As I Say My Goodbyes

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

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I'm still waiting to get to the 666th post.

I'm suddenly listening to Eminem! Wth I know. It's OK! He rocks! Yeah.. Corruption.
But, he still RAAAHHHs. I think he retired? I have no idea what happened to him, suddenly gone. But well, I guess he was 'protested and demonstrated against' so much that he just had to leave the scene. So sad. He's talented.

Yeah...
So close to the flame. Burning brightly. It won't fade away. Leave us lonely. Mmhmm.
I've created a livejournal account. I LIKE BLOGS, CAN YOU BLAME ME?!
Go find me. Muahaha

I'm hanging by a thread|10:37 PM|

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OKOK. Today. Was also SUPER SLACKED. I swear.
But it was SUPER FUN. Hahaha

Tiffany told me to bull my way through SS. I DID. I AM SO GOOD AT BULLSH**ING IN EXAMS LIKE HISTORY AND SOCIAL STUDIES. But too bad, I take Geography, which means I gotta remember FACTS. -.- No bullsh**ing.

Heehee.
No, really. Section A was source based, and I really just wrote from the top of my head. =D yes. BULLSHIT. I said the whole word. LOL. Wth.
Rahh. But, tell me who can bullshit through POA?
The answer:

ME! =))
I did I did. Woohoo. Not the whole thing, of course. Who can? Nope, not me, at least.
Hmm. Section A, the second last part was where I BULLSHITTED most. Cos, I didn't even know what the hell it was. Hehe. Question six, THIRTY MARKS GONE DOWN THE DRAIN. Why? Not done. lalalalala.
I know, people are gonna hate me for this. Especially the people who care in that way that that that way. Ahem...
I think I did crap.

We finished around 12+. Met Jake and Shanthini unexpectedly. Supposed to meet Sharon. Yeah. Then we ALL walked towards the interchange but Sharon dragged me to her house. Haha.
Then went to EC to eat and then study.
Ate at this place called "eat 'em up". OK???
Haha. Nintendo DS. Is so fun and so addictive, I swear.
Um yeah. Then Sharon and Li Rong and Amanda went to the arcade to play the Drum game... Orelia and I stayed out cos we were in our uniforms.
Yeah... I ended up playing the DS... Until I left with Shanthini to meet Jake. Like, HELLO. I was supposed to study. Stupid DS. Nope. Not its fault. Ma faute, oui, oui.
Yeah so anyway. Jake was in outside clothes cos she went home. Then bought stuff. Then yes yes yes. Then saw Debbie. She went around with us. Haha
Yeah. We went to the macs at the interchange. Jayni was there hahaha.
OK, random info.
Anyway, Jake shanthini debbie and I were there luh. K then, Jake asked if I wanted a nugget. hehe. This is the funny part. That's when the fun shhhtartedd.
So Jake asked me if I wanted a nugget. I said, later cos it's hot. Debbie was like, hot nice what.
Then Jake was SO RANDOM OMG she was like do you put ice in your porridge when it's hot?
WTH?? hahahahahah!!!!! Super funny. ROFL.
Yes yes. Hahhaa. I DON'T. I was like, you said that cos you do right. She said yeah. HAHAHAHA. No luh, obviously JOKING. lol
Yezzz...
Then um Debbie listened to shanthini's phone and apparently it was damn loud. She was like
Are you deaf? And guess what shanthini said? "huh?"
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Jake and I were in a fit of laughter. OMGGGG. Hahhaah
Hahahahahaahahahahhaaahhahahaahhahahahaahhahahahaah
Then later on, Debbie 'realised' that OH I dont' put ice cos I put ICE CREAM. lol!!!!!!!!
yeah I was eating the McFlurry with the nugget.
HAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

Yezzz. Then we headed to Town Park. We stayed for quite a while. Took peektures. Debbie DID flood my camera memory just like she said she would. Lol.
Of what? Her peektures. yes, pictures of herself. Hahhahahaha
Dear dear.
Hahaha
She was teaching me things.
LOL.
Hehehehehe.
Then
I'M SORRY
I SPRAYED IT INTO YOUR MOUTH AND EYE. hahaha
Sorreh sorreh. lol
My aiming sucks. Next time spray yourself. HAHAHAHAHAH.
Eh omg the turtles at Town Park are SO CUTE.

Hahha
Yeah then on the way back.
We were talking about how BLUR shanthini is. Yeah. We were ripping on her about her 'huh'

SO
She initiated the bet(yez, SMART MOVE. lol)
2 BUCKS EACH TO JAKE AND ME IF SHE SAYS 'HUH' TO ANYTHING WE SAY.
We tried. Like, eh look who's that. and all that stuff.
THEN FINALLY I GOT HER
BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE AN INNOCENT ENOUGH QUESTION!!
"whatbusareyoutaking?"
Yeah, NO SPACES. On purpose. Guess what?
"huh?"
LOL
That's four bucks outta her wallet. Something so trivial but HECK.
lol
Too bad
After ahem. She just can't make up her mind wtf.
Anyway.
TOMORROW. =D
Going to Orchard with Jake. To ahem buy ahem something ahem. Heehee.

