As I Say My Goodbyes

Monday, July 28, 2008

______________________________

Everyone and anyone who reads this blog:
Please answer this question:
Am I an attention seeker?

Thanks.

I'm hanging by a thread|8:12 PM|

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

______________________________

It seems my touch only brings back the pain.

The sun will set for you.

I AM NOT EMO. I'm a happy kid. =)

:O OMG I MEAN I'M A HAPPY KID WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM.

I'm a happy kid. =):

I would give it away...

I'm hanging by a thread|11:49 PM|

Saturday, July 19, 2008

______________________________

I love my seniors.
I'll miss my seniors.

Maybe love from the best people on a certain day with a certain mood just works like magic.

- I'll study.
- I'll pay attention in class.
- I'll do my homework.
- I won't sleep in class, control as much as I can.
- I'll bring all my books.
- I'll stop the hating.
- I'll try my best to be a good ASL.
- I promise, I won't give up on God... And uh, myself. =}
- Underoath. *Takes note*
- SYF will be the bomb. Ahemgoldwithhonoursahem.
- Section competition will also, be the bomb. Top 3 here we come.
- Basics, basics, basics all the way! \m/
- I love 4/4's class in the morning. Ahem. Ahem.
- Yummy cookies. =D
- I'll work super hard, to ACE my Maths. Or at least, almost.
- I will be promoted to sec four, and not like what Mrs Tan said, retain in sec3.
- I realised that, mixing Dona and Der Vogelhandler's act2, is a nice combination.
- I haven't strived for a long time, I'll start now.
- I haven't felt so encouraged and determined, I'll start now.
- I'll try my best to not be emo.
- This is the time I'll do my best, and I'll owe it all to them.
- Lost out in the cold and they give me warmth.

I love them.
So much.

You could tell me tonight, that maybe the world would end.
Just as long as I spend that last day with them, it'll be the perfect ending.
You could tell me tonight, that the sun wouldn't rise and it was gonna rain again.
Just as long as I'm standing in the rain with them, I wouldn't mind the water.
It's closing time. Open all the doors and let you out into the world.
Can't help but wish that I was there, where I'd love to be.
I'm gonna miss them so much.

How long will this feeling last? Maybe Tuesday comes and I realise I can't follow and it'll all go to waste.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:19 PM|

Friday, July 18, 2008

______________________________

Did I not love you enough.
Why do you do this to me.

Favorite things

Color: Black, Purple, Red, Orange, White.
Person: Tiffany.
Pet (Not animal. Pet. Either living or dead. Yours or a friends): Gustav the monitor lizard.
Number (lucky or just magic): 27
Childhood memory: ...
Thing to do when you're bored: Blog, listen to music, annoy people to death.
Person to talk to when you're bored: Uh. Idk.
Place to shop: I like Queensway? But I don't shop at certain places, I shop everywhere.
Food (The whole meal, not a category): Eggs? =(
Place to go when you're sad: My closet...?
Place to go when you're happy: Anywhere? But somehow I end up right here, in front of the computer so it makes no difference.

The Last Stuff

What's the last thought that crossed your mind: "Spend some time"
Person you spoke with you in real life: Mother.
Person you spoke with on the phone: Mother.
Person you spoke with online: Andrew.
Person you sent any sort of snail mail to: Megan.
Place you went: Changi Airport.
Thing you did before bed last night: Watch Marilyn Manson Interviews on Youtube.

Friends and Family stuff

Who's your best friend: Tiffany. <3
Any siblings: Older brother.
Are your parents still married to each other: Nah.
Which parent do you like better: Neither?
Would you voluntarily hang out with your sibling: I LOVE MY BROTHER.
What about your parents: I'll have to think about that one...

Random stuff

If you could have an accent, which would you have: French.
Do you remember your dreams: Yeah...
Do you speak any foreign languages: Not really. My French is like iawgiiwuawehgiuw
What's your middle name and why is it that: Maria and it's a short story but I'm not gonna type it out now.

