As I Say My Goodbyes

Friday, August 31, 2007

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TEACHERS' DAY TODAY!
there were performances and we ended early today!
teachers from different departments dressed up
english department...
maths department...
PE department...
etc
all dressed as different types of people
i think the whole theme of the celebration is "if i were a star"
hahaha

Ms teo dressed up as a 'rock star!!'
hahaha
she looked so adorable
but she was HAPPY
it was awesome to see her so happy and enthusiastic!
she was laughing and smiling and for the thingy they each had to do, she shook her bosom
AHAHAHA
so fun to see her really happy
and we were all screaming at like.. the top of out lungs! =D
it was so fun

hmmm
and the when i gave ms teo her beautiful yellow rose*ahem ahem* she was so happy looking and not scary at all!!!
and she hugged me
ahaha
and everyone was giving her stuff and she was happy
i keep repeating that

except shanthini :/
so annoying
"i don't even wanna see her face!"

but but but!! we watched hairspray after school.
school ended at 11 so we caught the 1250 screening
it was a great movie
i felt so good
like i was socialising even though it's with the person i always hang out with
BUT STILL
i'm out of the house without family members and i think that counts as something!
then when i came home, like 20 minutes later, patricia asked me to go down to meet her and cheng mun

so i did and it was fun in a certain way
especially when it's the last time i get to see cheng mun
not for patricia because she'll still be allowed to come to my new house when i'm in tampines
but cheng mun wouldn't be allowed
since her mother hates me for things of the past...

yes yes so i am HAPPY TODAY
only erly in the morning i felt like crap
the moment i was in the bus it all changed and stayed that way until now

dammit and that just changed
if 'she' wants me to freaking do things ASAP and i'm not even bloody involved in it, WHY DOESN'T SHE FREAKING JUST BLOODY LEARN IT HERSELF AND DO IT HERSELF???

bloody lazy la
yesterday she called susy out of the kitchen to switch on the tv for her
SHE WAS AT THE COMPUTER 3 METRES FROM THE BLOODY THING
'i'm too lazy to get up'
i mean, if you're up and passing then ok la but to actually call her out of the kitchen with the intention of asking her to switch it on is so annoying
and now i'm getting pissed

breathe innnn
breathe outtt

ok betterrrr...

and the 300 is because this is my 300th post! har har har
retarded i knowwww

expanse of water???
who knew
!!!DUDE!!!

she is still wondering why he's not asking
it is almost wrong for a girl to ask isn't it?
she wants to
but it's weird for her
and she thinks he's too immature to ask that's why nothing is happening
she is in a dilemma
sadly
pray for her
hahaha

I'm hanging by a thread|5:20 PM|

Thursday, August 30, 2007

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hah
that is a quote from Flowers For Algernon
very meaningful
ahh the beauty in literature

*sigh* what is WRONG with society??!!
increasing number of girls are smoking and more guys are puking their guts out on hardcore alcohol!
ugh
like vodka and whisky
bloody idiots all of them
that is my opinion
so no offence to ppl who do that but SERIOUSLY

do they WANT to die of liver problems and get hepatitis

so sickening
i just lie on the ground hoping the earth would just eat me.

and i so willingly want to go out with *ahem* during the sept holidays but i dunno if *ahem* wants

i miss *ahem*
confused feeling for the special person. =D

I'm hanging by a thread|8:37 PM|

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MATHS AND ENGLISH TODAY
maths!!!
i am going to die

almost nobody finished the paper!
of the people i've asked, only meghan finished the paper
even sharifah didn't finish!
well then, since i left two whole pages undone and my last graph was a piece of crap, i'd say i'm finished

hmmm. english was actually relatively easy! =)
about the history of chocolate! yum
finally, something i can relate to
i always knew a little about it
like how chocolate's original, pure form was bitter and made of cocoa from cocoa trees grown in mexico =D

i sound like some nerd
well, it's chocolate
i can't help it

in the passage, it said that the french are the most crazy about chocolate!
choc museums, fairs, magazines, clubs and everything!
wow

i'm surprised i remember all that
well i am interested in the topic so i remember it
do things work that way?
i don't know........

hmm
and during rme(which was turned into oral communication by mr/mrs roch) i felt so off

i was so unhappy for reason
so laaaaaaaame
and plus, i wawnted to throw a tantrum
i felt like just jumping around and whining and well... throwing a tantrum...
but of course i didn't
but the energy was building in me and i was gonna explode for no reason whatsoever and i still don't know why

long term i guess...........

well then....
shanthini's batterys don't work!!
they run out of whatever batterys use after like..... 15mins! and not even continuous use! grr
i already used 3 starting from recess and the next time i listen to it will be the fourth battery

well.....

OH YES AND I AM GOING TO TAKE LITERATURE OUTSIDE SCHOOL AS AN OUTSIDE SUBJECT!!!!!!!!
and hopefully i excel and get to do it for o's instead of history... i think it's possible.. is it allowed?
i'm not sure

well, i am fully aware that literature is a difficult subject but i am willing to try because I LOVE IT! ~~

yay! i even started on a book to brush up! it is written by jane austen

it's such an unusual way to spell her last name
usually it's austin?
but maybe cos....... kae nevermind. i am happy.
EXAMS ARE OVER
i feel nothing despite that
tomorrow is teachers' day
i still feel nothing
like nothing has changed
*sigh*

literature will rule humanities one day!