I gotta go bathe now. Haha. C YA LATER ALLIGATORSSSSSS
wtf I can't believe I just said that...

I'm hanging by a thread|7:23 PM|

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WOOHOO
Okay I'm putting pics first cos of AHEM.. JAKE
My hair sucksssss
hahha

I'm hanging by a thread|6:49 PM|

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

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Yez. I like lyrics. So here are some. Some mean something, some really truly DON'T. =)
Enjoy reading other people's compositions.

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

I could feel it from the start
Couldn't stand to be apart
Somethin' 'bout you caught my eye
Somethin' moved me deep inside

Never thought I'd be alright (no no no)
'Til you came and changed my life (yeah yeah yeah)
What was cloudy now is clear, yeah yeah
You're the light that I need here, yeah uh

Heal me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
for dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me
I cried and love said no

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Let down your defenses
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is this beautiful
accident turbulent succulent
I'm feeling permanent
No way I won't taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breath?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

A living nightmare, asleep but still aware.
The endless torture.
The painless pleasure.
I grasp myself.
Trying to regain control.
I experience and learn.
In another faction of my mind.
So confused.
But everything makes perfect sense.
Can't feel the pain.
Emotional pain's so much deadlier.
Lost, you've just been raped.
Pain. Your friends can't help you.
Why wont they help you? Another reality.
This can't be happening.
Why is this happening?
Who the fuck are you?
Who the fuck. Are you?
Trying hard to figure out what's done.
I scramble but now I run.
The images in my head.
All the problems that I've been fed.
Punching slowly my mind can't change the speed.
As my victims bleed.
No matter what I do or how hard I try.
I can't use my abilities.
Use my abilities.
Art of Illusion.
My razor sharp knife's edge, pierces my victim's body.
But I can't take their soul.
Punching through jello, stabbing not killing.
Disappointment. Discomfort.

Aiya. I'm too lazy. No motivation man. I gotta do ART. Meh...

I'm hanging by a thread|7:20 PM|

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Today was strangely... Slacked. English first period. THEY had practice oral. WE didn't. :D
Yeah.
Um, then GEOGRAPHY. I was trying not to fall asleep. =( So my notes were scribbles in the end.
And this lesson, she didn't call me out. =)
PE. The people who wanted to study went to the Com lab on level three and the people who had to do retests stayed downstairs with Ms Tiru. I was one of the people who went upstairs but HEY, who goes to the COMPUTER LAB to STUDY? I am aware that there ARE people but NOT ME. =D
We went up and almost everyone was using the computers except Cleris, I think...
Yeah. Useless shit man. LOL. I wanted to blog but Valerie told me, the last time we came in, that they can track and all. So I didn't blog in the end. =(
There's so much drama in my life right now! It's neither negative nor positive, really.
It's just... There.
Um, Maths... I was surprised Mr Lim let me sleep. I slept, yes. He was doing co-ordinate geometry or some shit like that... I just don't get graphs, kapiche?
RME!!!
Combined today. In the performing arts room. We watched Jesus Camp (or Jesus' camp?). It's some motivational movie. I slept in the last ten minutes of the movie. Then we did some reflection worksheet crap.
Chemistry. BORING. I just sat there and tried to pretend to listen. Because my mind has completely tuned out Chemistry. I just can't stand it so much that I can't care anymore.
After school, met Heather, Zena and Kinny (in order of appearance, lol) to take a cab to United Square for BEN & JERRY'S FREE CONE DAY!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D
=D
The four of us queued up once. Then Zena and Heather left. Then Kinny, Derick and Kinny's friend(I can't spell her name, sorreh) went to queue up for the second time, I joined them.
We got our second cones! After which we sat at a table outside to finish out ice cream cones.
Kinny and friend didn't want to go in for a third round, so Derick and I did. Yes! Stamina! Hhaha.
I ALMOST got cut off.. Phew. Luckily, the B & J person before the person who cut me off thought it was my first. LA LA LA LA. =))
But, as God would have it, I got the cone. Literally. The cone. The ice cream scoop dropped. ='(
So I queued three times but ate two scoops of ice cream and three ice cream cones. Hehe.
Home!

Now for the drama.