Relationships stuff

Are you married, dating, or single: Single
If you had the opportunity, would you go back out with any of your exes?: Go away.
Have you ever had a friend try to steal your bf/gf?: No.
Would you rather be single and have lots of friends or married: Uh.
Do you really tell your significant other everything: No. I tell no one everything.
Have you ever cheated just because you can: Nah.

Last stuff

Have you ever cried in public just to get attention: Eeeeesh! Yes to the first, no to the second.
Have you ever lied just to get attention: Why?
Would you ever collaborate with a friend's lie just to make them look cool: It's what they want, as long as helping them doesn't get me in deep shit. A little is fine.
Assuming you were rich, where would you buy your clothes: DKNY and Chanel. The loves.
What makes you smile: Uh.
What makes you frown: Uh.
What's your ultimate goal/dream: I am not answering that question.

Sorry emo post. I'll shaddup now.

I'm hanging by a thread|12:51 AM|

Friday, July 11, 2008

______________________________

The wind of life and air from above smells like death.
Angels sing of the end.
Nothing you say, and nothing you try, can change time.
Human race prepares to die.
Slit my wrists, take away the pain.
Slit my throat, everyone's to blame.
Lost in the fields of confusion.
Restless nights, they're not far away.
I came here for something and I'm not turning back.
A calm piece of mind but you still hold my keys.
Keeping my fate deep within your threshold.
Petty inconvenience but it means the world to me.
You have the power to set me free.
Caught in your grasp, just let me be.
Give me control out of these depths.
A fiery hell, I pray for death.
I've been the wrong one time and time again.
Now I'm on my knees, forgive me please.
Tore my heart out and handed to me on a silver platter.
Sew up the hole, emptiness in the place of compassion.
You made me this way. I am the product of your creation.
Look the other way, now you've turned your back on me.
The chill of cold wind. The breath of the dead.
Imprisoned souls, trapped for eternity.
You can feel the thoughts of the dead.
You can feel it tonight. The wood has rotted away.
Take the time, absorb it.
Their time is slipping away.
Smell the burning embers, time flickering away.
Timeless but soon gone.
And I can find myself, alone with just my thoughts.
As time crumbles away.
A living nightmare.
The endless torture, the painless pleasure.
I grasp myself, trying to regain control.
I can feel the pain. Emotional pain's so much deadlier.
Pain, your friends can't help you.
Why won't they help you? Another reality.
This can't be happening.
Trying hard to figure out what's done.
I scramble but now I run. The images in my head.
All the problems that I've been fed.
No matter what I do or how hard I try.
I can't use my abilities.
Black and grey clouds willow in the balance as the sun falls.
Rain plays a heart warming tune on the pavement.
Black as night, cold as ice, warm as home, ready to live.
Stars, they shoot in a clear across the sky.
As does my time.
Waiting, wanting, feeling, emotion.
Crying, breaking, loving, nothing.
Clouds swallow the moon and I'm alone.
Thinking, good times, and why'd they go?
Breaking down, breaking away from me.
I bleed in pain, testing what I know.
The innocent, an evil in disguise.
Stand tall, they'll break your heart.
Stand tall, they'll tear your down.
Stand tall, scar your soul.
So much time I've wasted.
I can truly say I never thought it would come to this.
Never would I doubt you, but the truth kept smacking me in the face.
Reality, you never stopped to think and you ripped us apart.
Tears run down as I think of the days we've had.
And the memories will last forever.
So much time I've wasted and I never thought it'd come to this.
We had something great, then it washed away.
We had something more, that I can't explain.
Not all friendships last. The genuine are harder to take.
One system to our demise.
Drained with confusion.
Now your face in my picture frame, it's gone forever.
Right before my very eyes.
And just when I thought I made light of things.
It slips away... Into darkness.
My life passes, now I see.
Just what this world does hold for me.
Am I out of time, is that what this means?
Your life, flies by.
My life, I die.
Through the problems thick and thin, through the problems, we'll fight through.
You live your whole life staring at a wall.
Your mind goes blank sooner now you will fall.
I'VE COME HERE TO KILL YOU.
WON'T LEAVE UNTIL YOU'VE DIED.
MURDER BORN OF VENGEANCE.
I CLOSED MY BROTHER'S EYES TONIGHT.