I'm hanging by a thread|3:14 PM|

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

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yay! =)
my day started out good
from the time i got out of bed!
so rare! =D

hehe

the bus ride to school was sorta great heheeeee =)
patricia were in the lift at the same trip down
we were both late for the bus
but luckily the uncle hadn't left yet! =Q
he was waiting where he usually waits for late people

so got on and blah blah
nice chats =)
then cheng mun said 'you know we don't talk much when you're not here'
eek
i felt sooo gooood
i know it seems bad because it means i'm happy that they didn't talk when i wasn't around
heh =)

but but but. they were so nice. they said i was 'talkable'
like when i'm around, they talk more ^^
so happy
hehehe
cos those two mean a lot to me
even if they are 2 years younger
love 'em =D

except cheng mun is a little self-centred
i mean, she looks down a bit on ppl who aren't good at academics
luckily not fer meee
because i'm older
HAHAHAHAHAHHHHH

patricia is totally safe
as in.. she never says offending things to me
but she tends to go little overboard with the teasing of cheng mun
normally it wouldn't be overboard
but cheng mun has a short temper so she'll explode easily
hmmmm sad sad
and when i was like'i have science and geography exam today'
she said 'so'

who does that??
i even let them talk throughout almost the whole trip about their psle and cheng mun's MRS REDWAN
and i mention one thing that is important to me and she could only be bothered with herself
well, i didn't let that bother me and anw, after that she wished me good luck and so did patricia
yeah
so it was good altogether
=))

hmm.... school actually started out well
ummm... it kinda diminished around 4th period
sad sad
but it went all down hill during recess

good thing i can't remember why

hahaha
so i only remember the good things
until chinese
DIE DIE DIE
i want chinese to cease to exist
FOREVER
sob sob
it just ruins everything
sob sob wail wail sniff

i got how much for chinese?
i won't say
but it's the lowest i've ever had in my life and in sec2 of all times
IT'S EFFING STREAMING YEAR
and i have to fail so badly
but apparently i cannot use the excuse that everyone did badly too
because it was made clear to me a few months ago that if everyone does badly, it just means i am like everyone else wheni should stand out 'if everyone fails then be the one who passes'

what the hell
i'm not gonna show anyone at home just yet
but when the report book comes, i will try my best not to use the excuse although it is totally true
ONLY EIGHT PEOPLE PASSED AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO PASSED WERE THE CHINESE PEOPLE.as in, those people who regularly converse in chinese so then it's expected for them to pass isn't it??

ugh
i hate chinese
i hate the stupid teeacher
i hate how even the worst can score better than me
why?
i don't know

so now i blame myself
i didn't study
i didn't put in effort
i didn't have the right attitude
and now i'm paying for it
but i better do well for lit because i have passion for it and i studied
i better at least pass science because i was on the phone studying with shanthini for almost 4hours
STUDYING WHAT?
SCIENCE
i swear i better at least get 55
then i know i have hope of getting into the Through Train thing
because well.... i need the time to work a little more on my chinese and a lot more on my history if i wanna get into the TT

at least i know i have a chance of passing history =)

i am happy today
HAH
i am not depressed
YAY =)

today has broken the chain of depression
HARHAR
not two weeks yet
HAHAHAHAHA yay

anywayyyyyyyyy
i am aiming for..... i won't tell the world my targets but.... yeah
gotta get 55% or more for one humans(that would be history since i suck at geog and today's exam proved it), maths, english and i think science

oh no wait.....
YES
maths OR science
WOOHOOOOO
i am so aiming for a 70 for maths or better
=D
hmm so overall 55%
maths 55%
history 55%

MY GOODNESS

like that, anyone can get into TT
oh no wait.....
no i'm wrong
humans is the problem
heh
=)) i hope i do well for history!!!
i am so nervous because tomorrow.....
my two 'best' subjects
maths and english!!
eeeek
i don't even know what the hell is tested for english
i should go and find out shouldn't i?
but i have a bad attitude and what not
NO THINK POSITIVELY
yes i rock
NO TOO POSITIVE
shit
i will keep further thoughts too myself

yay
today was overall, a good day =)
=D =) :) (: :> <: =P

I'm hanging by a thread|3:37 PM|

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

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oh my god!
she is so annyoing.
she's getting on my nerves and she doesn't even know it!
and she can still ask me in that 'you shouldn't be angry' kind of tone
i wasn't even angry
i was just... annoyed.

and she is SO ANNOYING
have i mentioned that?

my goodness.
almost every morning she walks in with her
and i am just not happy
is there something wrong with that?
i am actually very upset

like.... i feel like i'm losing her... alottttt
to her of all people. and i feel like she's annoyed with me almost all the time when i am not cheery...
you can't expect a girl to be happy all the time!!

wow what kind of friend is that
OH I KNOW THE ANSWER
a fair weather friend
so i 'm in a storm she goes to hang out with her and hillary

and when i'm in sunshine she's here
when i'm smothered by mist she's sometimes here and drifts slowly as it thickens...

hmmmm
luckily the history paper cheered me up a little...
let's seeeeeeeeee...
i came into school feeling like shit
hmmmmmm
then she came in with her then i felt even worse.... maybe it's jealousy.... it could be... thats what *ahem*somebody says...
hmmmmmmmmmmm
then when i asked her something**, she snapped la... ok she didn't but i'm fragile when i'm in that mood and she tends to not see that... then she gives me the kind of answer that makes me feel shittier....
then blah blah
then i realized we had our history exam today
wow
bombarded
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i kept tellng myself i couldn't do it
i kept saying i would fail everything and other things that only I heard... because i was mumbling to myself about an empty future...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
melina(so not a fair weather friend.. you'll see) was with me all the way unlike the person i was formally talking abt... yes so melina was so nice. 'you can do it. don't tell urself that! you will pass!' and other encouraging thngs and someof it helped a little slight bit...
and she was so... i dunno the word to use but she was like that...

she even told me to try, or something something"for one day! just one day =)".. so nice.... reallyyyyy.
she even lent me her notes to study
but of course i felt i wouldn't be able to pass anyway so i didn't take it.... then during PE, we didn't do PE
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
we were allowed to either play games or study... or anything.
i was doing 'anything'. then i 'joined in'
joined a small group of 4 ppl
hahaha
the person i was talking about and dianah and calyssa and hillary
hmm....
then i asked melina to come... or did she come by herself and i was just thinking that.........
ok yeah watever
then dianah was asking *ahem* questions on history
and blahblah happened
then the person got annoyed with melina always answering 'all her questions'
and when i could answer one question(i didn't study, but i got it kind of right)and melina 'elaborated' then *ahem* got mad and went to her to study. they weren't even studying after a while la!!
they started chatting
and when melina wanted to ask *ahem* a question, *ahem* totally ignored her
HOW RUDE
so meann

