Weirdly enough, I can still feel ecstatic when I'm with you and we are having a good time. But when we are apart it gets progressively cloudy. I don't quite understand why. Have I latched? I'm doing my best not to. 

I just expect the worst and then get disappointed anyway, because I can't help but always still hope for the best. I'm too fucking hopeful for my own good. All this faith and hope, it won't just let me drown. sometimes I think it'll be easier to just drown. Then maybe I won't be disappointed so much. But that would take all the joy out of life - whatever joy I can still manage to feel. 

It's so hard to have a good day. Especially days without you. And that is honestly terribly concerning.