MEH. Is it over yet?

I'm hanging by a thread|8:56 PM|

______________________________

Yeeesh.
Teachers are like stalkers. hahah. Yes Ashlee?
It's CREEPY AIN'T IT.
It's as if the ENTIRE "FREEDOM OF SPEECH" thing disappears and becomes obsolete.

Teachers. Leave us kids alone. =(

I'm hanging by a thread|7:23 PM|

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

______________________________

OMG.
Gunslinger is a freaking nice song. =')

I know their new album is freaking mainstream but it's nice. O.o does that mean... Neh mind.
I like it. Avenged Sevenfold. <3

I'm gonna type out the damn lyrics cos I hate the font difference. Once in a while it's alright but now it's getting on my nerves HAHA.
Uh. yeah.
The lyrics from the video. So there's the narration in the beginning.

Story.
A man fires a rifle for many years.
Then he(?) goes to war.
And afterward, he turns the rifle BLAH BLAH BLAH. Couldn't hear clearly.
And he believes he's finished with the rifle.
But no matter what else he might do with his hands.
Love a woman(guitar starts playing in the background. lol), build a house, change his son's diaper.
His hands remember the rifle.

Yeah, you've been alone.
I've been gone for far too long.
But with all that we've been through.
After all this time, I'm coming home to you! [Awww]
Never let it show.
The pain I've grown to know.
Cos with all these things we do.
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you.
I reach towards the sky.
I've said my goodbyes.
My heart's always with you now.
I won't question why so many have died.
My prayers have made it through, yeah.
Cos with all these things we do.
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you! (Video starts explosions to go with the music)
Letters keep me warm.
Helped me through the storm.
But with all that we've been through.
After all this time, I'm coming home to you.
I reach towards the sky, I've said my goodbyes.
My heart's always with you now.
I won't question why so many have died.
My prayers have made it through, yeah.
Cos with all these things we do.
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you.
I've always been true.
I've waited so long just to come hold you.
I'm making it through.
It's been far too long, we've proven our love over time's so strong, in all that we do.
The stars in the night, they lend me their light.
To bring me closer to heaven with you.
(bring me closer...)
But with all that we've been through.
After all this time, I'm coming home to you.
I reach towards the sky.
I've said my goodbyes.
My heart's always with you now.
I won't question why so many have died.
My prayers have made it through, yeah.
Cos with all these things we do.
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you.
And with all that we've been through.
After all this time, I'm coming home to you.

We are still in the desert.

TADAA end of video.

Anyway...
Uh. I know why I don't blog on blogger anymore.
Because the font in the composition space is so big.
It makes me feel so insecure. ='(

I'm hanging by a thread|11:00 PM|

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

______________________________

MORE SURVEYS.
Enjoy. Not. Hah hah hah.

1. Spell your middle name backward:

airaM

2. Story behind your first name?

No story

3. When's your birthday?:

8 Dec

4. Where do you live?:

Tampines

DESCRIBE YOUR:

5.Wallet:

It's retarded. Bright red with a cat's ass.

6.Your eyes:

Hollow

7.Toothbrush:

TRANSLUCENT. Like a hotel toothbrush too.

8.Jewelry worn daily:

NIL

9.Cell phone:

Samsung! Black! Sliding! i450

10.Pillow cover right now:

Maroon

11.Car:

I own not a car

12.Bedroom walls:

Yellow/beige

20. wanting:

_____________________________________________________ You'll never know.

21. what are you doing after this:

What is 'this'? If you mean COMPUTER then I'll sleep after this.

22. if you could get away with it and

murder anyone, who would it be?:

OMG.... I have a list. First place I'd go to is _____'s place. Idk where but I'll FIND IT.

23.Person and/or people you wish you

could see right now?