hmm
then chinese
i won't say anything about that
ummm then yeah... history exam!!!!!!!!!!
thanks to melie for the courage unlike *ahem* who just made me feel worse..
easier than i thought it would be! =D
hope i pass
i know i will lose marks because i never got the hang of the level one level two thing so i just merely wrote whatever came to mind
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THE LEVEL ONE MEANS ANYWAY
yep then recess!
i hate recess
meghan made me follow her down because she wanted someone to talk to while eating
so i had to sit there and watch her eat
and hillary was with us too
i dislike her greatly
and we had to share
five people to one table
and so *ahem* gave up her seat cos she was finished and hillary(the stupid toot that she is) also did the same and god knows where the hell they went
to hell hopefully
hah
kidding

so melina was like... there
and then the three of them went up by themselves
abandoning me with meghan
well it wasn't that bad
we went back to class and blah blah
english!
i knelt on the floor so i could use the table(we were supposed to sit on the floor if we had not finished our homework... i'm a gd girl ok! i didn't even know there were more questions on the other side! wth)
when i was done then i did my own thing
i was outlining the .... nevermindwhatever

umm.... then home ec/dnt exam
i was part of the half that didn't need to do the exam so we all sat on one side...
i was continueing the outlines
i was doing it all day

then after the exam blah blah ms teo was being scary blah blah blah
and i rushed out of school(or.. the 2nd level) as fast as i could to skip the make up lesson
stupid CC dunno how to mind her own business

calyssa also skipped
woah
nice to know i'm not the only one
well, meghan didn't go but she needn't have gone anyway
she finished her pouch already
i am still way behind but whatever
i'm taking art next year and i HATE f&n so i couldn't be less bothered

and i wrote a song today!!
i lost it though

moods like today's inspire me somehow
but happy people like monica wouldn't wanna hear such songs

so in short, my day wasn't interesting and half of it was ruined by *ahem* but the other half was okay.

oh and during recess, meghan told me that many people think i'm emo!! i beg to differ.

*****'she', 'her', 'the person' and *ahem* were used to protect the identity of the person who ticked me off/saddened me this morning.

I'm hanging by a thread|3:27 PM|

Monday, August 27, 2007

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wow
the third post for the day

i think i'm getting a colddd

i've been sneezing all day and ahem still can tell me to shut up and stop sneezing
LIKE I CAN CONTROL IT

i was so pissed off today
because *ahem*somebody*ahem* told me something

*she
said that i am a very mean person
riiiight
they said i'm mean to people except the ones who are important to me

not neccessarily!!
i am mean to people whom i dislike... and even then sometimes i feel nice so i am nice to them!

anywayyy
i can be very mean to people i like too! HAH

you said that because i was being mean to you for just that thing
you can't expect me to do everything you say just because you can
you do it all the time and i am sick of it!
shannen do this
shannen throw this away
shannen go and tell her this and that
shannen give me first i want!
shannen i want that one i don't care if it's ur fav. or the only one i want it
shannen don't talk to her
shannen don't go there
shannen stay
shennen sit here
shannen stay here don't go anywhere
shannen keep still
shannen carry for me
shannen buy this for me
shannen tell her this and that because i don't want to
shannen help me zip my bag-why-i'm too lazy
shannen print this this and this for me-but you have your own printer-i don't care! i don't want to waste it!-so i can waste my printer ink?-yes! i want you to print it so print it!
shannen go there and help me pick up
shannen.................
shannen................
shannen..............
shannen...............
shannen...............
shannen..........
shannen.............

WHAT AM I? A DOG? A SLAVE?

i've done all those things despite the way you ask for it and the unreasonable-ness of it all!
i am sick of it
i am sick of it
i am sick of it!!!!!!!

i am not going to sacrifice everything i like and have and need, for you!
i am not going to cater to all your needs anymore
once in a while is fine
BUT FREAKING EVERYDAY
i wonder i ever put up with it

half the things in my bag aren't even mine! they're all yours!
i am not your bag, i am not your slave, i am not your dog, i am not a creature at your disposal.

i was so nice to you
too nice
until it was taking me for granted
taking advantage of me
well guess what!
not anymore!
that is why i was so mean today right?
it was a mild alternative behaviour
to you it was a huge drastic change!
i did everything you asked when none of it was asked for nicely. in fact. it was like i am a voice operated robot.

not anymore
nope, no wayy

i never complained nor showed dicontent
i did it with no emotion however
slowly getting tired of your orders
today i said no ONCE
and you freak out

i did everything you asked today, without complaining or attitude. i don't owe you anything. actually, if you count everything you asked me to do that was unreasonable, bossy, that you could have done yourself easily, not a favour kind of thing, you would owe me. you'd owe me bigtime.

so i did everything and you told me to buy it for you. A BOMB! A FREAKING 29DOLLARS.
i didn't even have that kind of cash
the store accepts cash card?
yes.
i have enough in my cash card
you had a whopping 50bucks in your wallet excluding the cash card
why make me buy it?
i did that before(see the sacrifice?!)and i wasn't even allowed to touch it after that.

so i said no, i can't, i don't have enough money. when she offered to buy it(why the F do you manipulate ppl to that stage? >:() damn i am so glad you said what you said because if not i never would've gotten my freedom. you said i would buy it
"oh no no no, it's okay. don't worry. shannen will buy it. shannen help me buy! i know you have enough money ok i made you check it!"

then i said no
i said iw asn't going to do that
because you just expect me to do everything
i didn't even want to go in the first place
i wanted to go somewhere with another friend who doesn't expect me to serve her. but you said no i was gg with you. so i was dragged as usual like a dog on a leash

then you became sad
"you are so mean
just one small thing also cannot! i somemore never ask you to anything for me one eh! wahlao! you're damn mean! why? i am so nice to you!"

i could see the sincerity on her face
she really thought she had done nothing wrong
WOW

anyway, i think it's some psychological thing....

yes... so.... i will not be nice nor mean to poeple
ok so i will....... depends who ya are
if you're someone i respect or admire or someone very close to my heart(nope, not to me, my heart... anyone close to me finds me mean too sometimes)then i can be very nice... so nice.... too nice? maybe. i am like that.

even if i love the person, but not enough, i won't always be that nice.
i will do stuff for the person but i won't go out of my way to do it.
the people whom i will go out of my way for... well they never ask me to do things that require me to go out of my way so that's good.