I wish I could really type everything here.
People are asking things that I really don't want to answer.
And why won't she just read it. It's her choice but if she doesn't want to read it then that's fine but at least be normal around me.
I'm quite amused at myself. That my issues and others' issues aren't pushing me down. That I'm not collapsing under the pressure and all that. Plus school!
Yes, I am AMUSED. I am using that word intentionally.
I really can't describe what emotions are going through me.
What you say and what she says. What she says she doesn't do and what you say she does. And of course I'll have to believe someone more than the other. And some time, everything is gonna blow and you'll all regret. Why am I the one in this position when there are four more to go to? I'm not complaining, and I'm no saying I don't want it. I feel somewhat good or needed but sides are what I'm expected to choose and I'm going down if I don't.
Wheeheehee. nevermind. Don't worry, be happy. I'm talking to myself... I DO need help. ahhhaha

I'm hanging by a thread|6:49 PM|

Monday, April 28, 2008

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I can't think of words to describe this...
Byzantine. Bizarre. It's entirely preposterous.
Joy, disappointment, despair, longing, laughter, pity, emptiness, anger, love.
So many things have been happening lately. Things are happening all around me. I seem to be in the middle of it all, yet the eye. Pretending just prolongs agony.
I'm going to repeat what I may have said in the past...

Now I really feel like a real bitch. I'm a child. I'm a sinner. I'm going to go to hell. Just wish she knew, my heart breaks with hers.

I shed no tears. My soul weeps within. So no one can see. The suffering. The world is a stage and we each must play a part. Is your heart filled with pain? I made ashes for myself. I've carved my own little tombstone.

I'm hanging by a thread|10:41 PM|

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I like sms-ing and typing better. Because when I speak, my thoughts come out in fragments, because I can't expect the human to stand/sit there stoning while I gather my littler broken fragments of thought together to make a proper sentence that makes any sense at all...
Even just a smidgen might change things for the worse.

Right now... It's just...
Write it, try to be as nice as possible and as not hurtful as possible or just ignore the thing and let it be. I have to choose the latter don't I? Yes. It's not unwilling. I'd rather. And... Hmm...
My whits of thought are floating around and not making any sense at all and I don't know.
Tittles coming together to make yet another world of confusion.

Don't try to save me.
Only some can. Or should I say one?
That's up to you the public to scrutinize. It shouldn't bother anymore. It SHOULDN'T. I can't help but let it.

And it all boils down to one thing. Doesn't everything? Marks the beginning, or the end. Who knows...
Suddenly so inarticulate, so robbed of words to say what I need to say. Dispossessed of ways to say it gently. To put it down nicely. I care and I don't want it harsh. Which includes it not being straightforward.
Now, how do I go about this sporadic and intricate orientation?

I'm hanging by a thread|10:16 PM|

______________________________

;Heather
;Sharifah
;Felicia
;Jake
;Kinny
;Victoria
;Clare
;Jennifer
;Audrey

*In no particular order.

I'm hanging by a thread|9:14 PM|

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I think I'm the only one who is going to blog about it. Ah well, there we go. *jumps off something of great height*

I'm gonna start from the beginning.
They came and we were doing don't know what outside the class. I needed to know!
Then, morning assembly, was interesting. Hehe. Shh.

HHF. Today, I didn't even walk. I sat out totally. Listening to Sharon and Li Rong's conversation. I could actually understand despite the frequent mandarin from Li Rong.
I wasn't eavesdropping! I was practically allowed to listen. Haha.
Then Art was WOAH...
I love fashion magazines. And I know that makes me sound like a bimbo but I AM NOT. I just love how they models look so good. The make up and everything just oh so perfect.
I gotta print out my research and everything TODAY. And I MUST hand up my Wire Sculpture by Wednesday WHICH, by the way, I will fail.
Because it looks like a piece of shit.

PoA. I'm so sorry that Mr Ang is leaving but I'm happy that he's going to Japan. But, he's actually really nice but we take advantage of his kindness. Sadly, I have to admit that I have a part to play in that. I read a book today in his class.
Then I realized it was his last lesson but I learned that too late. So, now I'm actually sincerely sad... =(
We don't like Irene Ang or whoever whoever...
Uhh...
Recess, was spent aimlessly. -.-
I bought the 50 cent cheese toast.
WHY am I blogging in such detail? Stupid me as always...
K, anyway... ENGLISH.
Ugh...
We stayed in class and Ms Wong just sat herself at the back of the classroom and left us to do our own work...
I read the book.
And my unfinished Beehoon was still under the table. =(
Then between the end of English and the start of Chinese, I finished it. It was so cold...
Well well, thirty minutes, what do I expect?
Chinese was AWESOME. :D
Because, a relief teacher came in today. So I read the book for a short while. And I felt sleepy. So I decided to sleep. We were allowed to listen to music so the entire time, I was harking to Avenged. Which I deem relatively Hardcore. I blasted it... Hehe.
So FUN. Sleeping. Deep sleep man, really.
I was fully awake during our next lesson: Math
But I was kind of reading the book. Not defiantly, really... It didn't feel like there was a lesson going on at all so I got bored and flipped open the tome.
Yes... Last period was SOCIAL STUDIES. I HATE it... I'm serious. Absolutely serious.
And Valerie totally threw a fit. I don't blame her. Mrs Fam can't teach for nuts.
Seriously.
And she failed three quarters of the class for the class exercise to her own SICK PLEASURE.
I really couldn't be bothered anymore. Why did they have to make SS compulsory in the first place!
I was going to express strong political views but the I realized: I REALLY DON'T CARE.