_______. Cup noodles.

25.something you're looking forward to

in the coming week:

Uh Friday? THURSDAY. =D

26.something you just ate:

I drank. Rose syrup.

27. something you are deathly afraid

of:

I have another list. ='''(((

28. do you like candles:

LOVE EM. I ESPECIALLY love LIGHTING them. Sorry. Pyromaniac blogging here.

29. do you like incense:

It's OK. Do I get to light it?

30. do you like the taste of blood:

LOVE IT. See... Potential VAMPIRE. Rawr.

31. do you believe in love:

Yeah... But it hurts shit

32. Do you believe in hell?

YES AND I believe I will spend my afterlife there being tortured.

34. do you believe in heaven:

Yeah. I believe it exists for the successful yet humble. That's all. It's been instilled in my brain that success is EVERYTHING now. =(

35. do you believe in God:

Not in a right place to answer that but I guess yeah.

36. Do you have a tattoo?:

No.

37. If you could eat something right

now what would it be?:

_____'s HEART dammit. Or the slowly-peeled-off flesh. Eeks no I'm not a cannibal. A pill that would make me lose 7 KG OH I will thank everyone around me for no reason.

38. Are you addicted to Friendster:

I'd say NO even though almost all my surveys come from there.

39. can you eat with chopsticks:
Yes but I have reason to believe I'm doing it wrongly.

40. what's your favorite coin:

Um.

41. what are some of your favorite

candies:

Um.

42. Favourite Coke:

Coke? Vanilla coke? Idk.

43. what's something you wish you

could understand better:

MATHS. =( Nah. Human behaviour ='(

44. If you could turn back time, what

would you change?

A lot of things. But I wouldn't change my results or the split.

45. If given a million dollars what's

one thing you would buy?

I'd save half of it, give 20 percent to people, throw a party then spend the rest of gifts for people and myself.

46. Can you cook?

NO. hah hah.

47. would you sacrifice your favorite

possession for the best sex you'll

ever have:

Yeeks no.

What color is your toothbrush?

White-ish translucent-ish

Name one person that made you smile today?

Tiffany.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Something on the computer most probably.

What is your favorite candy?

Idk.

What is the last thing you said aloud?

"Yah yah OK. Goodnight"

What is the best ice cream flavor?

COOKIES&CREAM

What are you wearing right now?

Red fbts and a spongebob shirt. I sleep in these wahah.

What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

SALTY

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on friendster?

Um. *checks*
Felicia =)

Do you go to church every Sunday?

No.

Do you like Chinese food better than pizza?

No.

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Yes.

What did your last text message say?

If the messages are more than a line long then I consider it private sometimes. But it's from Felicia. =)

What are you doing tomorrow?

Esplanade with Monica.

Look to your left, what do you see?

My LOVELY bedshelf.

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Depends.

Do you have a dog?

No.

Last girl you talked on the phone with?

Um. Mother isn't a girl. Jake ISN'T a girl HAHAH =D Dianah. =)

Last guy you talked on the phone with?

Jake HAHAHAHHA =)

Have you met anyone famous?

Uh...

Last song listened to?

Listening now. Better than drugs, skillet

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I'll have to think after every letter. Unless I'm looking at a phone keypad.

Are you jealous of anyone?

Um. NO =D I've done away with it. 8)

Is anyone jealous of you?

I wouldn't know.

Do you love anyone?

OF COURSE. I love so many people. =)

Do any of your friends have children?

Nope.

What do you usually do during the day?

I don't know.. A lot of things?

Do you hate anyone that you know right now?

Ho hum ho hummmm

Do you use the word 'hello' daily?

Yes.

How did you get your worst scar?

Um. Idk.

* Do you think you can last for an

hour without talking?

Sure.

* When was the last time you saw the

first person on your featured friends?

I don't have featured friends. But the top in my heart, yeah I saw her today.

* What is one thing you hear a lot?

Music.

* Whats one thing that you want right

now?

Uh.

* Do you have a lot of regrets?

