As I Say My Goodbyes

Sunday, October 30, 2011

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When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

Adele isn't my usual type of music but I love this song. The first time I heard it was when I was watching Bones and it just hit me.

I'm hanging by a thread|1:50 AM|

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

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I have faith in it.

I have faith in us.

I have faith in what we have.

I am not going to live in a dreamland where I think that it'll be perfect sunshine and flowers throughout. I am not going to say that we will last forever and all that jazz. The part of me that is a realist takes me back.

I told this to myself and I think it's something I'll stick to, not diligently but close enough: Hope for the best, expect the worst.

To hope for the best is to hold on, like all is not lost. It is to believe there is something that can be done, that there is always hope to keep you going.

To expect the worst is to leave disappointment in the dust. To expect is to be disappointed. Expecting the worst leads to surprise in the better. Doesn't surprise leave a sweeter taste than crushed expectations?

I will always be ready for the worst to come, whether it comes or not. It will most definitely crush me, but I won't be surprised if I really feel it coming.

I'm not saying I'm really good, but my intuition has been pretty accurate for me for as long as I can remember.

Good news is I don't feel the worst coming. I don't feel like I should be expecting the worst.

What I have right now is the hope. I feel us going places and I can see it in my mind. It looks nice. It's a good place to be.

There are things I've always imagined. I can draw the line between fantasy and reality. I will most likely not own a huge private condominium apartment, nor will I have the spending power to splurge on frivolous glitters. However, I can have a decent private condominium apartment and design the interior by myself (with a budget in mind) if I work hard for it.

I've always hoped to buy a Mercedes Benz for my mother, but that's going to be a little difficult unless I climb the ladder quickly. I could, because I plan to be specialised.

I've digressed. Anyway, I just feel something good going for us. I only hope for you to forgive me for whatever may come, especially my moodiness because that can take bitchy to a whole new level.

I'm unstable, to say the least.

Having found someone who can love me for who I am, that's something that makes me however happy I may be. Whether it's real, whether it lasts, I'll leave it to the big guy in the sky.

Goodbyes are all I've ever known. So whatever happens, I'll always be grateful to have ever felt what I feel now.

I'm not a person of regret. I never saw the point. It's over, there's nothing you can do to change it. If there's something you did that you regret, it was what you wanted wasn't it? And if you regret not doing something, regretting only takes up your emotional energy in the current time and place. Cos the past will never change.

The past makes the present and the present makes the future.

If you keep regretting the past, you're making your future out to regret the present. Cos you're brooding over what you should be learning from to make your future better.

Like it's always said; your past made you who you are today.

Of course, if you hate yourself today, change. You still can't change the past. Change yourself today so you don't hate yourself tomorrow.

I know for a fact that it's easier said than done. I have hated myself for the last 5 years or so and I continue but I'm trying to change. I'm trying to improve my future. I've learned a lot from my past in ways many peers haven't even thought of, I guess I can say I'm proud of that.

I'd been told to focus more on the good things. I'm slowly but surely finding more about myself to like. Perhaps, eventually, love.

For now, all my love goes out to you. I hope we never die.

I'm hanging by a thread|12:09 AM|

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

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Westlife was the bomb!

My aunt and I had a really deep conversation before the concert started. Westlife opened with When You're Looking Like That. They came out in suits and had little choreographed moves. It was super cute and their band was exceptional! The band was really top-notch, they filled all the empty spaces with amazing riffs and rhythms, they're a crowd-pleaser. I guess the band was very important because Westlife went backstage a few times to change outfits.

Somewhere in the middle, they came out in colourful clothes and did a medley of covers. It was fantastic! They sang Coldplay's 'Viva La Vida', Rihanna's 'Only Girl (In The World)', 'Time of My Life' (I don't know who sang the original), and Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance'. The transitioning was excellent.

Their encore songs were 'What About Now' and 'Uptown Girl'. Pity they didn't sing Lay My Love On You and Swear It Again, though.