Yes, so, after school. Brought her to the park thing. Then she came. She did what she was supposed to do. I don't know why I didn't see that other thing coming. Then things really escalated to the max. And things were just complex and confusing. Then things that shouldn't have been revealed, were revealed. And I don't think I can take it. No, it's not what you think it is that is bothering me, it really isn't. It's got almost nothing to do with her. It's the conflict between these two. And I have a strong feeling this is all just a little game of jealousy. And the way they convey these emotion is just hard for me to help in any way. Yet, I seem to be the root of the problem. I should've nipped it in the bud but now it's too late and it's all going down. I don't want her to fail because of what I do not feel. I don't want herrr to fail because of what she feels and I don't want to fail because of what everyone else is feeling. oh Lord save me. =(

I'm hanging by a thread|8:41 PM|

Sunday, April 27, 2008

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I know, I know.

HEATHER
It's an animal.
It could be anything.
I REALLY DOUBT I CAN FIND ANYTHING TO DO WITH A JAMAICAN FRUIT BAT. Though I do think bats are cute...
Rats, however...
Cute yes cute. =)
But
I don't think rat's gonna cut it...
How about...
NO
Too much information. =)
Giant pandas and Polar bears? ULTRA CUTE OMG. Hhahaha. That'll do. =)
That's really goooood!
Heather Dahling, don't be shocked. Don't comment or anything. =)
Just, stand there, hug me and APPRECIATE it, OK love?
I'm speaking like some English person from England, love and dahling. LOL.
<3
NO she's not my girlfriend. Wipe that thought off.

I'm hanging by a thread|11:30 PM|

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OMG so many cliche things coming out of YOUR MOUTH.

At least things are kind of working out for ya'll..
For me, I might as well just throw it away. I might as well give it up. Because nothing will ever happen.

And this little piece of information about who l***s me, TELL ME WHO! OMG!
You know who you are, you are the person who told me someone l***s me and NOW I NEED to know!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU AREEEE TELL ME!!!!! I just gotta gotta know. And if you tell me, I'll tell you WHO!! Heehee.
TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!!
Rarh.
You you you
Gave me this little bit of hope that it could be who I want it to be. And then you won't tell me. Don't play games man!! I really want to know. You got what you want except what you want me to tell you so just tell me and you'll know if it's just your own curiosity... Hmm...

TELL ME
I NEED TO KNOW
I WANT TO KNOW
IN CASE
IT IS WHO
I WANT IT TO BE
WHO
I HOPE IT TO BE
WHO
I WISH IT TO BE
IT COULD
OR COULD NOT BE
SO NOW I'M HOPING
TELL ME SOON
VERY SOON
LIKE
NOW
OR TOMORROW
IN CASE
I'M WRONG
AND IT'S
NOT WHO
I WANT IT TO BE
THEN MY HOPE
WOULDN'T BE SO...
HIGH?
SO THAT
HOPE IS LOST
BEFORE
IT IS BUILT UP.

TELL ME. Tell me. tell me.

I'm hanging by a thread|10:55 PM|

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I've got cool stuff in my phone now. =)

RAHHHHH

She just hung up on me!
RAHH...

Anyway...
Today I was feeling so super deep when I was out. And then I come home and I have this stuff... It's OK. I'd rather know about it. And I ESPECIALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT AHEM SOMETHING AHEM SOMEONE AHEM...

I'm hanging by a thread|9:22 PM|

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I feel like typing again.
So that previous post, ignore it.
I gotta leave in half an hour.
Wow.

There's a little something in everybody, don't you think?
I love CLAY AIKEN. <333
Like, as an idol. LOL.

But, no... I don't wanna be like him in that... Yeah, that way but I do love him still. Favourite.