but i am so nice and understanding(snicker) that i will still be her friend... but i won't do such things for her

okayyy........... off the topic of taking advantage now.................

hmmm
i shall talk about something secret... pssssst

there is this *someone* who i knew liked me
now the person doesn't
but at the perfect timing
when i started to like that person
hmmmm.......
the person stopped liking me.
so ssad
oh well. all in the past
SO WEIRD.

oh yeah combinations, NA doesn't have much choice as usual(so pissed at that! we should equal opportuniies! like, what if a normal ac girl is super smart but only in one subject but she got into normal because of a coincidence that she was going through something during PSLE or what if she excels at a subject that Normal girls are not offered in sec3 like... hmm... sy LITERATURE MAYBE?????? SO UNHAPPY. now the person has absolutely no hope of passing humanities in upper sec because SS was failed even in primary school and hist and geog is harddd)
so the only things we get to choose from:
SS/Hist or SS/Geog
Art/F&N
and
oh wait
THAT'S IT!!

we don't even have any choice for science

and why do only top students get to do literature??!!!
i ENJOY literature
WHY TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME?
it's the only subject i actually enjoy without and now my upper sec life is going to be as boring as my primary school life
SAD SAD
i guess sec2 is the best year...
for fun
fun in studies
last year was fun
in a different way
a way....
where we play and talk and not listen to the teacher at all, continuously get into deep trouble and just slide a pass which is because sec1 work is 'easy'

but this year is a different kind of fun
like... i actually enjoy the lesson without much help from the person or people sitting beside me, with help but not so much a need for it for me to have fun...

so sec2 is my favourite year except for.... nevermind that was long ago...

i think i type posts like i am trying to blind the reader
so i shall stop here

my score for chinese CA2 2007 definitely varies from 1-30
the maximum i can get(and by LUCK)is a 30
upon a hundred =@

I'm hanging by a thread|8:04 PM|

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woah

i cried four times today!
heh

i did something so childish today
i was colouring a comic book
you know like... like those american comic books that are totally colourable that are squareish...
like cathy, baby blues, calvin and hobbes.... etc

that kind
such fun
but so childish

oh yeah and CLAY AIKEN
he's eating donuts and getting fatter because of them
he looks odd now

BUT I AM A CLAYMATE SO I LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT
i notice i have a lot of love to give
hah
too bad nobody wants it :'(

hehhheh

i wonder i am posting twice today
because i hate studying? no.... i dunno i just felt like it! =E

I'm hanging by a thread|7:13 PM|

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i am going to die die die die die die

i had chinese and literature ca2 today and IT SUCKED
i won't say what was up with the chinese but i felt like crying during the exam
i even spent like 20mins of the exam staring into space in despair
not as if those twenty mins would've helped if i wasn't doing that

and literature was actually good though
but as usual, i probably wouldn't do well because even when i put in the effort to anything, it never prospers. why? because i didn't do pre-preparations!
stupid stupid

i don't even know why i am not studying
it's very complicated really.....
like... i want to study and i have every intention to do so but i just never do.... i brought home books and everything too!
but of course "that's not a good reason"
obviously!
nobody knows what i mean because nobody know how i feel so i'm just gonna stop trying to explain myself

and whoever is reading this is probably thinking 'then go and study now now now la!'

it's not that easy!

like... the chinese exam totally woke me up today... but literally i was sleepy but that's what i mean

i was gonna come home, eat and compute at the same time for a while, then bathe and then study. AS USUAL someone beats me to it! pfffffffft

i come home
"how was the exam"
"don't wanna talk about it"
"blah blah blah blah blah! "
"there! see! you're talking about it!!! grr"
"blah blah blah blah, today you're gonna wash up, eat then study!"

F MAN
always always
i already have it in mind but someone says it out before i can do it and it SUCKS to know that when i do it, the person thinks she's the one who made me do it and she feels good.
is it her goal to do this to me????

of course, it WAS my fault cuz i didn't study but now i know! and she still can't let it go!

do i really seem stupid enough to not get it when i need to??

GOD!!!!!

i don't even expect him to help me out here because it's all my fault and if i were to die, then my results wouldn't matter anymore! =)
and eveyone around me would benefit and my family would have more money and less burdens.

i am listening to.... i don't know what kind of genre it is but it's music that i like in this period of time

metal? or whatever i don't know

hmmmm
certain evanescence songs
certain a7x songs
certain HIM songs
certain lp songs
and other miscellaneous
some people say it's emo
i don't believe that
but everything is what you believe it to be

so i can believe that i am typing on a fish(not a keyboard) and to me, it will indeed be a fish! =E

heheh heh hehhhh

i think i have to gooooo now. nobody's online because everybody is studying!
i better do that too...hmmmmmm

I'm hanging by a thread|2:57 PM|

Sunday, August 26, 2007

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smaller than he appears

so cute

the two samoyeds

THE ST BERNARD. bigger than it seems

twin huskies! =)

grooming competition. a black poodle! eek! =)

enjoy the pictures because they were taken by yours truly! =)

I'm hanging by a thread|5:43 PM|

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today, there was this annual dog show thing going on at Expo.
my mother said she wanted to bring me there since i was young but since it's always on a sunday... yep

so today she decided to steal me for half a day and bring me to the show
><

eeeeek

so super fun
the huge dogs and the innie mini ones
super cuuute

like... grroming comepetitions, companionship, agility, obedience etc

it was awesome and all the dogs that weren't performing were wandering around with their owners within the hall!

i have like.. a million and one pics of them!
i also took a video of two furball-like dogs playing and two bigger but considered small dogs fighting. very rough stuff!

oh and i saw twins of dogs
super cute and quite interesting
there was tis woman who was the owner of ONE OUT OF FIVE IN THE WHOLE OF SINGAPORE Afghan Hounds

(it's wayyy bigger than it looks in the picture. realllyyyy. it's full height like where it's head is, is up to my chest. AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M SHORT. it's because the dog ig is huge and the hair is sooo....... :*D

she has one afghan hound and there are only five in the whole of singapore
WOWWWWW

and there was only ONE St Bernard in the whole hall of expo
everyone wanted to get a pic
i think i got one too!!!

so greeeat
and i saw two samoyeds together also

majority of the dogs were huskies

bloody boring already
so common

i saw an alaskan malamute
RIGHT NEXT TO A HUSKY(but i didn't get a pic of them both{i was too close!! hehe!})
talk about comparing
perfect for comparing
the malamute was both bigger and fiercer looking
and looked more furry
hehe

there was one small dog....
um a maltese and a poodle mixed i suppose because the owner said it was a 'maltipoo'
i dunno how to pronounce it but yeah, thats what it sounded like
yes so that dog was super super super hyper and was running and jumping around

since my mother and i were standing nearby it was like trying to jump on us??

