is slightly unusual since I have two P6 friends who are really fun and make a great start to the day. and who ALWAYS sit next to me, we've been sitting at exactly the same places since I was P4
back row, me in the middle, Patricia on my right, Cheng Mun on my left. there were/are another 2. Clara and Shi Mei. Shi Mei went to gifted stream and transferred to Nan yang. Cheng Mun could've too, but she's loyal enough.
haha
kidding
Clara now sits on Patricia's right. so its like this...
seat-seat-seat-seat-seat
Cheng Mun's bag(selfish... "kidding"?)- Cheng Mun-Me-Patricia-Clara
a bit complex right?
it depends on how you look at it

Patricia is like kinda like my best friend. we met when I was in P3(she was in P1)
she lives on a lower floor in my block
of course..... now we are not so close but we still hold the.. um.. "title" of best friends

hmm

oh then I arrived at class.... feeling as if shanthini was mad at me
so I pretended to do something until Melina came to talk to me(cuz she was hanging out with shanthini)
then we talked
then I "did" okay, copied, geography homework then Melina went to talk to shanthini again so I decided to look busy.(cause sitting on a chair and staring into blank space when u r not stoning can make one feel a bit lonely right)

then Melina came to talk to me again, then we talked. normally I stand up to talk to her so I don't look so short(she is INCHES taller than me)

then suddenly shanthini came to talk to me. slight surprise there.

i asked her why she didn't come yesterday(botanic gardens, grooviest band thing)
she said she thought it was going to rain
that's why she didn't come to support
wow what a great friend
NOT
Melina's excuse was CHURCH
urgh
do I have NO real friends?
sounds a bit .... I dunno how to say... like that statement was based on one event.
but it wasn't
that isn't even the half of it
or not even the 1/10000000 of it
i am, of course, exaggerating

sighhhhhhh

I CANNOT BLOG PROPERLY BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE WALKING ALL AROUND MY HOUSE AND I HAVE A NAGGING FEELING THAT THEY WILL "PEEP" AT WHAT I AM TYPING

ugh

HAH
now what do u see

okay whatever never mind

changing to new subject:

Shannen hates her life

because everything is about the new house

let's talk about something
the new house
dinner conversation
the new house
reason why we are at any mall
the new house
i mean, I'm excited that we're moving and i get to have a whole new environment but SERIOUSLY, does everything have to be about the new house?!

changing to different subject:

I can't even be myself at home, nor in school

I can only be myself when i am by myself which is boring cuz I like... know what I’m like already

that sounds weird

ugh

I even have to stop myself from saying almost everything when I am at home!

and its because my mother is suddenly super pissy nowadays

we may get on her nerves easily now, but she is also getting on ours, everything is somehow wrong and she’s always in a bad mood
okay that’s not fair
she's not ALWAYS like that
Oh my god I sound like what she would say
why am I debating with myself?
whatever

okay, like just now, we were having dinner, we were at the TV
staring into a blank TVscreen
I was about to say something sarcastic about the fact that we were looking at a black screen for dinner and I even had to stop myself!
my mother was like... ‘what’
I was like ‘nothing never mind, I wanted to say something sarcastic but decided not to’
and she was like ‘GOOD’
WTH

I cannot voice out my thoughts
I cannot be humorous because no ******* body in my house has a sense of ******* humour except my brother but he's never around

everything I say is somehow taken into account when its wrong or negative or something that can be used against me

and everything i say that has any relevance to any certain thing, or anything I say that cannot quite be used against me is never taken into account and reactions are like I didn't even say anything
I even ******* get that ****** reaction in school

and then people say I’m mean.
I’m only mean because if I’m not, NOBODY HEARS ME
like if I say aye listen in a friendly tone, no one bothers
but if I say OI in that kind of hello!-are-you-listening-or-not!!! tone
then people have that are-u-mad reaction

I want to scream my head off
literally
as in, I want to scream, and hope my head drops off and I DIE

nobody will cry at my funeral anyway

and SHANTHINI is making everything worse

I have tried to nicely ask her to stop it, but as usual, I wasn’t heard
she probably really didn't anyway
so i am debating whether I should settle it the immature way and stop talking to her and then after a while tell her why or just tell her straight 'how I feel' and stuff and hope she quits

I will go with the mature way
But she’s immature
But I don’t care
Let her be immature
hmph

nobody knows what I'm talking about

well....

almost every comment that’s even slightly negative that i say to her about her, she says " look who's talking"

^&$#

I'm starting to wonder if she even ****** knows what that means!
F.Y.I it means " you too and you still can say that about me "(more or less, you know where I’m coming from)

urgh

she seems to find it fun

she's the most ******* childish 14 yr old I've met man seriously

I mean, when I "whine" I do it on purpose. and I revert back to normal after the occasional random whine.

hmph

and I said she makes everyone do everything for her
" look who's talking" seems to be her ******* favourite comeback though sometimes IT IS NOT TRUE
ugh
I DO NOT make everyone do everything for me
and I'm shocked that Melina actually does it for her

I mean, if you think about it, shanthini helps her do stuff too, and so she returns the favour

so i am like
a spare part
#&%$

she seems to try to find every flaw in me and point it out IN MY FACE and when I get annoyed and say one back, she says ‘look who’s talking’
*&$! her

its getting *&!#*** annoying and she knows I’m annoyed
she finds it FUN that I’m annoyed at her nonsensical comeback.
look who’s talking is actually a ****** rude comeback

i notice that whatever she says about me makes me out to be such a @*%#*** devil
A *****
HAH spoilt brat even

she doesn't know what spoilt is man

nowhere close to even what Meghan is
i shan't harp on the Meghan thing
I do not agree with what she says about Meghan, by the way

SKIP

anyway
I have a lot more to say
but I will delete this post I a few days/weeks time anyway because blogging negative things about people is very bad besides the occasional vent (though saying it in the face may make the person WANT TO CRY if you know what I mean)

I am very stressed
moving during exam time is not good
having all this emotional baggage is not good
homework is lagging
and I have 'no time' to study because the computer seems to have a tractor beam that only I get drawn onto/into

see! English is my best subject and I’m not even that good

yes, yes.
practice makes perfect blah blah blah

I seem to find that only slightly true when it comes to band(I LOVE BAND, have I mentioned? haha, totally enthusiastic) and it doesn't seem to have any effect on everything else I try to improve on

I should develop and attitude combined of Dianah's( not sensitive, nothing bothers her anymore thought it is a bit inhuman) and Charlie from flowers for/of(can't remember) Algernon( motivated, diligent etc)(perfect student material) okay so I don't wanna be a perfect student
if I was, it would mean something is totally bothering me until I have a totally new personality

weird
though I am 100% sure that NOBODY will notice

so I will be the perfect student when nobody is looking
haha

I'm hanging by a thread|8:36 PM|