As I Say My Goodbyes

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

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Heyy. I haven't been here for a while? Alright, maybe not such a long time. A few days perhaps. Hmm.

There are so many songs I am in the process of learning. Which is not too fun. I am learning Miss Murder, It's My Life, Dancing Queen, Last of The American Girls, Know Your Enemy, Take Me Out, the rock version of Nobody [which would be Crystal's work, we shall try to get a copyright on that], Yellow, Hysteria and That Thing You Do for IJ FIESTA. Sounds fun. Very taxing..

Mid-years start tomorrow. English, which doesn't make a difference to me because I will have to wake up early for an appointment at KKH. My tri-weekly ones [does that exist]. After my appointment, I am going to dedicate the entire day to: SOCIAL STUDIES. Gawsh. So I have Jayni's SS textbooks, because mine seem to have vanished into thin air. I know one of 'em is in Coffee Bean somewhere. Well, it was. It's probably non-existent by now [let's hope they recycled it...]. I don't think I can study everything in one day. I can see my DPA chance flying away..

I've been really stressed lately. I don't like it. Things are so surreal now. My mum isn't working. My grandparents more or less stay over all the time now, while Hon is in Perth with my uncle. Now, my uncle is another surreal story that I don't wish to share. My brother is in OCS [officer cadet school, after Basic Military Training. OCS is for the top 10% mmmhmm] and gonna be a Navy Officer if things go well. I've experienced violence in unexpected circumstance. There is a bass guitar in my room. I feel I have a chance of getting an A for something. I've been sleeping before 11PM recently.

Yes, sure. It's nothing to y'all [whoever is reading this]. It's something to me.

This is so fucking weird. I can hardly believe it's happening. No, you don't need to know. Nope..

Here's a concept that works. What I see you see differently. (;

My mum is behind me, sleeping curled on my pillow... She looks so distressed. I don't like this. I hate the look of some sort of affliction [might that be the right word...] on her face, even when she's resting! AHH.

GDM. Fuck it. I'm working towards something, I must achieve it. At least I'll add a little more light to her life.

Lala. I'm supposed to be happy right?

HEYY. 8D

Haha. Youtube is great. Definitely.

Look these people up. They're friggin' awesome. There are a few I can't remember though.. );

- charlieissocoollike [we all know I LOVEEE this dude]

- pyrobooby [Peter chao, yeah you can just search for that]

- winterspringpro

- realannoyingorange

- nerimon [fuckin' awesome too]

- captainvalor

I'm hanging by a thread|7:54 PM|

Thursday, April 22, 2010

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I think today was great, overall. Spent lunchtime laughing with Regina and Petrina. They're awesome, I swear! We were laughing until we were all crying. HAHA. Tears in our eyes from laughter. It's better than anything! And it all started with a normal topic of conversation. HAHA. My gosh, I loved it. We sat in the canteen for practically an hour, cracking up! We were laughing all the way until we split. 2nd and 4th level. ); Then things weren't so fabulous. >;(

"I'll tell Mr L__ you didn't do anything".

Yeah, what's new? -.-

If you're not happy, tell me you're not happy like today. That was better than not saying anything and then complaining. Complain and complain and I don't even know you're complaining because I don't know I did something wrong! Omg. I thought you were better than that. I guess it's all art teachers. -formed stereotype-

Yes, well. Who cares anymore. Ladeeda. Fuck it. (; I have my weekend.

So today was kinda unusual? The day started with Ng shifting seating positions. In the end we were in halves. Slanted, with about 5-6 to a row, connected. If you look at it from a certain angle, we were rows of arrows? Sort of. I was sandwiched between Hui Quan and Claudia. Funky. Claudia and I were partners in P6. However, this time she was on my right. In P6 she was on my left. This was rather inconvenient because she's a lefty. ); *clash*

Math left me in a whirl of confusion. ); x 100000

I don't think I will ever understand Completing The Square. );

Geography was pretty stressful! Writing like a mad man and my essay looked more like scribbles... Then again, doesn't my handwriting always? :/

Hmm.

PoA was funky. Brenda and I were laughing our asses off. At first she was laughing at me, then somehow we were laughing a lot?? I don't get it but it was funny.

Bio was weird. The teacher was suddenly so open about her engagement. I guess the bridal show inspired her? HAHA. After Bio (last period) was a spotcheck. F&N girls were subtly warned yesterday but Art girls had no idea. Unfair much?

Anyway, everyone panicked for some reason. I think it's a natural reaction to panic whether you have 'illegal' devices with you or not when you're a student, right? Haha.

Complicated stuff. Blah blah blah.