YES.

* Have you ever regretted letting

someone go?

Hmm.

* Is there anyone who doesn't like

you?

DUH.

* Do you miss someone?

Yeah.

* Next time you will kiss someone?

How the hell would I know.

* Are looks important?

Not really. But they are in this society we live in.

* What are you wearing?

That question was asked. It's a pervertic question by the way. Scroll up.

* Do you like getting things from

others?

Depends who.

* What is your current mood?

:| stone-ish

* Were you smiling when you woke up

this morning?

Do I ever.

* Which is more romantic: sunrise or

sunset?

Set.

* Would you die for someone?

Depends who.

* Last song you heard?

Super sick title, by Eminem

* Do you like anyone right now?

Hmm

* If someone did like you, how should

they let you Know?

Just say. Hahah I'm a very open minded person LOL. omg.

* How was your day?

laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

* Do you live near any of your friends?

Dianah the nearest. Audrey is nearer but she's my English and Art classmate, we're not friends. haha.

* What color is your hair?

Black.

* Do you believe in love?

Question asked. Scroll up.

* Are you in luv?

What a question. =)

* When do you want to get married?

=) .. .. .. ..

* Do you curse a lot?

Curse as in WORDS like eff and shit and etc... Yes. Not A LOT.

* What are your favorite books?

BIO! Not biology. -_- Biographies and autobiographies.

* Do you wish you were with someone right now?

That's an interesting question.

* Who were the last three people that

sent you a text message?

Felicia, The Rev, Kia Ying

* Are you happier single or in a

relationship?

I wouldn't know.

* Do you believe everyone deserves a

second chance?

Yeah suree

* Do you wish someone would call you?

HAHA WHAT A QUESTION.

* What is bugging you right now?

Hmm.

* What's something you wish you could

understand better?

Question asked. Scroll up.

* If someone doesn't like you, its

usually because...?

Cos they're smart people. I deserve to be hated.

46.Do you have a wild side?

HAHA. I guess?

The Honest & Emotion Survey

*Honest Section*

1. Honestly, what color is your Fav.

color?

Black.. Or Purple. What's there to lie about sia.

2. Honestly, whats on your mind?

A lot of things.

3. Honestly, what are you doing right

now?

This. And listening to STAN by Eminem.

4. Honestly, Do you think Johnny Depp

is attractive?

No. O.o I mean, he's not UNattractive. Just not what I would go ahhheee for.

5. Honestly who is ugly at your school?

HAHA. Me. I'm the worst of em all.

6. Honestly, have you done something

bad today?

Yesh.

7. Honestly, do you watch disney

channel?

Nah.

8. Honestly, who is the last person

you talked to on the phone?

Mother. OMG no it was Jake. LOL. I forget.

9. Honestly, are you jealous of

someone right now?

I've washed that feeling away.

10. Honestly, what makes you mad most

of the time?

Stupid things.

11. Honestly, Who is the last person

you IM'd ?

"I'm FIQ"

12. Honestly, have you had an eating

disorder?

HAHAHAHAHHAH
I'm just gonna laugh.

13. Honestly, do you want to see

someone this very moment?

Oui.

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark

secret?

Doesn't everyone...

15. Honestly, do you have a friend you

don't actually like?

HAHA DOESN'T EVERYONE.

17. Honestly, are you in denial?

Denial... Depends, what am I denying? hehe

18. Honestly, do you like someone?

I LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE. =) If not I'd just be really hardcore anti social.

20. Honestly, does anyone like you?

Idk.

DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY

*Anger Section*

1. What do you do when you're mad?

I DO EMO THINGS. hahahahahahahahahaahaahah or I curse and swear. O.o

2. What's the worst thing you've done

when you were mad?

This isn't the honest section. =# =)

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were

mad?

No. But when I was feeling other things I think I made a lot of people cry.

4. Do you swear when your mad?

Yeah.

*CRYING SECTION*

1. When was the last time you really

cried?

Uh....

2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?

Yes.

