I'm beginning to feel scared of you. And I'm scared of being scared of you. I don't know how, or when, to approach this. And I have no idea how you'll react. That, in itself, is scary.
When you know what's right & good but it's just so hard to do.
It's tragically ironic that you can want nothing more than your children to be happy, and you do everything in your power for them to be happy. And in the end, they're both depressed and hate themselves. And you wonder where you went wrong, but it wasn't you. You were the best part. But all you wanted was for them to be happy, and it turned out like this. It's fucking terrible and you don't deserve it. We are so sorry.
I can't feel anything anymore? All my days are hazed in a cloud of melancholy. I just feel meh in every quiet moment, and static in every noisy one. Weirdly enough, I can still feel ecstatic when I'm with you and we are having a good time. But when we are apart it gets progressively cloudy. I don't quite understand why. Have I latched? I'm doing my best not to. I just expect the worst and then get disappointed anyway, because I can't help but always still hope for the best. I'm too fucking hopeful for my own good. All this faith and hope, it won't just let me drown. sometimes I think it'll be easier to just drown. Then maybe I won't be disappointed so much. But that would take all the joy out of life - whatever joy I can still manage to feel. It's so hard to have a good day. Especially days without you. And that is honestly terribly concerning.
I've painted pretty pictures over the years. But behind all that, it's chaos; more chaos than I can articulate; more than I know how to feel. It's more than I feel I am able to express. Now it's coming up again. But the pretty pictures I've painted, they hinder the possibility of the people closest to me seeing what is happening. They couldn't possibly understand, because what they've thus far believed my life to be is so different. As the days pass, I continue to paint these pretty pictures. But when the nights fall, so do my tears. It's become so much that I don't even have thoughts, I'm just feeling. I am feeling everything and I am feeling nothing... At the same time.It's a glorious marbling of despair and emptiness, so perfect that it can neither be described nor adequately expressed - in any way. It hurts everywhere. Inside, outside, and everywhere else that can't be touched with hands. Help.
Caged in fear. Where do I draw the line?
The wounds I had felt time and time again but never came to know Now the scars are starting to show
Forgotten faces
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Scream, scream scream
Turn the other way
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