'know when a dog is on two legs with it's paws up leaning against your leg that kind of thing

yeah it was doing that and to my surprise i didn't avoid it! HEHE

hmmmmmmm
it was the best(and only) dog show i have ever been to!

HEH
pictures pictures! i'm sure everybody wants to see pictures!!

hehe i have a picture of a small black dog. super cute
my grandmother said it's like a caterpillar!
SO CUTE
made me wanna keep a dog buttttt

no time la... and i don't want the poor dog to die
sooo.......

so sad!

my dad is coming later at like 6-630
hmm 530 already
but i'll probably take more time to load pics...

so i'll end here =)
i am happy today =)
so i won't talk about what was bothering me abt the sec2 going to sec3 thing yesterday =)

Husky again
LIKE I SAID. SO COMMON

A whole LINE of huskies together! =P so not fun anymore! too many

But they're cuter cos they're just pups!

Chow Chow!

5.35pm i just finished eating a peanutbutter and nutella sandwhich
chunky or smooth? chunky! =)

I'm hanging by a thread|4:37 PM|

Saturday, August 25, 2007

______________________________

my mother says i'm a hoarder and that it's a psychological disorder.
oh how true
i wish!
then i can go to a mental institution and escape fromeverything real
then hopefully, i will become psycho and i will be living in my own world where everything around seems to me what i want it to be. even if it's not

that would be amazing

if i were to go mad
then everything real would be non-existent!
and everything that exists to me will be heaven

i sorted stuff today
for the movin thing

i threw away 1 big watsons bag worth of stuff
after goingt through 8 big boxes of things and 15 stray baskets, containers, stuff like that

so my mother said i am a hoarder
she said it's an OCD
hmmmmmm
to think that i have an obssessive compulsive disorder is quite interesting

i never thought i did
and i still don't think so
just because my desk is cluttere
just because i have no more space
just because i don't want to throw away all my precious things that my mother thinks are worthless or not needed

like i filled a whole box full of notebooks!
i love collecting notebooks!
and i found all my collections of all my things!

i found my oh so precious collection of:
stickers
notebooks
soft toys
shells
pebbles
coloured paper
empty CDs
little tiny box container thingys
phone things
paintbrushes
beada
buttons
plastic and paper bags

SHIT
i have to go nowwwww
i will try to come in and upday eabout HOW UNFAIR THE SCHOOL IS
HOW UNFAIR THE MOE IS

WHY CAN'T NA GIRLS TAKE LIT????

low demand
SO WHAT
i don't get it
why does everyone hate lit??

I'm hanging by a thread|11:00 PM|

Thursday, August 23, 2007

______________________________

woah
heart painnnnnn

so scary

she was on the floor.
lying down
she was in such pain
she was suffering
she wasn't breathing properly
she was crying her eyes out
she was a sight to make you cry
someone like her... crying
it's scary and sad at the same time
watching the pain on her face
the suffering in each breath she tried to take
people watched for a while. they were only there to wait for the teacher.
they then laughed and talked among themselves about other things
when she looked like she could die(touch wood touch wood)
we watched from afar
not feeling like we had the right to be there
not being close and all
but she had three friends
one by her side and two fanning her
i felt so sad
so scared for her
i felt like i couldn't breathe too
but luckily, when i checked, i could
*heng*

my my... i couldn't stop watching. couldn't tear myself away.
i have a 'talent' for empathy
but of course, only for people i like... like people i don't dislike...

words cannot describe what i felt when i saw her in such a position...
i wanted to cry
not even that close but somehow i care about her more than i would if the person there was a regular classmate

i stay
i pray
i prayed she would be okay

i think she was taken to hospital.
shanthini didn't want to stick around with that feeling lingering in the school.
especially when she such empathetic talent too.
haha

shouldn't be a joke

woah
really really heart pain
like literally.
she said she said her heart was pain

the worst part... i felt there was nothing i could do.
:'(

I'm hanging by a thread|4:44 PM|

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

______________________________

HAH

today was the worst day of my life.
i'm exaggerating.
but i hate today
today SUCKED

science, EP, geography.

oh geography was 'good'

Meghan and I ate Cheezels and we are sitting right front! hehehaha
deaf teacher
we munched and crunched so loudly
Cheezels gooood
yummy yummy

Our teacher's name is mrs macdonneth
but she wants us to call her ms lau
wth
first time she told us her name we were like MCDONALD???

hahahahahahahahaha

mrs mcdonald
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

she sux
she needs a microphone to teach us
and she still isn't heard
we still talk and eat and don't pay attention.
yet... i don't remember seeing her with a few strands of white hair on monday so maybe 2/6 and 2/5 are giving her too much stress...

that's her problem. mrs helen tan had no problem.
so she doesn't have our attention because she just can't get it

and she tried to threaten us today
which kind of worked surprisingly
she said when she was teaching 2/6, they were giving her trouble so senior teachers and the principal came in
HAHAHAHAHA
and apparently the principal asked a question which they should've known the answer to but didn't
because they weren't listening

so 'now there is a senior teacher teaching them'
'you don't want that to happen to you right?!'