I see the picture clear now
The fog has lifted
Yeah, you're gifted
I'm better now despite you baby
I survived the crash
Survived the burn
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned
Survived the lies
Survived the blues
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed
I survived you
Haunted by a heart full of you
Couldn't help mistaking
That you could ever care for anyone
Anyone but yourself
This heart has been torn in two
Cut and bruised
With too many bitter endings
Yeah I know you're scared
Walking down the road that leads to who-knows-where
When you're courage starts to disappear
I will be right here
You should know now that you're not alone
I'm letting you go now
You turned out the light
I used to have the longing to know what was in your heart
But now it seems I'm over the fear of this falling apart
I'm gonna be alright when I... Turn the radio on
As soon as you get that feeling
You can start to live again
As soon as the worst is over
You can make it all make sense
Now I can give you what you need
As soon as you get that feeling
Run to me
Trust, I'm not gonna hate you for it
Feels like my touch only brings back the pain
Someday these memories will fade away
Can't you see it's hard enough to walk away

Shut up shut up shut up...
Bimbo Bitch Emo. Make up your minds people.

I'm hanging by a thread|2:11 PM|

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I like you better when you're happy. But even when you're in a mood, and you lash out at me. I STILL LOVE YOU. <3 Of course. Or else the term **** ******* will be... Whatever

Well well, hello.
I'll have to leave soon. Leave for blah blah

Hmmm...

I have no mood anymore. Rah.
Goodbye goodnight. *~*

I'm hanging by a thread|1:48 PM|

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We're walking on rocks again
We're singing the same song. As we always do
Again and again, I've been hurt
My friend
Till the end. I know I've been high. I've been low. I have no place else to go
When you say what you say. Do you mean it. Is what you say ever true
Do you really mean it when you say things like that
That make me feel someone's got my back
And then you go into a mood. And you throw it all away
When will this ever end. Are you really sincere. Or is this just something that you do. You suspect and you judge and label
And you really don't seem to care
If I'm at the edge of the top of a building
Or safe on the ground down below
You only seem to care about the problems that you are having
When I try to understand. You make it difficult for me. And when you need to understand. You couldn't be bothered
But who am I to say. Because I don't know what you think. I don't know what you feel
Now that we're walking on rocks again
It's going to last for quite some time. But when the road is smooth as ever. I wish it could last forever
But it doesn't, it never does. It's short lived and stale
Why must our friendship fail. Fail us both. I am not here to judge. Whether you care or not
I really wouldn't have a clue. But I think you should work on it too
Don't make me sit here. And make me look like a fool. The only one trying
It's OK, though
"when the darkness starts to flood your eyes
I will carry you" That's the beauty of this. Please know you still have me. And try to understand
It hurts when you do these things. So unclear and untold
Doesn't make things any better. Makes things sharper
Now we're walking on rocks again
Don't try to manipulate what I do. Shouldn't I be free to mingle as I please?
You're starting to be. A little possessive. The way I was. Once upon a time
Now I know what it's like
To be on the receiving end. Please don't become like that
We'll be lost in this endless fight
This struggle to take back. Whatever that was lost
Have you really thought of
Everything we have gone through
And all the thing's we've said
Though it hasn't been long
Hearing this is just...
Endless dark
Rekindle this friendship. So it's bright and true. Happy and real. This is all I have to say. For now...

Shut up...

I'm hanging by a thread|12:28 PM|

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I'm bored. So this is what I'm going to do: Something extremely spastic because I'm hurt and I have nothing to do.

I hate the world today

You're so good to me

I know but I can't change

(Yes, I know, Kate.)
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel
underneath

(Yes, I know, I've used this before)
innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried

You must have been relieved to see the softer side

I can understand how you'd be so confused

(Yes, I know, I've used this before too)
I don't envy you

I'm a little bit of everything

all rolled into one

I'm a bitch,

(I couldn't find a bitch face, unless I use mine, which will never happen)
I'm a lover

I'm a child,

I'm a mother

I'm a sinner,

(This is where the credits come in?)
I'm a saint

(Michael Angelo. Awesome. <3)

I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger...
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
(If you let me be)
I've been numbed, I'm revived
can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Doesn't Trolley wood remind me of someone?
Sigh.
-`-`-`-`-`-`--`-`--`-`-`-`--`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`--`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`<3

Sorry, I got tired. Because, it's 3:08 Am and I'm sleepy. Good night, for real, People. Whoever is reading this...?
The pictures. There are credits. That I am too lazy to mention right now. *yawn*
GOOD NIGHT.. Again...

I'm hanging by a thread|1:50 AM|

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My grandmother just made me pissed off and HURT like hell.
:'(
Like, really really.
And when I came back here, to the computer, I wanted to talk to Heather and all then she went off... Without saying Bye, it's OK... I'll just be this way till I talk to her again. hmm.
Maybe she went to the 24 hour doctor like I said. Lol...
=(
Nope. No lol.. I'm still hurt.