For 'Beautiful Tonight', they invited 4 random girls up on stage. One of them was having her birthday and she had a huge sign that read 'Kiss Me It's My Birthday'. Of course, that got their attention. It helped that she was in the standing pit (in which they had set up chairs, of course).

Overall, I had a really good time. I can add this Westlife Gravity Tour concert to my list of concerts I've been to! Avril Lavigne in 2005, Linkin Park in 2007, Avenged Sevenfold in 2008, Green Day in 2010, Suede in 2011 and now, Westlife in 2011! Sweet, two concerts in a single year! It's not common for me because the people I'd like to see in concert are hardly mainstream (people who'd tour to Singapore, that is).

I pity the people who leave when the concert 'ends'. Obviously, these people don't know some basic concert 'etiquette'. Every concert has an encore performance unless they're so bad that no one wants one. Westlife gave a great show and hell, the crowd wanted more! I watched the people leaving after the stage lights went off and wondered if they did that for every concert they went to. That's missing out on a lot!

~ENCORE

I'm hanging by a thread|1:26 PM|

Sunday, October 02, 2011

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My relatives are coming over from Perth/Canberra. My uncle, his wife and my cousin, B, are coming over tomorrow. They're arriving at 3 in the morning... And my cousin, M, and her boyfriend (they've been 'travelling the world' together, she's my age and I'm not even allowed into Malaysia without an adult) are arriving the day after in the afternoon.

To be honest, I'm pretty indifferent about their visiting. The only thing I really want to do is spend some time with my uncle. He's a fabulous guy and his days are numbered. I love him so much. As for my cousins... it's nice seeing them and all but I'm not keen on clearing my schedule to bond and whatnot. M and her boyfriend will be joined at the hips anyway. I'm looking forward to seeing B cos I haven't seen him in years.

My holidays are starting on Tuesday and I've a week without my relatives before school starts again. That's a good chunk of my holidays with my relatives all over the house and demanding my time and attention. It's not that I don't love them or that I don't want to see them or that I don't care for them, I do. It's just that I had so many things I wanted to do during the holidays that I can't do with them around. It's just different. I wanted to dedicate some good amount of time to art (painting, printing, etc) but it's awkward with them around and they'll keep coming in to see my work and talk about it. I don't want people examining my art, I've had enough of that in the last 11 years of my life. This is recreational art. I especially wouldn't want my extended family observing my process and result lest they have nothing nice to say about it.

I also need to find a new floor tom. I've to find a good one and one that matches my set or at least matches the set I will have eventually. Yeah, I'm trying to replace the set I have, it's old and wearing down. I've got a new set of double pedals, now to get a floor tom. I think I'll go with black. I'm tempted to buy an entire 5-tom set but it's costly and I'll be paying out of my own pocket at present. I haven't got the money for that. My mother's in Eastern Europe. She'll be back soon but if I am going to get a new tom tomorrow, she can't help me. My bass drum is holding strong, though, so I guess the trio (bass drum, high & low tom) will stick around a little longer.

I've a small problem. I don't trust my own judgment of what a good floor tom is. Of course, it's personal about whether one likes the sound of their own drum but I still fear getting some incredibly ridiculous tom with horrible tone. I don't trust myself. I believe I'm tone deaf, to a certain extent. SUCKS.

Westlife is having a concert in Singapore tomorrow night. My aunt and I are going! I'm very excited for this. I love Westlife. They are amazing. What a great way to celebrate the ending of the examination period.

I lay my love on you.

It's all I wanna do.

Every time I breathe,

I feel brand new.

You open up my heart.

Show me all your love,

And walk right through.

I'm hanging by a thread|7:30 PM|

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This has so much truth:

"But altogether I think school is a waste of time, except for elementary school where you learn to read and to write, which is important. But school itself has no function. School should only be attended when one is ready to learn something. Like for example when you are thirty and really willing to study. School is just a necessary evil for all young people and everybody just hates it. You learn it all by heart without getting to the real meaning of things."

I'm hanging by a thread|7:13 PM|