FINE

the class was relatively quiet...
strangely quiet while Meghan and i played hangman and ate cheezels.

then i didn't go for recess again. nothing unusual.
Meghan brought up a packet of cheese fries. i asked for one and she didn't give it... sob sob

and i was starving
yes yes yes it's ur fault shannen for not eating

i am so bad at resisting temptation

anywayyyy
after recess was maths.
GRRR
$&%! ms teo peng suan

i swear man! she put me with jolene on purpose!

she swtiched seats
for most of the class

she knows the friction level between jolene and i and she out us together.
she saw the reaction of one of my classmates like*yesss i don't have to sit with 'her'* whoever the her is

and ms teo purposely put her with that 'her'

*mumble grumble*

she split ppl up who needed to be split up, and she put enemies together

i clearly doubt its for class bonding reasons dammit

so now i am next to jolene and hating it
but luckily, Dianah is on my other side
Meghan is now sitting in my old seat.

yeah so back to splitting and joining
she split up A and S. She split J and A. She put me and jolene together. she put S with cleris...
very unexpected stuff
and how do the techers expect jolene and i to collect stuff when 'pass to the front' means she gets some and i get some unless i pass all to her because she too freaking childish to even pass something to me

LIKE GROW UP

stupid la!!!
hate ms teo for that

dammit dammit dammit

then chinese blah blah

oh during english, which on wednesdays is oral communication, mel and i exchanged passwords to *ahem* something la

then after school, dicussing the topic of blogs while walking back to class, *ahemshanahemthiahemniahem* decided to give us her blog url... after running and hiding she finally caved.

yeah whatever

blah blah blah blah

in the blah blah blah blah lies terribly unfortunate coincidences and events that i refuse to repeat under any circumstances to ssave me from........... nevermind......

now i don't look forward to anything in school because now that jolene and i aren't talking(or even looking at each other... or in each others' direction), Meghan is like the most fun partner. and instead of getting at least some normal classmate, i get her

HAPPY THOUGHTS
ain't got any.

i want to run
i want to cry
i want to bleed
i want to die

I'm hanging by a thread|4:36 PM|

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

______________________________

oh my gosh

i was super sleepy today!!

science was quite ok
ms au told us The History Of Ms Au
about TVs
because we were on the topic about light and the colours and the dunno god knows what crap la.

then PE. urgggghh

we played softball. just boring. practising tossing and catching with the stupid makes-fingers-orange glove. DUMB AND STUPID. what skill does this teach us in life?

i still don't know the answer. and next week we are apparently doing more softball stuff. hardder, more dangerous stuff. grr. melina threw the ball... and it hit me in the face. she didn't even apologize... i don't reeally care because it didn't hurt for long and there was no blood. if i was bleeding... that would be a different story.

anyway, contrary to popular belief, the softball is in fact NOT soft.

wowwww

i bet a million people already know that. HAH

chinese was a drag. its a drag on occassion. like today for example. Meghan and i were playing hangman and stuff. and i didn't do the 'promenade girls' work' she had set for us

the teacher pouts like some spoilt brat
and she was all like 'what was the promise you made to me the other day? *something something*promenade, you will work hard. don't forget your promise. that day *something in chinese* only that one period for the whole semester is it?'

she said that after repeating i think the first sentence many times in chinese and i gave her a puzzled look.

HAHAHAHAHA we continued to play hangman

oh then she wanted to talk about an article in the chinese newspaper... OH MY GO---SH

i was flipping to the page slowly.... by the corners and she called my name in that 'why-aren't-you-at-the-page-?' tone

LIKE WHAT THE HELL
i can't magically make it flip to the page by itself by snapping my fingers right!

like seriously. i didn't even know i was making a promise to her

that seems a bit hilarious... that i was so stupid. she was blabbering in chinese... blah blah. i just nodded my head when i felt it was needed. HAH
this is what nodding gets me into.

i didn't go for recess again. YAY. i still have 3 stomachs and a tree trunk to go.
english wasn't bad at all as usual. but nearing the end of the lesson... i felt so sleepy. that kind of sleepy like... you can hardly keep your eyes open and you can't see clearly like can only see things clearly for like a second before everything become sleepy-blur. i wanted to sleep. i didn't. maths started... i was awake for a while

and what 'great' timing. i had that feeling again just after she started a new 'topic'. pyramids.
GOOD GOING shannen.

my go-sh

happily copying the stuff on the board, and before i knew it... wow. i was in between asleep and awake.

but when she first started on it, i was so SMART
hahaha

she asked what 'this' was. i said 'cuboid'
i was obviously saying it to myself. because it took a hell of a long time before someone(that someone being meghan) said cuboid. DAMMIT.
why? i was afraid to be wrong.

then she moved on to some cylinder thingy.

is 'this'(pii r squared) the same as 'this'(area of baseXht)

i was the only one who said yes

once again, talking to myself.
for once i was sure of something.. something that was different from the class.

SIGH

she explained and everyone got it.

oh and what woke me up about 5 minutes before dismissal was that i was using correction tape and i accidentally 'corrected' my diagram that was in pencil. somehow when i opened my eyes wider i realized... and then i suddenly woke up. AMAZING

oh and.... after school... hmmm..... oh yeah i probably gained something... i bought a Twix after school. i was eating halfway when it occurred to me... ={

CHOCOLATE HAS LOTS OF FAT CALORIES AND UNHEALTHY STUFF THAT COULD LEAD TO DIABETES, CANCER AND OBESITY

my my my

i need a cone... like those dog cones. restrict me from eating chocolate and sweets...

i bet that wouldn't work

i am so so so so fickle minded that it results in my own discontent

GOOD GOING

woah
fffffffffffffffffffffhciemlh dhvfnuivsleury3279876986981487638-27395-7=32589rufidhjg==i want to die seriously2194789**()$@%someone kill me...fgchjskdm@^$@#hjdfjhvgnxlkf&8276q3490??bet everyone wants me dead...":.hjkf87the stupid shanthini doesn't believe that i want to diehgrv9uysre485486351346d6ftv5dgcs13d56f1g79*well, no ones forcing her.#$gdtbg

ahhhhhh

i think i pricked my knee...
i don't even know how......

i am going to pack past year books today!
WOO

bye bye to this house by 13sept!
i'm sad and glad at the same time.
i'm glad because i get my own room, i have a chance to furnish it and decorate it MY way... and i'm sad for obvious reasons. like........... HELLO. 8yrs mann..... actually i think 9-10 yrs!
wow