3. Do certain songs make you cry?

Yes.

4. What usually makes you cry?

The things people do/say or just theenking about certain things. Obviously everything will have something to do with people. Unless someTHING pisses me off so much I'm overwhelmed by it then I cry hahhah

*Happy Section*

1. Are you normally a happy person?

Sadly no.

2. What can make you happy?

Uh.

3. Do you think your sexy?

HAHA no.

4. Do you believe in yourself?

My self esteem is gone.

5. When people say they think you are

good looking/pretty, do you get happy?

Yeah. It's like assurance that I'm not nothing.

1.Would you date someone shorter then you?

Suree. If there's such a person. Muahah.

2. What's yur plans fer' today?

Some English you have. Today is officially Wednesday cos it's 12:24AM. So... Esplanade with Monica after school.

3. What would you do if your ex showed

up at your door?

LOL.

4. What are you watching?

Nothing.

5. What do you think of this person you

took this from?

HAHA I don't know her very well. So I won't say anythinig.

6. Where was your default picture

taken?

Hmm.

7. Who was your last text from?

Question asked. Scroll up.

8. What's the most interesting thing

that you did today?

COFFEE BEAN. Cos Lovely Tiffany was there <3 type="text/javascript"> var curDiv = document.getElementById('ln19'); curDiv.innerHTML = convert2url(curDiv.innerHTML); var links = curDiv.getElementsByTagName('a'); for(var i = links.length; i >= 0; --i) { if(links[i]) links[i].innerHTML = links[i].innerHTML.substr(0,30) + "..."; }

9. What's your favorite number?

10. Wad do u love de most?

Uh. I'm not thinking straight tonight. Give me uh... Idk.

11. What is your current mood?

I have no idea.

12. Last people you hung out with?

Chug and Fox. LOL. No I wasn't hanging.
Tiffany<3, type="text/javascript">var curDiv = document.getElementById('ln27'); curDiv.innerHTML = convert2url(curDiv.innerHTML); var links = curDiv.getElementsByTagName('a'); for(var i = links.length; i >= 0; --i) { if(links[i]) links[i].innerHTML = links[i].innerHTML.substr(0,30) + "..."; }

13. What sports do you enjoy playing?

None. I hate sports... Ice skating?

14. whose a non family member u trust the most?

I trust no one fully.

15. wats ur definition of life?

Worse than deaththenhell

16. What was the highlight of your

week?

Farewell.

17.Would you date someone who was a

bad kisser?

Why does that matter? Dating ain't a kissing fest.

18. Who would be the first 2 to noe if u became pregnant?

THE DOCTOR. LOL. Unless it's home test lol wtf. Me.

24. Whats the last thing someone said

to you?

"Things are happening. =)" Brother.

25. whose phone call do u alwayz expect?

No one calls me man. lol.

26. Do you like cuddling?

Uh.

27. Who/what do you hate/dislike

currently?

LIFE itself. Keel me please. =]

28. Anyone whose seen u at ur worst n still said ur looking good?

No one's seen my worst, I swear. I've been more um.. Down. And when that happened I was left to fend for myself. So I won't think about my worst.

29. Would you ever cheat on your

boyfriend/girlfriend?

No.

30. Would you ever date a friends ex?

Depends.
1) Why they broke up
2) If my friend is OK with it
3) If I like the ex back.

31. can u name 5 ppl in ur mind now?

You mean 'on' right...
Tiffany
Sharifah
Ambra
Felicia
Jayni
Woah tonight I talked to 2 people I rarely talk to online.

32. What is the last thing you thought

about?

A think about a lot of things it's all mixed up.

33. Anythin special abt ur birthday?

The day doom came to Earth. nah. Sharon Ong's birthday. =)

35. How do you feel about yourself rite now?

I am worthless. Not worth emotion.

36. Do you miss anyone?

Yeah.

37. What do you miss most about the

past?

Sigh...

38. wat do u wanna do so badly now?

I don't know.

Goodnight <3

I'm hanging by a thread|11:25 PM|