After art, went for dinner with the tuition dudes minus Brenda. Swensens ftw. At bishan.. ??? Lol. Cos it's close to AMK which is where we were headed for tuition.

I feel smarter after every tuition lesson. Ain't it great? I understood Bank Recon in 2 hours. Something I should've known from sec 3. (; Then again I don't think I know anything from sec 3 if it hadn't been recovered last or this year. Funny? (;

I think there's more to it though.. );

Looking forward to tomorrow I guess? Principal's talk (not so relaxing though, pressurized to look presentable and what not) followed by SS (first subject, keep counting), followed by Mother Tongue DURING WHICH I AM TOTALLY FREE (not counted as a subject), followed by recess, after which is English DURING WHICH I AM TOTALLY FREE (not counted as a subject), followed by PoA (second subject, you're done counting). Woots.

I love my fridays.

My back hurts a lot. ); And my hip is acting up again, troublesome to walk around the house. );

It's past 11! I should be asleep! This is what happens when you're out til dark. );

I'm not even going to start on yesterday's events. That dude should really get out of this convent. We're not here to learn vulgarities and how to throw chairs.

I'm hanging by a thread|10:34 PM|

Monday, April 19, 2010

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stress.

If I had one wish, I'd wish to drop dead and not be mourned for.

I'm hanging by a thread|9:42 PM|

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

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Years and years.

The last time I saw you, was the year tragedy struck for us all.

The next time I see you would be the next time tragedy strikes us. With a greater magnitude.

Now I wouldn't say I've never experienced this before, but never so close to me.

So close that it really makes a difference.

If I could, I would. Absolutely. But I can't. As much as a priority you are, no one is going to agree that I should travel and sacrifice a competition & exams.

This year of all years. Is this testing my coping skills?

Live life to the fullest. You'll never know when it's gonna end, and even if you do you may not be in the condition to do what you've always wanted to.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:20 PM|

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

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Let's start with some random information? And then we'll move on to the main point (not that there was a planned one) of this post.

I'M ADDICTED TO SOLITAIRE. I use about half of my iPhone battery on this game!

Still addicted to Charlieissocoollike.. (; *sigh*

Well, well, well, what have we here? ); Adverse reactions ey. Not nice not nice.

IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE PERSON I AM Y'KNOW. -_-

St Pat's concert yesterday. It's still awesome, as usual. I appreciate the opportunity to have gone yesterday. (; I haven't been to a St Pat's concert for about FIVE years! They did We Will Rock You (I'm not sure if that's the real title, but it's the main lyric so whatever) which they'd done YEARS ago (about 6, 7? years ago) except this time they compiled it with songs like We Are The Champions (still not sure of the title) and Another One Bites The Dust (totally unsure of the title). (;

Of course, these some several years ago when they did We Will Rock You, it was the whole song. (; And the best saxophonist (not being biased, he got many solos and many funky extras) stood up to RAP it, baby! -hearts-

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION: I was sitting 4 seats away from the Guest of Honor! I was laughing at my bandmates (I was the only Percussionist. Obviously everyone else goes with their section... Bottom line; I was alone) on the first tier with their $10 tickets (cheapest). Cheapskates LOSE! I bought the $25 one, lo and behold! Guest of Honor. I was supposed to be practically beside him, but some woman came and moved me to the side cos the Guest of Honor would have had to "move past" me to get to his seat. WTF. I PAID FOR MY TICKET, bitch! )';

Everything was still just fine! (; I WAS STILL IN THE BEST ROW IN THE HOUSE.

So, enjoyed the concert. Their Merry Widow Selections was SUPERB. I was disappointed, though.. Mildly. It was basically a St Pat's Alumni Band concert cos they played more than the St Pats Military Band. -_-

And they had St Stephen's Primary perform too! Y'know what!? They're better than us! NO SHIT. >.>

Of course, I know we will never survive Glosz because we're petty, spoiled, totally not serious (hate to say it, just look...) brats. We'll all cry in 2 minutes. -_- It's OK! We must persevere!

WE MUSTN'T GIVE UP JUST BECAUSE ST PAT'S IS COMPETING AGAINST US IN SYDNEY. UGH. Everyone's attitude is: Ah forget it what's the point, St Pat's is gonna own us.

Um, WHERE'S THE EFFORT to even TRY to beat them? *tense*

OK. Chill...

(;

I'm supposed to be doing Math now... I'm supposed to be doing Art now...

I will never make it to DPA this way. Ahhh. Kill me. No, it's OK, I didn't mean to trouble you. I'll do it myself, thanks.

My mundane existence on this earth.

