As I Say My Goodbyes

Saturday, January 31, 2015

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I don't know where to begin.

I'm hanging by a thread|3:22 AM|

Friday, January 30, 2015

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Like a message in a bottle upon the ocean floor.

Simultaneously expressed and repressed.

I'm hanging by a thread|2:03 AM|

Friday, January 23, 2015

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Heart-to-heart talks are great. Especially when it's people with whom you rarely have heart-to-heart talks (or even meet alone).

This was great. I learned so much more. And to think I've known her for 12 years, we've been close for 10 years, and we've been in the same core group of friends for 8 years.

I need to make an effort to spend time with these people one-on-one. There's so much more to be learned and so much more to be shared.

I'm hanging by a thread|1:24 AM|

Thursday, January 15, 2015

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Rinse and repeat

I'm hanging by a thread|12:11 AM|

Friday, January 09, 2015

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I can't even feel sad without feeling bad. Like I shouldn't be allowed to feel broken. Cos it wasn't because of circumstances, it wasn't because the other person felt differently or got bored or never cared.

It was because I am a shit person. I did this to myself as a result of my shitty being. I cannot reconcile that. I am so torn but I feel like I'm not allowed to be because I made it happen.

I think the worse part is that I feel like this is not something I do. It's not a thing I had ever had a problem with. So what the fuck was I doing?

I don't know how to feel. I don't know how I should be feeling. I don't know what I'm allowed to feel.

I wish I had full control of my emotions. Then maybe all this wouldn't have happened. I'd probably be less of an asshole if I felt less. But then that's also a problem.

I'm starting to believe I really don't deserve what I could have had. Too good for me.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:53 PM|

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Didn't think I'd feel like this so soon. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:13 PM|

Thursday, January 08, 2015

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So ready to give you my everything, and you're so ready to take it. But you're not ready to give me the same.

Now... why does this sound so familiar?

I'm hanging by a thread|11:04 PM|

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

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What is my constant?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:33 PM|

Friday, January 02, 2015

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A certain kind of rush, mixed in with a certain kind of fear. A certain kind of happiness I wish I could hold on to, to spread to other parts of my life. A certain kind of peace, a certain kind of light.

It's a hug for my soul. It's a fire for my heart. It's a hush and a stirring for my mind.

The times of pain and anger just make the contrasting feelings, which never seem to fade despite that, so much more real.

It's crazy and I love it.

I'm hanging by a thread|2:38 AM|