As I Say My Goodbyes

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

______________________________

wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong
always fucking shit up
always doing and saying all the wrong things
this is why you are alone. you don't deserve anything more.
you're a horrible person. look in the mirror and accept it.
you're disgusting beneath the skin. gross on the outside, gross on the inside. you belong in the trash with the cockroaches and rotting food.
cos you're a piece of shit. you don't deserve anything, only to drown in the misery that you caused yourself.
don't waste people's time. just end yourself, you'll be doing the whole world a favour - especially everyone you know.

I'm hanging by a thread|6:37 AM|

Monday, November 17, 2014

______________________________

Why do I keep doing this?
If this goes awry and up in flames, I'll have nothing and no one to blame but myself.
And the worst part is I'd have destroyed something that I believe is greater than all I've had before.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:51 PM|

Saturday, November 15, 2014

______________________________

I slipped. I'm falling again.

I'm hanging by a thread|10:02 PM|

______________________________

Maybe I'm addicted to pain.
I create my own suffering cos it's the only way I know how to live.
I pave the way for my own demise.

I'm hanging by a thread|5:58 AM|

Friday, November 14, 2014

______________________________

You were the poison in my veins, and your darkness I've become.
And this darkness engulfs the light; the light that I feel could ease my wounds.

I think you ruined me and ruined me for good. I got all bent out of shape and, like paper, I can't go back to how I used to be. I fear that this is what is going to destroy the beauty in my life, because I've forgotten how to let down my walls.
You taught me to fortify. I am now stuck in my isolation and I'm screaming to get out.

What if I lose something greater just because back then I couldn't lose you?

I can't let that happen.

I'm hanging by a thread|12:36 AM|

Saturday, November 01, 2014

______________________________

I've spent my entire life trying to fit in. Someway, somehow. I don't mean 'fit in' as in like the majority/society/mainstream shit. Obviously.
Until today, I still have not found a group in which I feel like I belong. I'm never truly part of the group. There's always a very significant differing factor, or I'm just hella different altogether.
I have yet to fully come to terms with the possibility that I will never find this feeling of belonging.
I can definitely appreciate the groups and everyone in them and all. It's just that sometimes, the fact that I don't really belong is so obvious to me.
I try to ignore it, I try to get over it.
I guess I'm not quite there yet.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:02 PM|