I'm hanging by a thread|8:43 PM|

Sunday, April 11, 2010

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Omggg. Hahaha he's damn cute. *hearts and hearts*

I'm hanging by a thread|1:29 AM|

Saturday, April 10, 2010

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He's a smart kid. Mmmmhmm

I'm hanging by a thread|10:21 PM|

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Understanding teenage boys. I love this dude, seriously. I've been watching his vids all day today. D; (not to mention his british accent, we all know it's lovely). He lives in Bath, if I'm not wrong.

Have y'all ever had Wine Gums? Say, from Marks & Spencer's or Candy Empire?

(; Yay.

I'm hanging by a thread|10:01 PM|

Thursday, April 08, 2010

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Hey, keep your head high. Don't be too upset. However likely it is for myself to carry it out, I would never want you to.

It's interesting how I worry about all this more than my own. Hmm.

If I could, if you would, I'd do my best to.

I'm hanging by a thread|8:39 PM|

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

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No, no this can't happen. I hope and pray that it's a prank or really short-term.

So hey hey.

I'm feeling pretty morose these days. Any explanation? Not quite...

Perhaps I'm entering a couple of weeks of negative feelings. This cycle doesn't seem to end? People say it's normal, well I don't like it.

I'd have a few weeks of happiness and contentment, and somehow I'll transit into a storm that lasts pretty long. About the same amount of time as the joy.

How is this normal? I really don't get it.

I think I'm just odd.

So I get a little snappier, a lot more sensitive, and extremely insecure.

Sigh.

Lately the feeling's been lonely. I can be surrounded by all my 'friends' but I'll still feel pretty alone? Weird as it is. Something is missing...

I just wanna curl up on my bed and do nothing, think about nothing, talk about nothing, feel nothing... Wouldn't life be much too easy if we all could do that?

I think too much.

Someone kill me now? I'm begging please.

You needn't miss me or think about me. Just forget me.

I'm hanging by a thread|10:57 PM|

Monday, April 05, 2010

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My insecurities are flooding back in. I thought I'd lost 'em for a while. Sigh. Will I never be fully secure? Then again, I don't think anyone can be fully secure. Those who seem to be, are overly secure which show signs of deep insecurity...

Too complex for my mind to process at one AM.

I'm waiting for my Pattypan Squash in Farmville to be ready to harvest before I throw in the towel. ); 76%. I think I've to wait until um.. 2? Or so... );

I don't know why I'm here. I'll go now.

I'm hanging by a thread|12:55 AM|

Saturday, April 03, 2010

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Hello. (;

I haven't updated for a while, have I?

Last Friday, my mother bought us an iPhone using her $200 voucher. We were going to use it on any phone my brother wanted, but he couldn't make a choice. The iPhone is shared amongst us, awesome family. I've got the first round. (; Cos I know how to use it. Mmhmm. Many people find it pointless to have an iPod Touch AND and iPhone. Which is reasonable. But they don't know that the iPhone isn't MINE. So I can't put all my shit in it. The iTouch is for all my shit, and the iPhone is just for me to have fun texting and calling like an iDiot. (; Not to mention the iPhone battery depletes really fast...

School has been stressful, but what's new eh? Art's a killer as usual. Math is crazy. Sigh.

Mum's birthday falls on Easter, finally! It's always been during lent, so she always had to celebrate later. This year, her birthday falls on the most important Christian holiday. (Y) Wonderful isn't it?

Fantasia was a blast. I fucked up a lot.... but I think we ended good. Percussion (only) concluded the concert with Poker Face, our busking piece. (; That is one Fantasia to remember, baby!

I've just run out of things to say.. Hmm.

Everyone, buy guitars from Crystal. (; hhhahaha.

My plans for the weekend ain't much, really. Tomorrow it's breakfast (8.30! wth) with the mother, uncle and brother.

AHYES.

MY BROTHER.

HE'S PLATOON BEST!!!! So on the day of his POP (Passing Out Parade) WE (grandmother and I) GET TO SIT ON A GRAND STAND AND WATCH HIM RECEIVE A PLAQUE. Fuck yeah!

This is why my brother is so fucking fantastic.

Eee I just realised... this means my mother's gonna be in Perth real soon. );

I'LL MISS HER. );

Can't wait for her birthday lunch on Sunday though. (; Sunday would be fun, tomorrow wouldn't. );

Way to go with the opposites. Tomorrow's a breakfast and a "midnight" Easter Vigil. Sunday's a birthday lunch and then dinner with Aloysius. Sunday's got more things going on. Tomorrow is dedicated to ART. ARRRRGH. As if we do nothing but Art. It's a holy weekend, Catholics have THINGS TO DO. -.-

I wish I could just disappear...

Like, forever....

(;

I'm hanging by a thread|1:45 AM|