I HATE THE WORLD today
You're so good to me
I know but I CAN'T change
Tried to tell you but you look at me like MAYBE I'm an angel UNDERNEATH
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I CAN UNDERSTAND how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into ONE

I'm a BITCH
I'm a lover
I'm a CHILD
I'm a mother
I'm a SINNER
I'm saint
I DO not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm NOTHING in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I AM
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger...
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to EXTREMES
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

I'm a BITCH
I'm a lover
I'm a CHILD
I'm a mother
I'm a SINNER
I'm saint
I DO not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you THINK you've got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
And don't TRY to save me

I'm a BITCH
I'm a lover
I'm a CHILD
I'm a mother
I'm a SINNER
I'm saint
I DO not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You KNOW you wouldn't want it any other way

I'm a BITCH
I'm a tease
I'm a goddess ON MY KNEES
When you hurt
When you suffer
I'm your angel UNDERCOVER
I've been numbed, I'm revived
Can't say I'm NOT ALIVE
You know I wouldn't want it any other way.

Still hurt ='(
I'm going to ask more people if I'm bitchy. So far, there are two people who said I am, in a way, and I can be, sometimes.
I'm a bitch, I'm a child, I'm a sinner, I do feel ashamed.

I'm hanging by a thread|1:31 AM|

______________________________

I feel so rejuvenated. Haha
I wanted to take pictures today, I didn't.
So this afternoon at about 1:30, My mother and I went down to Orchard, Plaza Singapura. To collect insole shit. Then we went around looking for Jeans for ME. =) Couldn't find any, so we went to Secret Recipe to eat. She had Tom Yam noodles or something and I had Chicken Cordon Bleau. It was... OK, I guess.
I wanted cake but she didn't allow...
By the time we were halfway through our meal, we realized that even if we left at that moment, I wouldn't make it in time for Catechism. So, we were debating, should I go or not?
The final verdict: No.
A lot of things to do anyway, I felt so bad leaving Michelle and Meghan there haha.
Um, after eating... I forgot what we went to do then sometime after that, we went to Carrefour to buy food...
Stupid. Forever buying. Like she doesn't give a damn how f** she looks already, still wanna eat some more. -.- So pissed off when she wanted to buy ice-cream and shit like that.
I mean, it may seem like I'm some bitch child but I'm like that cos I don't want her any fatter than she already is. And I know that sounded super mean.
So, she went to find her coffee, her alcohol. Then she went to see ice-cream. I kept saying no don't buy and she kept insisting on buying it, LIKE A CHILD. In a child's tone. I felt like we exchanged places or something.
After blah blah, I said, " Do you WANT to gain weight and get fat?!"
She said, "YES"
I replied, quite rudely I have to admit, "That's shit."
And she laughed. -.-
In the end, didn't buy ice-cream and THANK GOD she didn't buy chocolate. Wee hee

Then I got sent to BUGIS!
To meet Kinny. Then we were bored like walking around aimlessly until we see something that catches our eye. Haha.
I was craving coke all of a sudden so the first thing we did after I met her was go to Macs and buy ONE DOLLAR COKE WITH NO ICE. Kinny's idea. See what I mean when I say seniors teach me more than just percussion. Yeah, so then blah blah. Then we went down to the MRT to wait for HOLAS teeheehee.
I find the short form funny... Anyway, we waited like, a half hour more than expected. -.-
Bored crazy.
Small talk.

Then blah blah blah.
Went to the GIG place...
SO SAD LUH, on such short notice, Felicia couldn't make eet.
She had to do work in CQ.
Haha I think it's a gig too but different.

So at the gig Kinny and I were at, EWAN WAS THERE OMG OMG OMG OMG.
Yes, I saw him and I thought "could it be? Nah..."
But it was!
Hahah
Apparently Bro ex gf was there too. wow. Hhahaha
Didn't say hi or anything cos I only saw Ewan when he was walking out and I didn't see Sarah.
It was damn hardcore...
And brother's friend's band was playing there and he was asked to go but he was too tired. Now he's around the house ranting "TODAY was the day to go luhh!"
Hahahaha
Too bad. LOL. So mean omg...
Anyway, yeah. Slathe was quite good luh. Few people, but quite good.
They played Beast and the Harlot and Kinny let Licia listen on the phone. hahah.

It was super fun even though I was just THERE. hahaa
There, soaking in my surroundings, watching moshers.
The MOSHERS. wow. It was like they were fighting with air and jumping around. but that's cool. Imagine if there was a whole mosh pit full of people LIKE THAT crammed together... O.O
I wonder how many people would end up bloody. Hehehe.

Two A7x songs were played, Unholy Confessions and Beast and the Harlot. =D
Yeah, so that was my day. Haha.

