As I Say My Goodbyes

Friday, October 31, 2008

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I Won't See You Tonight Pt 1. - A7x

It's actually based on the suicide of former bassist Dameon Ash. Resembles his suicide note. ='(

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and loved

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame
As bottles called my name, I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and most of all I loved
but I can't see myself that way
please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone. Please baby don't follow me tonight.
And while I'm gone, everything, it will be alright.

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

I'm hanging by a thread|12:06 AM|

Monday, October 20, 2008

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I'm not caring as much as I should. Why?

I should be super upset and troubled and annoyed at myself.

But somehow the feeling just doesn't come. I don't feel like... OMG. Or something.

Basically I feel nothing.

Maybe cos I know I made this all happen to myself.

Or maybe cos I truly don't care.

Or maybe cos I've fully accepted that fact, and expected it too.

I guess I'll never know. I just don't know myself.

I should be completely sad and upset or something. I don't feel anything. Not so much as a tiny blow. It's as if nothing happened.

There wasn't any stress relief either when everything was over and done with. Does that mean I didn't feel stressed enough about them?

But I never did. Maybe that was my downfall. My ultimate downfall was not feeling the importance. Maybe not understanding it.

So what am I supposed to feel? Someone tell me please. Cos I don't know.

I'm hanging by a thread|8:03 PM|

Saturday, October 18, 2008

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It struck me deep with every word.

The saddest song I've ever heard...

I'm hanging by a thread|10:11 PM|

Thursday, October 16, 2008

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Everything. Just... Everything.

Won't my prayers for death ever get through?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:15 PM|

Monday, October 13, 2008

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If yesterday brings a better tomorrow, I'm never gonna see the day. If I never return, you don't have to remember me. My heart is broken, my scars split open. So this knife will be my ___ and take me from this world. Take me from this world, take me from this pain. Take me by the hand, make it go away. The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna lose it anyway. The losing card tonight I'll lay. I gotta save myself from myself. A slow bleeding at my soul. Yeah sure, I'm a coward. Plainly running. There isn't a future up ahead for me. There's nothing I've got potential to be. All I've got now are my sharp&shiny toys. I turn the volume up so all you hear is noise. There's only so much a human can handle. Oh, so say suicide is wrong. Evils of the world couldn't be less wrong. Tears water my soul every single day, never failing. I'm going through this on my own and soon I will go through nothing. Nothing at all. The pain will be over. You'll see the smiles light up on each other's faces the moment you get the news.

I'm gone.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:10 PM|

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Saying 'I love you' is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say,
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart were torn in two
More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new just by saying 'I love you'

More than words

Now I've to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do Is close your eyes and reach out your hand and touch me
Hold me close, don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart were torn in two
More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new just by saying 'I love you'.

It's a lovely song isn't it...y

Labels: iPod touch

I'm hanging by a thread|3:47 AM|

Saturday, October 11, 2008

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Now bear the shattered pieces of my broken heart.
Wow you replace fast.
It's sad though, never had what I thought we might.
I guess I expected too much. Cos I should've known that with the way things were going, nothing would ever change.
My heart made real and back together in place today, and I read that half a sentence and it crashed into pieces again.
A million pieces left to whole. You've left me but emptiness to hold.
I infer that you do this a lot. I should've seen it coming.
I put too much faith in you and now it's all gone. And I trust in one other and I hope it wouldn't fail cos I swear by then there'll be nothing left to patch my heart back together. Shattered crushed disintegrated. That's it, the end.
And now I hope I don't see you cos it hurts every time I do.
Why does it always turn out this way.
The best fell through to the worst and things become irreparable.
And now I need to slowly walk away from you before it hurts too much to fix.

You integrated me into your life and pushed me out just as quickly. Why didn't I see it coming.

I'm hanging by a thread|1:42 AM|

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

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Can you see my phone and the thing I have attached to it?

If I had but one wish come true...

Art
Ain't my life just a work of art.
A ~~master~~ disasterpiece.

I'm hanging by a thread|7:35 PM|

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How I wish I had such a friendship...
But I guess it doesn't exist in reality.
It's all just some stupid fantasy.

I'm hanging by a thread|12:47 AM|

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

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Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Created by OnePlusYou

Hm.

I hate life.

I'm hanging by a thread|5:23 PM|

Sunday, October 05, 2008

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Sometimes I cling on for dear life. And sometimes I just let go but someone catches me.
So why is it that when I'm falling but still holding on, everyone just watches. Then when I finally let go, someone does something?
You are supposed to be the one who walks in when the entire world walks out. But all I see is your silhouette drifting further, right along with the rest of the world. And so I've given up on hoping you'd stay by me like you said you would. Call me a bitch but sometimes I push you away just to see if you'd try to pull me back. Every response I expect comes true, of course.
Walk away. I don't want to care anymore...
No don't. I'd die.
I don't even know if I want you to go or to stay. Part of me hates your guts but part of me wants you to stay.
I should shut up now.

My life seems so... Unpredictable. I mean, I'm predictable, but my life isn't. A valley mountains, if that even makes any sense at all. There are periods of time where I get so down and it lasts.
And then there are periods when I'm happy and it doesn't last long.
Sometimes it's a day, sometimes it's a few days. Maximum a week.
I don't know... It's probably just me. But there's never been a day where I've been completely euphoric.
Think, if I were to leave and never return, wouldn't the world be a brighter place.
Wouldn't everyone around me live happier, just by the absence of my presence. Whether it's realised or not.

Somewhere along now, I'm clinging on for dear life. I feel I'm slipping away, for now I'm holding on. It won't last long. I know it. It won't take much to send me crumbling down again.

I need more than this. I need the love I knew I would miss.

I'm hanging by a thread|5:43 PM|

Thursday, October 02, 2008

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Show me your face under the mask.
Show me who you really are.
I know there's more to you.

I'm hanging by a thread|7:14 PM|

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

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I don't think it really makes a difference to anyone's lives whether I live or die. No one's gonna notice. No one's gonna care.
No, everyone won't even notice let alone care. I don't care. Don't care.
You all won't notice when I disappear forever.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:58 PM|