I'm hanging by a thread|2:42 PM|

Monday, August 20, 2007

______________________________

it's monday
MONDAY

oh dearry

another week to go
another week to suffer in school
another week to face
another week with akward acquaintances
another week with crazy teachers
another week with difficult homework
another week of teachers telling me how i have to study hard because exams are around the corner
another week of heavy books to carry
another week to go before our CA2
another week to suffer under stressful conditions and terrible people
another week to be dragged around like a dog on a chain
another week to hate what is happening
another week to face the people i hate most
another week to be confused at what's happening in class
another week before meghan's tranfers to SJII
another week to be smothered by the smarts i should have but sadly don't
another week to hate everyone around me
another wee to walk around half asleep
another week to skip recess
another week to go home alone
another week to spend money unessessarily
another week to follow a fixed routine
another week of anger, confusion and unhappiness
another week of crap from teachers and idiots
another week of 'oh shit i didn't bring, i didn't do'
another week of coming home to 'any homework?
another week to go before i will totally want to kill myself
another week to die

hmph

i hate school

homework
homework
homework

grrrrr

and plus, there's no more band prac until exams are over
another reason to hate school this week especially
exams are next week
and i CANNOT (as in unable) study
i read and write and read and 'learn'

but nothing ever comes out of it
I AM A COMPLETE FAILURE in everything i do
so i give up
i am not even going to study because it doesn't work

the only things i ever remember are things that really interest me

like...... say...... drake and josh lines
from the show

oh myyy

i can repeat almost everything said in almost avery episode

i know i am an idiot

*sigh*

nevermind. HAPPY THOUGHTS

non existent today
so nevermind

if i'm so mean, why are you still so nice

I'm hanging by a thread|4:17 PM|

Saturday, August 18, 2007

______________________________

ahh omg promenade yesterday was..........

the entire thing was a spoof in itself

Band people had to be there by 430

so Monica, Dianah and I went to Jayni's house before that

I met Monica in the mrt station
then Dianah also came
yeah and then blah blah

Jayni's dog barked at Monica because she was staring at him.
hah

Jayni let us watch her B&J videos

i seemed to be the only one who enjoyed or at least did not find it too loud or boring

so mean right?
Dianah and Monica said it was boring

hah

then blah blah

we went to 7-11 just before we went into school

i bought a bottle of sugar cane drink thingy and two packets of maltesers
hah hah

and Jayni bought a Twix

yummmmmm

then blah blah

we went down for dinner
dinner was........ spaghetti with salmon and weird stuff and two cocktail sausages
though they were a little longer

then when we went to the sci labs.......
actually nothing
just normal things
i am trying not to put in too many details.....

oh yeah then after a while we had to go down and clean up the mud!
EWWWWWWW

we had to soak it up with newspaper
ew
so our shoes got muddy and our hands got muddy and it was a waste of newspaper

and Monica had a One and Two for why it was useless
1: Newspaper doesn't absorb water very well
2: When we soak up the water on the surface of the grass, then the water inside the ground that the grass absorbed would surface and it would take a really long time to dry it all up

yeah so it was like super gross

like seriously

a waste of paper
they couldn't just get more mops??

anywayyyyy
yesterdays preview sucked

tech problems
i don't think we played well

and then the curtain call
WOAH
the ground was so gross and muddy and disgusting and ew ew ew

grosssssss

i have got to stop whining

i notice it annoys people

hmmm

okay today so far.......

i woke up at like 1130
hah
lazy pig

hmmmm that was just in time to see my bro out to MacRitchie reservoir

then i had lunch

2 slices of pizza and some other yummy thing
hahaha

yumm yumm

i am so greeeedy

why can't i stop eating

and then when i stop eating...... i get hungry then when i start eating i can't stop

i was like..... starving myself last time and now i am eating like there's no tomorrow

my friend said if i keep eating everything, there really won't be a tomorrow

hah

i know i know

i hope by next week i stop eating

as totally

except when i feel i might get gastric

so maybe i'll have like..... a wheat cracker whenever i feel unbearably hungry
which will be very often

urghh

oh myyyy

it's like... 2 already
gotta be thereby three
DON'T WANNA BE LATE

i guess i should start now??
yeah i should
sart getting ready now

hah
hah
hah
hah

you watched me die, so don't bother burying me

I'm hanging by a thread|1:21 PM|

Thursday, August 16, 2007

______________________________

what i did before going to school for promenade is unimportant

promenade however, is a different story
when i got up the bus to go to school, i saw Jayni too
hahahaha

what a coincidence

then when we got there, beverly had forgotten the key!
gahhhh

then she went down to the office to get the other key
while Dianah and Jayni played 'air hockey' with the lid of Jayni's sweets container

then we all went in... blah blah

hah
when we were waiting at the foyer, we played truth or truth again
hah hah

uh then blah blah

then we went down for dinner at... i think 4 something

be back and ready by 550!
wow
more than an hour
WOAH WE WERE ALL HAPPEEEE

dinner was not half bad!
surprisingly

rice, with some kind of chicken(boneless!!), baby corn and cauliflower(in that weird gravy), fish with some weird orange-y reddish sauce!

=P

yummmmm

and Monica brought milo(tiny cute wittle packets!) for all of us except herself
so nice and generous

then blah blah

oooooh
the preview... good not good

ppl say we were good
the people being roselyn and clarise

ummmmm
the preview...... nothing special happened

except when we were in the primary school courtyard waiting for the curtain call, roselyn and clarise were fanning someone

dunno who

i thought she fainted at first
but when we got up, i saw no person lying down

hah
how stupid can i be??

she ran out obviously
then when we went to the back she sat in one corner with another member of her section where the audience couldn't see them

today's audience was all students and parents
hah

easy impression

SATURDAY WILL BE THE NIGHTMARE DAY
actual nuns
guests of honour

oh dearrrrry

miss not having Veronica and Felicia around though

then on the way out..... Monica lent me ten bucks to buy the rrecording! the cd of the whole show!
all the songs!
audio cd btw

Monica and Jayni bought too

i thinkkkkk

and when i got home...
MY MOTHER BOUGHT A BRAND NEW PSP

but not for moi
nor my brother

for my uncle in Perth, Australia
for his big 40

ok too much info

so nothing to say la

i talk too much

i type too many things and details in this thing......