-*-*-*-*-*`~`~`~`~`~`~
Forming. Forming all round me. =)
Relationships are forming all around me. People patching up, people getting together and things like that... I like you, oh I like you too. yay now we're together. Oh hey I wanna be together again, Oh OK.
It's everywhere. Happening all around this period. So many trends. People getting injured, ending up in casts, people getting together and breaking up and getting together, things like that...
All the people around me. Except me myself. Ah well. Too bad for me. One, I can't get. rahh.
It's worked out so well for the four, and in a different way, worked well for the two. I know it'll never work well for me but that's just it. IT'S OK. I'm still alive. =)

Should I go now? Yeah maybe I should go now. Good Night to all who are reading, whoever you are... You just wasted a few minutes or a minute of your life reading this crap.

I'm hanging by a thread|12:16 AM|

Friday, April 25, 2008

______________________________

Come back again it's almost easy!
It's ringing in my head.

This morning, I was supposed to take my jacket back from Jayni so that I wouldn't freeze my ass off in the hall. I didn't go to her class to find her so I suffered through Paper 1. Haha.
I went around asking people and smsing people, Am I bitchy?

AM I BITCHY?

C'mon honestly!
OK... Anyway, Chinese...
Wow. This was a good time to catch up... ON SLEEP. =/
I finished Paper one in half an hour and I had to doodle around until I had about 45 minutes left because I was afraid my teacher would come up to me and wake me up and scold me or something... And my Composition and Letter didn't fill up half the page. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO. It's bad enough I filled half the page with TRASH that is most probably not related to the question at all.

And I wrote the total opposite of what the question asked for the letter writing. I only found that out after the exam. :'(
Right, so Paper1, I was freezing but asleep.

During our "recess", a few of us gathered upstairs on R rooftop but they had their little boxes of noodles for food. I didn't even know we could order from Stephany and it's like, WAITRESS much, no offense. But yeah. So I didn't get any BUT TIFFANY was so super NICE I tell you, she shared! <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigdEjDPGB2yyB3AjUTxuKH4hoi3KjZAg8rmobdBOvxob_iWYF4bDEfFGiS0Cg7euP9Q62CT9sZg9MVnsVtnP12MI3uc8XG0EB4NkezJ7O4yk2ZHA72xziBMUhtm4tRiKGttaqh/s1600-h/cupcake_royale.jpg">

haha So while some were still up there, I went down, I was actually bored and wandering aimlessly but then I saw Simone. Haha. We talked for roughly 20 minutes? Till we had to file back into the hall. We then started on PAPER TWO. It was all multiple choice except the comprehension. =) I finished the multiple choice questions in less than 5 minutes because I was feeling like trying to pass Chinese was pointless. So anyway, after that, I decided to take my time to slowly write out the copied-and-pasted answers. Slowly and easy DOES NOT do it. My handwriting was still atrocious.

I am going to start paragraphing more because then it's easier to read... But I don't know if people read this anyway. Hah...

Yeah, so I finished the entire thing in exactly half an hour and decided to SLEEEEEEEP. Zzzzzzzz.
I wasn't freezing that badly because Tiffany came to the rescue. She and her JACKET!!!
Hehehe. Yeah so I had a nice sound sleep. I DIDN'T care whether the teachers got bothered. Obviously they weren't because I was left undisturbed until the paper was almost over. THANK GOD he gave me instincts. I always wake up just before the paper ends. hehe.
FAILED, of course. lalala.
I wouldn't know, but I am 100% sure that I WILL fail. =) =(
"It's just a matter of time before we all run out"
=D
I like Paramore more now.

OK, after school, Shanthini, Jake, Simone, Shari, Sarah and I left school together. Then we split, Shanthini, Jake and I went one way, the rest went the other way. After that we met Alyssa and tsi yinn somewhere along, went to KFC. Then Shari came along with Sarah and Simone.
Then we all left. Thomson!
We went to some prata house. And we chatted. LOL. I had a Milo Dino!! =) And took peektures.
These are some of the peektures taken in the coffee shop. =)
Sarah and the sexy green sugar cap. Haha

She took off her specs specially for the photo. Woot. Lol... Hahah.

They look good don't they? I zoomed from far away and it turned out so well. Hahaha. But none of us ordered it. =D So fatty, greasy, unhealthy, oily and what not. But so good. <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXmqHN8XNFCU-DanYh5nXCjUzSe7Y750pnaQxGhoJYqp3xF9WLsMQ1U1ruTBX6tXgbftNUglSV5qDGdVT-BwkWg5Eg4WNdgJ62XvmGMJ0lUCdATbVgu2CSaxjD5J2qypCmSs_Y/s1600-h/DSCN4911.JPG">

Shanthini's PSP, Shanthini's game, Sarah's fun. I wonder what Simone's doing. haha.
This was after eating, I reckon, since the plate is like done... And the Milo is half gone. Hehe.

Jake's "watching me" O.O So creepy. LOL. Like Count Olaf from A Series Of Unfortunate Events, it was on her ankle. Hahahahah

Hmm. <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUySSO7dS6oMsmLT5TgrNm5SE9cqZFzRzKq76QdaBpCx9v2Jc30XNHgqBicwr-90qeksKKRWEp16EdIjWWXFEteF8MSWZyZ3w3tavnyucZKIrCQZ1Zv8Wdce15Qv6Td6aDxWM2/s1600-h/DSCN4913.JPG">

Woah so vulgar. teehee =)

It was fun, our time at Subway in Thomson Plaza. I bought 3 cookies, the of-course-best-as-usual double chocolate chip, the newly-discovered-delicious-by-Kinny peanut butter cookie, and the looks-nice rainbow candy cookie. =D

Typically, I had the candy one all to my self. LOL. "I think we have an emergency!"
Sorry. There I go again. haha
Um, yeah. So I was just happily eating and taking peektures. Of course there was talking.
Then, blah blah.

LOL LOL LOL ROFL LMAO ^

Didn't wanna leave so early so we wandered around to this playground behind somewhere. More or less deserted, except for this one kid and adult. And occasional passers-by.
PEEKTURES. =))

Yes, we did something WRONG... But, who cares, YAH LUH someone out there somewhere cares. If I had to point fingers, I'd tell you who started it but I won't. Because the three of us did that so we're all guilty as charged! LOL. =D
I don't care! :D

Just scroll down, then you'll see the crime committed.
THE CATERPILLAR IS SO POISONOUS, SO CUTE.

I couldn't help but take millions of pictures and I was so glad that the micro close up thing on my camera FINALLY worked properly for once. <3

Yeah. Here are... 2 shots of Simone playing on the swing. Hahahhhahaahaha.

And, there are more pictures on Jake's little confession on the sand but I don't know if I should put it up here so I won't but I'll ask cos it's nice and I'd like it here. =)) So I must remember to ask!!
Yeah...

Shanthini and Shari were just practically stoning on the bench! HAHA. Slackers luh. Then we left for the bus stop. Jake and Shari had their bus come first!!
Then Shanthini, Simone and I walked to the other bus stop to take 163 back to Toa Payoh interchange. On the bus, Simone and I listened to music. Woah, her Bitch song. Literally, it's called I'm A Bitch. Hahah.
I'm bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. It goes someting like that. I think I missed out something. Oh well. Then we went on our own ways to get back home. =)
Good day today... =D

I super pampered my hair today ALL BY MYSELF. My mother wasn't even home. =) So I spent about an hour inside. hahaha.
And my hair dried and now it's centre parted with my fringe like that.So, if I were to push it to the side, it'd look nice. I'll leave the way it is now, until AFTER catechism tomorrow! Weehee. Then I can go with Kinny and Licia with unusually not-terrible hair. =)

But I don't know what to wear haha. I'll just anyhow wear some random top and jeans but but but. AH SHIT. I am in desperate need of skinnies, SERIOUSLY. I have 3 pairs of jeans/skinnies. One, blue Levi's which I can't fit into anymore (FAT I bet), the Black ones are in the wash and the skinnies are BRIGHT RED. I'm soooo not wearing that, especially in the fat condition my legs are in right now.
Well well well, I really don't know what to wear tomorrow. I am guessing I don't have much of a choice, do I? Hahah.

Oh, diverted subject. whoops.
Yeah, so my hair's pretty OK except I'm almost very sure that if Jayni were to see it, she'd call it cockroach feelers again. Like when I got the cut last last time. Meh. haha.

She's not gonna read this but Good luck to Jayni for the drumming and human relation tomorrow. Heheheh.
And thanks to Heather about the cut, part, looks nice thing.
Hey Simone, I know you're reading this. Hahahahahaahahah. Hello. Yes I know what you're gonna say...

ahahaah
OK
I've been feeling sleepy for the last two hours OMG. But nooo, I'm still awake. Why? I don't know. Good night all. <3

P.S what do I feel like doing now: P
eople in today:
Jake
Simone
Shanthini
Shari
Sarah
Tiffany
Cleris
Valerie
Charlotte
Stephany
Valerie (the other Val)
Hui Jie
Kinny
Felicia
Jayni
Veronica
Heather
Zena
Melina
Monica
Alyssa
Tsi Yinn
(please ignore the underlining because I clicked something by accident and can't undo it.)
Kia Ying
AIYA. I can't remember. I'm too sleepy. `o`
Goodnight, ferreal, fer sure. Night.
<333

I'm hanging by a thread|10:08 PM|