i shall try to stop that

if i starved myself to death, more food for everyone

I'm hanging by a thread|10:34 PM|

______________________________

today is the day after grace's birthday

hmmmmmmm

i reached school like 1 minute before 9 o'clock
in the EP class... in the lab

guess who pressed the door opener thingy?
brenda

i guess she's not as bad as *ahem*
because she's not childish and stuff
she looked shock when she realized it was me she opened the door for
but nevermind whatever

nothing much about school
just that i didn't eat recess again.....
which isn't worth mentioning so nevermind

OH MY GOD YESTERDAY I WENT FOR JUNIOR PRAC
i swear i wanted to just DIE seriously

they have no respect for me because i'm shorter than them
they treat me like $#!+
like i have no authority to tell them to shush when they are talking and playing and laughing so loudly i swear even outside could hear
grrrrrrrrr

they piss me off sooo so so so so much
esp H and S

i want to murder them
esp esp H

H gives so much attitude that it can drown the bloody world

i am 'supposedly' a "senior"
am i treated like one??
NO

the stupid juniors treat me like I AM THEIR JUNIOR
f f f f f f f f f f f

they don't listen to what i say
they question whatever i say
they use felicia as an excuse for everything they do
they show nothing but utter disrespect

okay i am being mean
as in..... it's just H and S that annoy me until i want to kill them or myself

the rest are okay
like xin yi's nice just that i wish she'd stop patting my head like i'm some 4 year
HELLO! I'M 14 NOT 4!!

or 3

and crystal and kia ying are okay
they don't talk much though

THE STUPID *mumble mumble mumble*

they don't listen to the sec2s at all
they only listen to the sec3s

and worst....... the sec3s are not the ones going for syf next next year!
sec2s are!

what are we going to do if they are like this still by next next year!

and plus..... its 3 sec2s against 6 sec1s

oh yeah right now it's actually the day after the day after grace's bday

okok out of point

OUR JUNIORS ARE TOO FREE

i don't mean free as in time
i mean free as in behavior and speech
last year monica and i hardly spoke at all
AND we did what we were told

sec1s are going to ruin Percussion

it will be the least bonded
juniors split to go with their other sec1 friends
the seniors stick together but there is no jr-sr bonding
why?
because seniorA dislikes juniorC alot
just an example
they all backstab each other like hell
and one junior will hate a senior and a senior will hate the junior
blah blah blah

i just hope i'm never asked to teach them or'look after' them ever again

the first time i tried without any other seniors around was during hols
guess what
no guessing needed
they didn't listen to me
they refused to do what i told them
they *mumble mumble*
eurggggghhhhh

i could blab for hours about them but i won't

so there was that time
and then there was yesterday
and alot of others la but yesterday... urgh
S+H=torture

they were doing stupid funny(funny as in not in a 'haha' kinda way) things
even to Mr Yeo
NO RESPECT I TELL YOU

jayni had to tell them to shush and relax multiple times

and they were talking so loudly
i shushed them and they were like

we didn't even talk la
yah can you stop telling us to shush

WTF

they can answer back somemore
urgh

H needs a serious attitude adjustment
and S got a private scolding from clarise
YES AH!!
she needs it
if only clarise could talk to both of them

my theory is that they are most 'like that' to me because i'm shorter
HOW THE HELL DOES HEIGHT MATTER IN THIS KIND OF THINGS
yes that's what everybody is thinking right!!!

apparently they belittle me

like WHAT THE F WILL GET THROUGH TO THEM

oh dear
God only knows
maybe my seniors thought the same thing about monica and i last year
'they are going to ruin percussion by being here. we won't be bonded anymore' etc etc etc

i have to say i think i was a bit too quiet
might have annoyed them that i never really answered properly
BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T ANSWER BACK

not answering properly is better than answering back rudely

that's what i think

oh yeah yesterday(or was it monday?)i choked because i dianah said something about st pat's boys and i was like denying it and stuff and i drank water........ then she said something in a tone and went ooooooooo
so i laughed and choked on my water and the sweet in my mouth ohmygod

the water went up my nose dude!

hmm
yeah so todayyyyy

promenade!
before that. after school, i followed shanthini back to her block
WHY?
because i was going to jayni's house!!
=)

hehehaha
yeahhhhh
her dog is so cuuute
super super cute
esp the ears!
poor thing was not well or something
so he didn't bark at me.....

yeah oh and jayni's room is so super cool

she can fir 3 guitars and a drumset in her room plus normal things like cupboard bed and desk
oh and she has an organ piano thingy too
i think it's an organ

yeah it is

yeah super nice, her room

electric guitar, bass guitar, acoustic guitar, electronic drumsrt and an organ!
=PPPPP

i can't stand it

sooo coool

it's like a jamming room in itself
cuz there's an amp and another sort of 'amp'

wtvr

totally would go there again

umm promenade.....waited around blah blah

we played truth or truth
yesterday too

so there's no risk, low risk, medium risk, high risk and 'hardcore'

yesterday was i think was free for all
so called

today was high risk or hardcore

oh yeah or medium also

3 chances for medium
the rest will be high or hardcore or 'anything'

all sorts of questions were asked yesterday and today

i won't say anything about that cuz we are sworn to secrecyyyy

between four of us ONLY

the curtain call was okay...... but when i was running out, my ankle had this weird sprain kind of feeling..... of course it wasn't sprained la but it's that kind of thing

like that feeling like when you haven't mobilized your legs and then you suddenly run so then your muscles are like 'stiff'

hah

yeah my day was that

there's alot more ...... but.........

nevermind

i brought back the bass drum cloth to sew 'percussion' on it
hah
i washed it too

now it's drying
tmr morning i will sew it on
it will probably end up terrible looking

sighhhh

good night ppl

2am in the morning!
woohoooo!!
going to play sims and other stuff
why?
because i can!!!!!!!!!!

hah
promenade ppl don't have to go to school tomorrow and friday
just for promenade prac so we pull off the previews spectacularly

hah

death... a sweet fate after all

I'm hanging by a thread|12:22 AM|